Tomorrow morning I am heading to the airport to catch an 11.15 flight, 18 hours later I should be in Shanghai. I have just about got everything packed up and am ready to go. I am really excited but at the same time a little worried, it is going to be a really different experience for me.
I am taking my laptop with me as apparently I have internet access in the apartment. Unfortunately it is unlikely I will be able to write any blog's or upload any photos until after I get home as I believe Cookies World is not allowed past the firewall. I might catch people on MSN or ICQ though.
I spent today tidying a few things up, I made some changes to Becky's website, I was pleased to be able to add the google maps, hopefully its what she was after.
I even managed to get a bit of jogging done hopefully it will help loosen me up for tomorrows flight.
This evening I had a quiet one and watched Hero's with Phil and Bruce. Its gone very confusing the plot is far too convoluted, in an obvious attempt to play like Lost its almost surpassed it for twisting storyline's.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
2 Days
I did something very bloody stupid this evening and compounded it by avoiding the issue. Only the future will tell if its going to come out.
Tonight I went out with Jo's Friday night pub club, I arrived at 8.30pm only Jo and I were there. I continued to drink until other people arrived. I was challenged with people I hardly know and people I frankly wish I could have avoided. Together with the earlier stupidity just wished I could dissolve. I felt so depressed I just wanted to disappear, this is not the mood I wanted to be in before Shanghai but unfortunately I messed up and here I am.
I arrived at 8.30 to find Jo sat on his own. The Governers house was not as I remembered, it seemed full of pretentious women in their late thritys, showing too much cleveage and waering too much makeup.
Nick and Becky joined us, she was telling us how dangerous riding can be. Apparently earlier that day a girl died on the horse riding course that she is competing in tomorrow, I hope she is more careful. Then Leon and Wally turned up, Leons girlfirend looked bored and I found it hard to strike up conversation. Then Liz G and her friend turned up, I just downed a few more pints and wished I could vanish.
Tonight I went out with Jo's Friday night pub club, I arrived at 8.30pm only Jo and I were there. I continued to drink until other people arrived. I was challenged with people I hardly know and people I frankly wish I could have avoided. Together with the earlier stupidity just wished I could dissolve. I felt so depressed I just wanted to disappear, this is not the mood I wanted to be in before Shanghai but unfortunately I messed up and here I am.
I arrived at 8.30 to find Jo sat on his own. The Governers house was not as I remembered, it seemed full of pretentious women in their late thritys, showing too much cleveage and waering too much makeup.
Nick and Becky joined us, she was telling us how dangerous riding can be. Apparently earlier that day a girl died on the horse riding course that she is competing in tomorrow, I hope she is more careful. Then Leon and Wally turned up, Leons girlfirend looked bored and I found it hard to strike up conversation. Then Liz G and her friend turned up, I just downed a few more pints and wished I could vanish.
Street Hawk / 3 Days to go
Becky came over this evening to talk about some updates for Cheshire Horse Box hire. She gave me some photos and ideas to add, and hopefully jazz the site up a little. I am not sure I will manage to get much done before I go away though.
After having a chat and reminiscing over old photos, Nick bobbed over and we headed to the revamped Unicorn. It has been shut for a couple of week so we were interested to find out what's new. Basically not a lot the outside bit has been remodelled with a heated seating area I guess mainly for the smokers and in readiness for Summer. Inside a lick of pains new carpets and seats, but mostly the same. Its kind of strange because it is so similar but different enough so as you notice.
Julie was working, she basically made an effort to ignore us until the end of the evening when Becky made a point of chatting to her. From that point on they renewed their friendship and chatted about life love and the universe for quiet a while. Nick and I sat and chatted about the life money and women.
I was having a stress as so far this week three people have accused me of being gay. I mean there is nothing wrong with being gay its just I don't have any attraction in that way. My problem is the sort of women that seem to like me hold no attraction for me. Whereas the women I won't seem not to notice me at all. Perhaps I am setting my sights too high, its just I don't want to end up in a loveless relationship just for the sake of being with someone, I want to be with the right someone. In my opinion at least one of my friends is in a relationship more through inertia than love, or even affection and I know deep down I would be made deeply unhappy by that (even more unhappy than I am single).
After having a chat and reminiscing over old photos, Nick bobbed over and we headed to the revamped Unicorn. It has been shut for a couple of week so we were interested to find out what's new. Basically not a lot the outside bit has been remodelled with a heated seating area I guess mainly for the smokers and in readiness for Summer. Inside a lick of pains new carpets and seats, but mostly the same. Its kind of strange because it is so similar but different enough so as you notice.
Julie was working, she basically made an effort to ignore us until the end of the evening when Becky made a point of chatting to her. From that point on they renewed their friendship and chatted about life love and the universe for quiet a while. Nick and I sat and chatted about the life money and women.
