Friday, December 30, 2005


Today was terminal tournaments VI was held today, personally I felt like it went badly, dispite the extra effort getting the server working it still wasnt right. I feel I have failed and came in for a lot of flack, I don't really feel like it was worth the effort I put in, perhaps I am just tired and pissed off, I dont know. Martin thinks it went well.
Got some random and franly unwelcome texts from Liz which really served to blacken my mood, its seems that dispite her intention I feel like she brings out the worst deamons in me. I have been very up an down recently trying to work out where my life is going I feel kind of like I am wasting my time going nowhere but at the same time I haven't really got a clue about what else I should be doing. I just want to have something more creative in my life, I see people like Paul and I want to be able to touch the hearts and minds of other people to be part of something more.
Its not that I hate what I do enotirly its somewhat stimulating, but I am working for something I don't really believe in after my own expeiences in dealing with money or lact of it. Talking of which today I was amazed that everyone around me can afford so many gadgets and gizmos, is it that I am poorer that I dont have a £700 tft monitor or play station portable. Am I right to be saing my money away earning a few pound interest or hoping for stock market growth, should I be more like them making myself happy with the material, or should I be more like Nick finding my own wyas to profit. Should I even care so much about money.
So many things so much on my mind I also feel very alone, I take comfort in my friends both in the real world and the internet, they are leaving my though finding there own paths whilst I stay static. Typical me I end up feeling morose, I can never seem just to be happy.