Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Where you end and I begin

Work went pretty well today, managed to get some points about my work across to the bosses about some of my recent achievements. I found one piece of work had generated an extra million pounds of business, in no small art down to my integration program. I also got invited out to a free meal with the customer on Friday.

I did a good deed for the day and gave my dad's old pc to one of the guys who comes to the lan. Its a bit buggered but he is at college so he has plenty of time to spend diagnosing the problem. Hopefully it means he will be able to attend the next lan event.


I am obsessed. I have through my life struggled with a pretty obsessive nature, patterns organisation, the familiar are all things I like. I often try and do unfamiliar things in order to break of of habits. Like taking crazy overseas holidays and meeting new people. Unfortunately try as I might I usually revert to pattern behaviour.

At the moment I am still completely obsessed with Olya, I know I only spent a 10 days with her in another country. In my head I know I have built up a mental image beyond the reality of our meetings. The trouble is despite knowing all that I still cant stop thinking about her. I have chatted to her every couple of days, I keep revisiting the pictures from Turkey. I even rather stupidly asked her to come to Milan with me.

The trouble is while she is pretty much everything I could want, smart, sexy fun, I'm not.

One of my friends thinks I only want her because I cant have her, and in a perverse way perhaps that is true. Maybe in time I would find more about her out and realise we arn't suited I really don't know. For the time being though I just need to try and stop break out of this current habit and move on to something else. I just hope can find the strength to do it rather than just talking about it.