I was having a stress as so far this week three people have accused me of being gay. I mean there is nothing wrong with being gay its just I don't have any attraction in that way. My problem is the sort of women that seem to like me hold no attraction for me. Whereas the women I won't seem not to notice me at all. Perhaps I am setting my sights too high, its just I don't want to end up in a loveless relationship just for the sake of being with someone, I want to be with the right someone. In my opinion at least one of my friends is in a relationship more through inertia than love, or even affection and I know deep down I would be made deeply unhappy by that (even more unhappy than I am single).
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
My little empire / 4 days
Sorry for the recent dearth of posts, I have been very, very busy. I have let a lot of people down, but work has been crazy and I have fixed my friend laptop (which turned into an epic on which I am working on an article).
Recentl at work everyday is a battle, I am really looking forward to break from it, to be honest I am not sure how long it can continue. The atmosphere was pretty combatative to start with but now its ridicules. In between being the main representative for my company and training a guy how is paid twice as much as me to do less than the same job and having no support from management I just feel tired and stressed. It is difficult to know how to behaviour I am often in the unknown to bumbling along. My bosses mum died earlier this week so management direction has been less than usual and I have missed my window to get a review as he is going them next week, when I am away, very annoying.
This evening I went out with Bruce and Nina, kind of a rare treat these days. We had a chat about their impending house purchase, its all very stressful what with bit of the house built without planning and organising things it sounds s real mission. Nina seemed happy though, positive about the new house and the future. She seems to be enjoying her job at total fitness.
There was a weird moment when the barman tried to convince us to join in th e quiz as he was several teams down. He gave it te hard sell but my brain was well beyond being up for a quizz. I had spent two hour in the gym after work trying to get rid of todays frustrations there was no way I wanted to join a pub stress game.
We had a chat about how Martins hands seem to get way to busy with friends other halves. Bruce is the second person today to insinuate I am going to get arrested (reason unknown) in China. Personally I think as long as I follow the rules it should be safer than Manchester on a Friday night.
Recentl at work everyday is a battle, I am really looking forward to break from it, to be honest I am not sure how long it can continue. The atmosphere was pretty combatative to start with but now its ridicules. In between being the main representative for my company and training a guy how is paid twice as much as me to do less than the same job and having no support from management I just feel tired and stressed. It is difficult to know how to behaviour I am often in the unknown to bumbling along. My bosses mum died earlier this week so management direction has been less than usual and I have missed my window to get a review as he is going them next week, when I am away, very annoying.
This evening I went out with Bruce and Nina, kind of a rare treat these days. We had a chat about their impending house purchase, its all very stressful what with bit of the house built without planning and organising things it sounds s real mission. Nina seemed happy though, positive about the new house and the future. She seems to be enjoying her job at total fitness.
There was a weird moment when the barman tried to convince us to join in th e quiz as he was several teams down. He gave it te hard sell but my brain was well beyond being up for a quizz. I had spent two hour in the gym after work trying to get rid of todays frustrations there was no way I wanted to join a pub stress game.
We had a chat about how Martins hands seem to get way to busy with friends other halves. Bruce is the second person today to insinuate I am going to get arrested (reason unknown) in China. Personally I think as long as I follow the rules it should be safer than Manchester on a Friday night.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Vhcs sucks
Spent the day playing with servers. For a long time I have wanted to move the websites I host to being more of a professional service. On the new server I installed vhcs. It was supposed to make it easier for users to control their sites but in fact its just been a royal pain in the arse from day one. Bruce (see his take here) and I struggled first to get it working at all then with each of the services offered. I finally gave up after finding a major and unfixed security hole advertised on their own forum. Complete with links to a page which automates the hack!
We spent the rest of the evening eating curry and moving to isp control. Its basically a web panel like vhcs but it looks a bit more secure and well maintained. We did finally manage to make a backup of the main webserver though which is a major goal it hasnt been done for months thanks to our lack of access and technical hitchs (like one time we went down to the colocation centre and couldnt get in as the key to the rack was missing.
We spent the rest of the evening eating curry and moving to isp control. Its basically a web panel like vhcs but it looks a bit more secure and well maintained. We did finally manage to make a backup of the main webserver though which is a major goal it hasnt been done for months thanks to our lack of access and technical hitchs (like one time we went down to the colocation centre and couldnt get in as the key to the rack was missing.
Friday, April 20, 2007
I cant believe its not gutter
I went bowling with some people from work tonight. The customers people invited me on their annual bowling outing, I played on one of the IT Teams. I am actually pretty rubbish at bowling, I find it difficult to let the ball glide out of my hand. However I did manage not to be the worst player which is the main thing at these sort of events.
