2 Days

I did something very bloody stupid this evening and compounded it by avoiding the issue. Only the future will tell if its going to come out.

Tonight I went out with Jo's Friday night pub club, I arrived at 8.30pm only Jo and I were there. I continued to drink until other people arrived. I was challenged with people I hardly know and people I frankly wish I could have avoided. Together with the earlier stupidity just wished I could dissolve. I felt so depressed I just wanted to disappear, this is not the mood I wanted to be in before Shanghai but unfortunately I messed up and here I am.

I arrived at 8.30 to find Jo sat on his own. The Governers house was not as I remembered, it seemed full of pretentious women in their late thritys, showing too much cleveage and waering too much makeup.

Nick and Becky joined us, she was telling us how dangerous riding can be. Apparently earlier that day a girl died on the horse riding course that she is competing in tomorrow, I hope she is more careful. Then Leon and Wally turned up, Leons girlfirend looked bored and I found it hard to strike up conversation. Then Liz G and her friend turned up, I just downed a few more pints and wished I could vanish.

Street Hawk / 3 Days to go

Becky came over this evening to talk about some updates for Cheshire Horse Box hire. She gave me some photos and ideas to add, and hopefully jazz the site up a little. I am not sure I will manage to get much done before I go away though.

After having a chat and reminiscing over old photos, Nick bobbed over and we headed to the revamped Unicorn. It has been shut for a couple of week so we were interested to find out what's new. Basically not a lot the outside bit has been remodelled with a heated seating area I guess mainly for the smokers and in readiness for Summer. Inside a lick of pains new carpets and seats, but mostly the same. Its kind of strange because it is so similar but different enough so as you notice.

Julie was working, she basically made an effort to ignore us until the end of the evening when Becky made a point of chatting to her. From that point on they renewed their friendship and chatted about life love and the universe for quiet a while. Nick and I sat and chatted about the life money and women.

I was having a stress as so far this week three people have accused me of being gay. I mean there is nothing wrong with being gay its just I don't have any attraction in that way. My problem is the sort of women that seem to like me hold no attraction for me. Whereas the women I won't seem not to notice me at all. Perhaps I am setting my sights too high, its just I don't want to end up in a loveless relationship just for the sake of being with someone, I want to be with the right someone. In my opinion at least one of my friends is in a relationship more through inertia than love, or even affection and I know deep down I would be made deeply unhappy by that (even more unhappy than I am single).