Friday, January 25, 2008

Jigsaw Falling Into Place

The more I think about things the more I realise most everything in life is a balancing act. We all try to find the right mix for ourselves, some of us focus on careers some on happiness, either choice is really a mixture. Very few people are totally business focussed to the point of missing out on the important things in life like friends and family. Yet that is my point and point of view in one, perhaps I am tainted by my own balance to consider friend and family the top of my agenda to the detriment of career (amongst other things).
I have been thinking about balance a lot recently, I think possibly because a few things are going on which affect mine. My dads illness has made me feel more vulnerable, when I see me parents ill it brings home to me my ultimate mortality. Combined with this is a more uncertain world, work is no longer the fixed target changes in the market and companies mean I no longer have so much of a safety net. Finally searching for a house, and thinking about changing my life to do so has made me focus a lot. Reconciling the idea that I will be more limited in so many ways, certainly I won't be able to take so many holidays is quite scary, its even more scary that the many practical concerns like having to pay all the bills and look after myself.
I made some bad decisions recently, I need to take back control of a few things that I have let slide I think I still have time to change and adapt, find some new balances.
On a more positive note I had a really nice lunch today, I met up with Sarah. She someone who has always been on the periphery of my circle of friends. I am sad that I didn't spend more time and get to know her, she proved to be very good company hopefully it will be the first of many lunch time diversion. The catalyst for our meeting proved to be her change of jobs placing her working life into central Wilmslow. She posed me an interesting question which got me thinking about the blog / life balance. She wondered if it was weird when people who didnt know me very well knew about my life via this blog. It was the first couple of times it happened, and especially when Patrick walked up to me and started talking to me as if I had known him for ages. I got used to it though and over time could start to tell who were reading me. The odd thing I noticed was my closest friends with whom I spend the most time with were the least likely too read me. At first I was a little hurt but then I realised I spend half my life talking to them its no wonder then dont want to read my random chatter as well.
This evening I spent a few hours trying hard to help my dad out with some software he wants to put out on the internet see it anyone is interested. Its something he started over 10 years ago, he even came runner up in a DTi competition but has never quiet finished. I tried my best to do something and who knows perhaps its still got potential, I hope so its pretty clever (if you need to cut gears). We struggle to work together though, I guess t because we are family but neither of us has any patients with each other, whereas we would both give someone else a chane we are the first to jump down each others throats./ Fortunately we can still get things done, on occasion, with a following wind.
On a final note well done to my friend K for passing her driving theory test, hope you'll be terrorising the streets of York soon.