I don't know if its because I am not a member of staff or just that I am not a very a likeable person, but basically I find it difficult to mingle with the people I work with. I find them a quiet titghly closed off group. I did enjoy myself though, I rode the bus down there so was able to enjoy a few beers (it probably didn't really help my playing very much). I managed to cadge a lift back withone of the staffers and made it back to Woodford for 9.30. In time to go out with Nick for a few more drinks. He seemed in a strange mood I think he and becky are having trouble and rather than communicate about it they have both rereated to their safe places. For him that mean throwing himself into yet more work for her more time at home with her mum. It is a shame as I like them both I hope they find a way to work out their differences.
I am terrible at working through those sort of problems I have load of advice for others but I find it difficult even to talk to women I am attracted to and when in relationships (rare but the do happen even for me) I am pretty useless at broaching difficult subjects.
I don't know if its because I am not a member of staff or just that I am not a very a likeable person, but basically I find it difficult to mingle with the people I work with. I find them a quiet titghly closed off group. I did enjoy myself though, I rode the bus down there so was able to enjoy a few beers (it probably didn't really help my playing very much). I managed to cadge a lift back withone of the staffers and made it back to Woodford for 9.30. In time to go out with Nick for a few more drinks. He seemed in a strange mood I think he and becky are having trouble and rather than communicate about it they have both rereated to their safe places. For him that mean throwing himself into yet more work for her more time at home with her mum. It is a shame as I like them both I hope they find a way to work out their differences.
I am terrible at working through those sort of problems I have load of advice for others but I find it difficult even to talk to women I am attracted to and when in relationships (rare but the do happen even for me) I am pretty useless at broaching difficult subjects.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Cinderella man / 12 Days to Shanghai
I have now less then two weeks before I leave for Shanghai, it has crept up fast. I been tracking the price of the Yuan but given that the Dollar feel to a 26 year low against the pound I am hopeful for a good exchange rate. According to Google 1 British pound = 15.4315986 Chinese yuan, I guess thats good, tough I have really no Idea what a Yuan buys. I guess I will soon find out.
I have been really busy at work since the new project manager started. So far she is proving to be the best of the three have worked under while in my current job. She has certainly kept me busy though I am not entirely sure we will be able to keep up the pace of the last few weeks but it feels better to have a purpose again. Another quiet disconcerting thing is teaching the new guy things. Given he is older than my dad it feel rather weird when he walks over and asks me the sort of questions I used to ask Mike. As a side note I have become addicted to worse than failure (it is a website for programmers so if your not you might not get it, I am not proficient enough to understand all the WTFs).
I am not feeling too good this evening, had a bi of a stomach bug today. Instead of going to the gym as normal I have stayed in my room and watched the film Cinderella Man. It was a good story though a little saccharine sweet like most Ron Howard affairs. Russell Crowe worked really well as the world weary boxer. I must admit the rags to riches and second chance taken is always a promising story, though it would have been nice to see a little more about the depression rather then limiting the effects pretty exclusively to his family.
None of the contacts I removed have contacted me, it is sad but expected. I was always the one who had to keep up the "friendship" say always nice things to make them feel good about themselves, but in the end they just didn't care too much about me. It is a shame after all the time vested in the relationships but I will try and not let it bother me overly, whatever dosn't kill you makes you stronger right?
I have been really busy at work since the new project manager started. So far she is proving to be the best of the three have worked under while in my current job. She has certainly kept me busy though I am not entirely sure we will be able to keep up the pace of the last few weeks but it feels better to have a purpose again. Another quiet disconcerting thing is teaching the new guy things. Given he is older than my dad it feel rather weird when he walks over and asks me the sort of questions I used to ask Mike. As a side note I have become addicted to worse than failure (it is a website for programmers so if your not you might not get it, I am not proficient enough to understand all the WTFs).
I am not feeling too good this evening, had a bi of a stomach bug today. Instead of going to the gym as normal I have stayed in my room and watched the film Cinderella Man. It was a good story though a little saccharine sweet like most Ron Howard affairs. Russell Crowe worked really well as the world weary boxer. I must admit the rags to riches and second chance taken is always a promising story, though it would have been nice to see a little more about the depression rather then limiting the effects pretty exclusively to his family.
None of the contacts I removed have contacted me, it is sad but expected. I was always the one who had to keep up the "friendship" say always nice things to make them feel good about themselves, but in the end they just didn't care too much about me. It is a shame after all the time vested in the relationships but I will try and not let it bother me overly, whatever dosn't kill you makes you stronger right?
Monday, April 16, 2007
14 Days
I only just made it into work on time this morning as being the slightly sad bloke I am I had to sit and listen to Des Brown on the radio talking about the marine who sold their stories to the press. I get the impression he is being made to be a scapegoat for quiet a few failures of the various bodies involved.
I started to feel his pain further when I got into work, a powercut had caused a load of issues which I had to try and sort out. I always feel rushed off my feet at the moment. A new guy has started he is a bit older than my dad and whilst I am sure he will really useful soon its difficult for me to explain how things work when I know so little myself. I can see he is in the position I was in about a year ago, so I have tried my best to pass on what information I can but it is very difficult to know what to pass on without causing information overload.
Went to the gym did an hour and ten minutes of cardio I was feeling really good about myself until Bruce started telling me about a guy at his work who did 40 laps on the track then 40 in the pool, impressive!
Had a quiet evening, watched the latest lost, and prison break. Both shows have gone pretty far out there now in terms of believability but they are still entertaining for a lazy evenings viewing. I have Japanese class tomorrow we had a two week break I really should have done some practise but I am just so lazy, its going to be painful tomorrow.
I started to feel his pain further when I got into work, a powercut had caused a load of issues which I had to try and sort out. I always feel rushed off my feet at the moment. A new guy has started he is a bit older than my dad and whilst I am sure he will really useful soon its difficult for me to explain how things work when I know so little myself. I can see he is in the position I was in about a year ago, so I have tried my best to pass on what information I can but it is very difficult to know what to pass on without causing information overload.
Went to the gym did an hour and ten minutes of cardio I was feeling really good about myself until Bruce started telling me about a guy at his work who did 40 laps on the track then 40 in the pool, impressive!
Had a quiet evening, watched the latest lost, and prison break. Both shows have gone pretty far out there now in terms of believability but they are still entertaining for a lazy evenings viewing. I have Japanese class tomorrow we had a two week break I really should have done some practise but I am just so lazy, its going to be painful tomorrow.
The Ascent of Stan
Today was another hot and sunny day here. I helped my dad do a number of jobs including smash up an old concrete block, and install a doorbell, ding dong!
I found out we can in fact access the server it must have needed some time for the routing information to update on the firewall. The only problem is we have found a know and as yet unfixed bug when using vhcs with Debian 4. Something has changed so that the password decode / encoding fails meaning the system is unusable. However its all ready as soon as the maintainers get a patch out. It might be a fiasco so far but I really believe that once the systems are in place it will allow all the users to be able to manage their sites in a much simpler manner.
I went for a job this evening made it nearly into Cheadle Hulme and back so quiet good for me, then ruined it all by going to drink beer and eat crisp's with Nick Becky and Jono. Had a nice chat to beck though I think I shot my mouth off a little too much. We were talking about my failed dates, and general resignation that I am hopeless with women. She was amused by my story of Liz G's rant about me being an evil capitalist. Oh well can't talk back information once it is in the wild so I will just have to deal with any consequences.
I found out we can in fact access the server it must have needed some time for the routing information to update on the firewall. The only problem is we have found a know and as yet unfixed bug when using vhcs with Debian 4. Something has changed so that the password decode / encoding fails meaning the system is unusable. However its all ready as soon as the maintainers get a patch out. It might be a fiasco so far but I really believe that once the systems are in place it will allow all the users to be able to manage their sites in a much simpler manner.
I went for a job this evening made it nearly into Cheadle Hulme and back so quiet good for me, then ruined it all by going to drink beer and eat crisp's with Nick Becky and Jono. Had a nice chat to beck though I think I shot my mouth off a little too much. We were talking about my failed dates, and general resignation that I am hopeless with women. She was amused by my story of Liz G's rant about me being an evil capitalist. Oh well can't talk back information once it is in the wild so I will just have to deal with any consequences.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Useless arguments / 16 Days to Shanghai
As I get older I have begun that the certainties of youth are melting away to revile a terribly complicated truth. That most problem are so intractable so complex it is impossible to rationalize them, there are always different points of view often valid given someone else's perspective. A few years ago I had a definition of purpose, that my views were the best, but over time the sheer weight of knowledge convinced me that not only do I not have the answers that I really know very little.
Today was not a great day, Bruce and I went to put the new server in the colocation centre, it went well except we were unable to configure the firewall so nobody can access it yet. It is pretty typical for technology, everything it working except for one incredibly important piece.
Went to the comedy night this evening it was great fun, unfortunately I allowed it to be tainted by some guy. I allowed myself to be drawn into an argument when I was feeling a little drunk so lost a lot of my usual edge. I was talking to Chris online when i to home and he reminded me of a chinese proverb which states "never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience".
Its not the first argument I have been part of recently I hope its no becoming a habit. I decimated my contacts list the other day in an attempt to sweep away and more on beyond some of my past mistakes. I think some of the people I have spent time cultivating relationships have used me for one reason or another and its about time I put a stop to it. I hope I didnt throw the baby out with the bathwater but only time will tell if my choices were correct. I only removed the names not blocked them so I they are free to contact me.
Today was not a great day, Bruce and I went to put the new server in the colocation centre, it went well except we were unable to configure the firewall so nobody can access it yet. It is pretty typical for technology, everything it working except for one incredibly important piece.
Went to the comedy night this evening it was great fun, unfortunately I allowed it to be tainted by some guy. I allowed myself to be drawn into an argument when I was feeling a little drunk so lost a lot of my usual edge. I was talking to Chris online when i to home and he reminded me of a chinese proverb which states "never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience".
Its not the first argument I have been part of recently I hope its no becoming a habit. I decimated my contacts list the other day in an attempt to sweep away and more on beyond some of my past mistakes. I think some of the people I have spent time cultivating relationships have used me for one reason or another and its about time I put a stop to it. I hope I didnt throw the baby out with the bathwater but only time will tell if my choices were correct. I only removed the names not blocked them so I they are free to contact me.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Loves a bitch / 18 Days to go
Nothing much happening, went to the gym finally managed 5KM in under 30 minutes. Was increadibly hot and bothered though.
Had a night in and watched some movies ICE Age 2 and Amores Perros. Ice age 2 was ok not so funny as the original, but it passed the time. Amores Perros (Loves a bitch) is a Spanish language film highlighting 3 set of people all living for "love" connected by a car crash. Its a little like Magnolia though more gritty. Octavio is in love with his brothers wife, and enterers his dog into fights to raise the money for them to run away together. Daniel and Valeria have been having an affair on the first day they move in together she loses her leg.
One of the tag lines read roughly don't worry if you don't see it youll live it.
My life seems very plain in in comparison but then I am not sure I need those sort of stresses. There is lots going on with Facebook at the moment I am really enjoying it compared to myspace, already discovering old friends and hopefully some new ones.
Had a night in and watched some movies ICE Age 2 and Amores Perros. Ice age 2 was ok not so funny as the original, but it passed the time. Amores Perros (Loves a bitch) is a Spanish language film highlighting 3 set of people all living for "love" connected by a car crash. Its a little like Magnolia though more gritty. Octavio is in love with his brothers wife, and enterers his dog into fights to raise the money for them to run away together. Daniel and Valeria have been having an affair on the first day they move in together she loses her leg.
One of the tag lines read roughly don't worry if you don't see it youll live it.
My life seems very plain in in comparison but then I am not sure I need those sort of stresses. There is lots going on with Facebook at the moment I am really enjoying it compared to myspace, already discovering old friends and hopefully some new ones.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Bradleys Birthday / 19 Days remaining
Went round to Ali's house this evening for a bbq. I ended up cooking for so many children I feel pretty tired now. It was a fun evening though.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
My Autobiography
Fill this out IN YOUR OWN WORDS and repost as, "My Autobiography" ... And use your own answers, not anyone else's.
- Where did you take your profile pic?Which profile? Facebook - Barracuda Macclesfield, blogger - coral sea
- What exactly are you wearing right now?
Jogging bottoms, T-shirt, socks, glasses - What is your current problem?
To many to list! - What makes you happy most?
Shouldnt it be happiest? - What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Red Wine, Sucess! - Cold War Kids - Any celeb you would marry
Angelina Jolie - Name someone with the same birthday as you?
No idea! - Ever sang in front of a large audience?
Nope - Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Nope - Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
Not often. - Do you speak any languages?
English, a bit of Japanese - Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
Nope - Do you ever watch MTV?
Nope. - What's something that really annoys you?
Feeling helpless
Chapter 1:
- Middle name:
David - Nickname(s):
Cookie - Current location:
Woodford - Eye color:
blue
Chapter 2:
- Do you live with your parent(s):
Yes, for now - Do you get along with your parent(s):
Mostly - Are your parents married/separated/divorced
No - Do you have any Siblings?:
Nope
Chapter 3: Favorites
- Ice Cream:
Vanilla - Season:
autumn - Shampoo/conditioner:
no preference
Chapter 4: Do You.
- Dance in the shower?
No - Do you write on your hand?
No paper is more handy, haha, ill get my coat - Call people back:
Usually - Believe in love:
Yes. - Any bad habits?
Yes. - Any mental health issues:
Who dosn't
Chapter 5: Have You.
- Broken a bone:
No - Sprained stuff:
Yes, this damn evening! - Had physical therapy:
Yes - Gotten stitches:
No - Taken painkillers:
Yes. - Gone scuba diving or snorkeling:
Scuba - Been stung by a bee:
Yes, OUCH! - Thrown up at the dentist:
No, no fillings - Sworn in front of your parents:
Frequently - Had detention:
Yes - Been called a hoe:
No
Chaper 6: Who/What was the last
- Movie(s):
Luck number slevin (Rubbish) - Three people to text you:
Paul, Phil and Olya - Person you called:
Bruce - Person you hugged:
dunno, my mum probably sad isnt it - Person you tackled:
Noone since I played rugby in college - Person you talked to on IM?
Nekene - Thing you touched:
Tea cup - Thing you ate?
Curry - Thing you drank:
tea - Thing you said:
Thanks - Person you kissed:
Some random girl in Weatherspoons
Monday, April 09, 2007
A walk in the country / 21 Days to Go
:)
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| Higher Poynton |
After the walk we treated ourselves to a pub lunch at the Vernon arms. It was pretty standard pub grub but I had worked up an appetite and wolfed it :)
It was good to do something different with my day, recently I feel like everything is so prescribed, I have a routine and nothing really changes it.
:(
I had an argument with someone this evening, I was in a bad mood to start with but I hardly needed someone telling me the same old things. Get a new job John, change your life John. Yeah great I hadn't thought about that! I am aware that I am idling my time away and I could do more the trouble is there is so much I could / should do I find it almost impossible to do anything. I spent the other night trying to get my CV jazzed up, I haven't even heard back from anything I applied for recently a bad sign indeed. It is hardly surprising though I have been stuck in two jobs where no training has been given despite the fact my job title is trainee.Lots of people tell me I should buy a house move out, but the thing is I struggle to think of anybody I know who managed to buy a place off their own back. They all had input from the family either through loans or inheritance non of which are going to come my way. During the time I have been employed since 2004 prices have gone up faster than I can put money in the bank, 6-7% per annum, compared to 5% on my savings.
:S
I haven't got a clear idea of what to do, everyone has their own advice and arguments, some compelling, some dreadful but almost all different. I know I need to decide for myself but I am frankly bewildered and unable to choose. Do I go all out start a new career, stick with what I have? Get a house move out rent, forget everything and go travelling? Or just carry on? I'm not happy now, the trouble is I find it difficult to remember what makes me happy. Being with my friends is great but recently I feel detached from them. I enjoy the gym, but I doubt I would like to be a fitness coach. I guess everything has problems, costs and benefits, only the right choices yield rewards. Well I am confused and tired I'll do what I am best at, ignore it for now.Sunday, April 08, 2007
Aptana
Found a great free editor for web pages. If you like me and love to hack the html / php asp js code raw but would like something that gives you a little bit of a helping hand try Aptana. Its free, has an inbuilt validator for html and css. Does code completion and syntax highlighting, tabbed editing, document mapping and a hole host of other useful features. Worth a look for anyone who liked Macromedia Homesite or uses a text editor to create web pages.
24 Days to go
I don't feel great tonight I was going to write another self indulgent post but I need to move beyond it. Earlier today P hugged me goodbye and I didn't know how to react. I know that I have never been a tactile person, but I had not realised how detached from people I have become. I told B that I could no longer imagine being in a relationship, and I was completely true. Standing on the dance floor on Thursday I realised I was afraid of approaching people. I think the fear of rejection has completely consumed me to the point where interaction with women outside my social circle is impossible. I am able to be friends with the girlfriends of my friends but not to communicate with a potential girlfriend. I think I have stayed too long and played life too safe I need to wake myself up, the problem is that I don't know how.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Easter Weekend
Met up with Ian, Paul and Pippa for a sunny Saturday afternoon meal. We dined at the Oakwood pub. Had a snake then went back to Ian's house for a home made Frappachino. Ian showed us the rather excellent
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| Ian's photo montage. |
Balloon From Space
Ian and I were chatting when out of nowhere a balloon (or what was left of it dropped onto a tree next to us!
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| Burst balloon on a monkey puzzle tree |
Perculiar way / 24 Days to go
I had a terrible hangover after last night hardly made it out of bed.
Today went to Burnley to check out a set Paul was playing as part of the Blues Music festival there. He had a 2pm session at the Bridge Inn Bier Huis. He plays a pretty good set Pippa even joined in providing backing vocals. It was actually a quiet nice harmony in spite of her sore throat.
We were going to stay and watch some of the other acts. The next band started well a blues affair, they sounded great, unfortunately they were there own greatest fans, getting more and more self indulgent as the set went on the songs got longer with more and more guitar solos. Thanks to Burnley's crap parking I had to move my car every 40 minutes, I managed to walk a block to the car, move it walk back and they were still playing the same song as when I left.
This evening went to watch lost at Phil's house, a kind of recap episode to remind viewers of some of the still outstanding themes and to kill off some more characters.
Today went to Burnley to check out a set Paul was playing as part of the Blues Music festival there. He had a 2pm session at the Bridge Inn Bier Huis. He plays a pretty good set Pippa even joined in providing backing vocals. It was actually a quiet nice harmony in spite of her sore throat.
We were going to stay and watch some of the other acts. The next band started well a blues affair, they sounded great, unfortunately they were there own greatest fans, getting more and more self indulgent as the set went on the songs got longer with more and more guitar solos. Thanks to Burnley's crap parking I had to move my car every 40 minutes, I managed to walk a block to the car, move it walk back and they were still playing the same song as when I left.
This evening went to watch lost at Phil's house, a kind of recap episode to remind viewers of some of the still outstanding themes and to kill off some more characters.
Athena / 25(ish) Days
Some of the most enjoyable things I have ever done have been spur of the moment decisions. I am not sure exactly why the lack of planning makes it more enjoyable, perhaps it removes the stress of worrying whether plans will turn out.
Regardless, tonight was fluid evening. The evening started with Phil and I heading out to the Kings Head in Cheadle Hulme. It was busy in there and we kept tripping over the bottles and glasses left on the floor.
Next move was to head to John Millington, in there we bumped into Ian, Gilly, and some other friends. One guy joined us called Steve, I had met him years ago, now he is a tanned and incredibly muscled man. Ian made a joke about him doing steroid's and he casually replied that he did, going on to say he used injections "two in the arm two in the ass". Unbelievably but the women seem to like his appearance, though I can't imagine myself ever sticking needles into myself I can see it does make a difference.
After a few more drinks we headed out to the Bollin Fee in Wilmslow. At the Bollin fee there was some sort of altercation, some guy said something to Ian and Phil nearly causing a Fight. Ian basically shouted at him and he backed down, from what I here Phil was spoiling for a fight though!
I got drunk hung out with people, said hi to some people I hardly knew and was generally a drunken person. I think we scared some girl outside the kebab shop at the end of the evening.
Regardless, tonight was fluid evening. The evening started with Phil and I heading out to the Kings Head in Cheadle Hulme. It was busy in there and we kept tripping over the bottles and glasses left on the floor.
Next move was to head to John Millington, in there we bumped into Ian, Gilly, and some other friends. One guy joined us called Steve, I had met him years ago, now he is a tanned and incredibly muscled man. Ian made a joke about him doing steroid's and he casually replied that he did, going on to say he used injections "two in the arm two in the ass". Unbelievably but the women seem to like his appearance, though I can't imagine myself ever sticking needles into myself I can see it does make a difference.
After a few more drinks we headed out to the Bollin Fee in Wilmslow. At the Bollin fee there was some sort of altercation, some guy said something to Ian and Phil nearly causing a Fight. Ian basically shouted at him and he backed down, from what I here Phil was spoiling for a fight though!
I got drunk hung out with people, said hi to some people I hardly knew and was generally a drunken person. I think we scared some girl outside the kebab shop at the end of the evening.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Everything changes but you (26 days to go)
Many people say the life is a circle hat goes around comes around. Today was a very strange day, it started with a useless argument with my dad, we just have different ideas about life.
Aside from work to weird conversations had a big impact on my perspective. This first was an ad that dropped through the door for a cleaning company, normally this would go straight into the bin until I saw who the person behind the company was. A real blast from the past Laura Fairhurst has started her own cleaning business. I really wanted to call her say hello but somehow I have no idea what to say so I wimped out and did nothing.
The second revelation was from an ex work colleague, he is getting married on the 12Th May to another girl I used to work with. They were both my friends and I am really happy for them. He is going to Berlin for his stag do with yet some more faces from the past. While I am very happy for them there moving on with things highlights my inactivity, plus I didn't get an invite, so now I feel depressed.
Those two events highlighted a feature of my lifestyle, both Laura and Greg, Becky Jon and Collin were at a time people who featured prominently in my life but for various reason we became disconnected and no longer communicate. I could argue about whose fault it is though it is irrelevant. The lesson is without work on both sides even good friendship's can disappear during the natural course of life.
Aside from work to weird conversations had a big impact on my perspective. This first was an ad that dropped through the door for a cleaning company, normally this would go straight into the bin until I saw who the person behind the company was. A real blast from the past Laura Fairhurst has started her own cleaning business. I really wanted to call her say hello but somehow I have no idea what to say so I wimped out and did nothing.
The second revelation was from an ex work colleague, he is getting married on the 12Th May to another girl I used to work with. They were both my friends and I am really happy for them. He is going to Berlin for his stag do with yet some more faces from the past. While I am very happy for them there moving on with things highlights my inactivity, plus I didn't get an invite, so now I feel depressed.
Those two events highlighted a feature of my lifestyle, both Laura and Greg, Becky Jon and Collin were at a time people who featured prominently in my life but for various reason we became disconnected and no longer communicate. I could argue about whose fault it is though it is irrelevant. The lesson is without work on both sides even good friendship's can disappear during the natural course of life.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
27 Days to go
For some weird reason my Internet connection was a totally unreliable.
Nothing much happened tonight, I went to the gym managed 9.5km I will make it to 10 one of these days. I was talking to a fried today about the gym and how narcissistic training can be, admiring oneself in mirrors and toning can, if one isn't careful become self obsessive. I think I am pretty normal though just want to lose some weight.
I have been watching nip tuck recently, its a show about two plastic surgeons which explores aging, the complexities and hypocrisy's of the modern imagine obsessed world. It is a very entertaining show, though full of the full gory details of plastic surgery. My stomach actually turns sometimes at when peoples bodies are being cut up.
I had to raid my money jar in order to pay off a bill, what with buying my monitor and the impending China trip I am a little strapped for cash at the moment. Things will work out without me resorting to raiding my savings. It's going to be tight though.
Nothing much happened tonight, I went to the gym managed 9.5km I will make it to 10 one of these days. I was talking to a fried today about the gym and how narcissistic training can be, admiring oneself in mirrors and toning can, if one isn't careful become self obsessive. I think I am pretty normal though just want to lose some weight.
I have been watching nip tuck recently, its a show about two plastic surgeons which explores aging, the complexities and hypocrisy's of the modern imagine obsessed world. It is a very entertaining show, though full of the full gory details of plastic surgery. My stomach actually turns sometimes at when peoples bodies are being cut up.
I had to raid my money jar in order to pay off a bill, what with buying my monitor and the impending China trip I am a little strapped for cash at the moment. Things will work out without me resorting to raiding my savings. It's going to be tight though.
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB!
My friend Salma sent this round,
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
29 Days to go
Had a busy day at work, but still just about managed to meet up with my latest Thawte person. He is a Polish guy we didn't speak much though, he just got his points and left.
Not much happened this evening I caught up with Nip Tuck.
Not much happened this evening I caught up with Nip Tuck.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Because / 30 Days to go
It took me three goes to start this post nothing much happened today, I cleaned my car, had lunch with the folks and spent the day doing nothing in particular.
Its 30 days until I leave for China I am very excited, though also slightly afraid. For the first time in my life I will be a country where I will be the outsider. Even in Belarus I fitted in
Today was April Fools day. By the time I was up and at em we were already past the 12pm threshold where the joke comes back on you. Its one of the first years something in the papers did't totally take me in. Hopefully its a sign of wisdom ;)
This evening I went out with Ian, always a dangerous plan on a Sunday evening and this was no different, we drank we laughed and chatted. I had more drink than was a good idea for a Sunday evening but not enough that I can't blog. Though perhaps I shouldn't.
I was feeling a little on edge because someone I have been chatting too in a virtual world has started to play a part in my real world. Coupled with this I am troubled with questions about my life, am I doing the right thing, should I make some changes? Am I the arrogant bastard M or L seems to think I am? Tough questions without a reasonable answer in my alcohol fueled state.
I think I often take the path of least resistance, sometimes it the right choice you cannot spent your whole life fighting. The difficulty is knowing the right path. In one bar tonight I saw some images from the Louis Theroux piece on the American family Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. They 100% violently against homosexuality touting banners like "God is your enemy, I also saw an anti Diana poster though why I don't know (the sound wasn't on. What worried me was these people looked like normal were white bread Americans.
Its 30 days until I leave for China I am very excited, though also slightly afraid. For the first time in my life I will be a country where I will be the outsider. Even in Belarus I fitted in
Today was April Fools day. By the time I was up and at em we were already past the 12pm threshold where the joke comes back on you. Its one of the first years something in the papers did't totally take me in. Hopefully its a sign of wisdom ;)
This evening I went out with Ian, always a dangerous plan on a Sunday evening and this was no different, we drank we laughed and chatted. I had more drink than was a good idea for a Sunday evening but not enough that I can't blog. Though perhaps I shouldn't.
I was feeling a little on edge because someone I have been chatting too in a virtual world has started to play a part in my real world. Coupled with this I am troubled with questions about my life, am I doing the right thing, should I make some changes? Am I the arrogant bastard M or L seems to think I am? Tough questions without a reasonable answer in my alcohol fueled state.
I think I often take the path of least resistance, sometimes it the right choice you cannot spent your whole life fighting. The difficulty is knowing the right path. In one bar tonight I saw some images from the Louis Theroux piece on the American family Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. They 100% violently against homosexuality touting banners like "God is your enemy, I also saw an anti Diana poster though why I don't know (the sound wasn't on. What worried me was these people looked like normal were white bread Americans.
counting down for cookie's visit - 30 days left
Once i asked cookie that if i could do something for his visit, his reply was easy: the only thing you should do is to help find me a hotel and be patient waiting. so i came out with this: we together write a blog here to memorize, our happiness our sadness during this waiting period. later on i think i will also put the traveling schedule on, thanks to blogger with its stage, as well as the time difference did something good anyway, cause its 2nd April by my time while 1st day by yours. n__n so lets get started.
as far as i could remember the first time we both got to know each other, at that time i was a colleague girl with dreams & curiosity, i didn't realize the guy i was chatting with would really come in front of me in real, but cookie said we would meet one day, i believed him.
as far as i could remember the first time we both got to know each other, at that time i was a colleague girl with dreams & curiosity, i didn't realize the guy i was chatting with would really come in front of me in real, but cookie said we would meet one day, i believed him.
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