Long Weekend

This morning I was in London hung over wondering how much a fool of myself I made last night. Now I am back in my own home enjoying a cold beer I feel much better. It has been a strange weekend, after a rather harsh day at work on Friday (harsh week to be honest but that's another story) I headed out on the M6 south. Through torrential rain hard enough that I could barely see the road, two sets of 50 mph speed limits (I should have taken the toll road and did on the way back). I arrived at Paul's about 10 and we went out for a few drinks at the star and garter. The conversation was mainly focussed on catching up with our various goings on I complement Paul on his new song Its Over Now he told me about Ian, Dan and his life. I told him what was going on with me we had a few drinks, Pippa stayed at the flat. I thought it was really nice gesture letting us catch up with each others goings on.

On Saturday my first job was to help Paul sort his lights out; At some point there had been a wasp nest in his attic, some of the wasps got trapped in the light fittings (those flush fitted spots) so that when you pull out a bulb to put in a new light several dead carbonized wasp bodies fallout. Paul being a wuss he has let virtually all of the bulbs in the flat died before doing anything about it. I don't like wasps very much but when they are dead its ok so I pulled all the bulbs out and vacuumed out the bodies. This done we went out on a mission to buy some new bulbs. Whilst out we spent the time shopping browsing Fopp and various video game shops, Paul and Pippa have bought a Nintendo game cube that seems to have become something of an obsession to Paul.

The plan for Saturday night was meant to be; watch the 'X-Factor'; and ';How do you solve a problem like Maria' TV shows then go out for some drinks. Paul made us a lovely Thai curry for dinner whilst Pippa and I watched TV. After the shows though we kind of acquiesced and started watching Twin Peaks. Pippa seemed to go suddenly withdrawn then got upset, I think homesickness perhaps, it got quiet dark so she went to bed, Paul and I watched Muse and a few other acts from the Reading / Leeds festival.

Next morning Pippa still seemed withdrawn she got angry at Paul because he was playing computer games and ignoring her. I felt terribly awkward I didn't know what to do or say. Fortunately, the promise of going home cheered her up.

I drove to Pippas house in London, it wasn't actually too bad to get too, the house was gorgeous. Pippa visibly cheered up on arriving home, she happily gave me a tour, I was very impressed.

Paul and I went to the pub for an early drink and chat. The plan was for Pippa and her friend Lenia to meet us there later. We drank chatted drank some more. Pippa and Lenia arrived and we went to another pub to play pool, though we never actually made is to a pool hall. On the way one of the girls needed a bathroom break so we stoped off at a bar, decided to have one drink then ended up staying there. Paul and I carried on drinking I suggested we stoop Paul agreed, then went and bought another round!

After a couple of rounds in the bar another of Pippa's friends, Katie and some lads joined us. One of whom seemed a cool guy the other I could quiet happily have beaten to a bloody pulp. Unfortunately, in my usual style I carried on drinking like a trooper too fast too much and without dinner a recipe for disaster I held it together until we went back to Pippa's at about 11 (I had been drinking since 5 with the first Leffe at Pippa's house). I was ok for a few minutes then I realised how much more drunk than everyone else I was. This was not good Paul had retired to bed too drunk to go on. I felt out of place not being great with new people when sober never mind when off my face I tried my best then bombed out.

I woke up this morning at 7am with my head pounding, mouth dry and foul tasting, stewing in a borrowed sleeping bag. Added to all this was a feeling of total embarrassment. I lay there for a couple of hours longer until Paul woke me. In complete contrast to Sunday morning Pippa was dancing round the house happy and light I felt like I wanted to die, forced down breakfast jumped in the car and drove to Leamington. Paul and I had a good chat in the car I felt much better on the road with the aircon cooling me down and breakfast soaking up the beer.

Back at Paul's we played enough Simpson's to complete a load more missions had dinner then I headed for home. All in all a great weekend, I need my own place, the freedom, and the ability to omit to tell people that I live with my parents would be wonderful.

My god what a genius film the weatherman, I have been watching it whilst typing out this post and chatting to Phil on msn. I can empathise so closely with Nicolas Cage's character, the feeling of not living up to my dad, of being a fuckup. Mind you I wish had his success. Haha I always want more!

Another Day

Work has been hell recently truly I have never been hit for so many things all priorities at once, somehow though I am acheiving less than ever before all the jobs are more tricky beyond my abilities or am so demotivated I can no longer perform or in the past things were too easy. I am not sure the true answers I just know how I eel and at the moment that is not good. I am starting to become the person I always wanted to avoid work focussed manic with no real life; people ask me what I have been doing and aside rom work and trips to the pub what is that exactly?
Suprisingly tonight I went for a few drinks with B and P and Endo it was nice even had a completly civil chat with Julie shes buying a Puma.
I am about two thirds through war and peace now its getting really interesting Napolean is invading Russian making the same mistake as Alexander the Great (and Hitler) charging into Russian in the winter. bad move.
I still hve no idea about what to do about my holidays I havent even been away this year I am wasting my life away working for others and getting no benifit why? why?
This weekend I am going to see Paul something always fun (unless he is in the process of splitting up with his girlfriend) hopefully that will make me feel better about things. I need some fun I think to break away from the mundain.

Fell on Black Days

Last night went out with Nick Becs and Bruce, we popped to the Thieves for a few quiet drinks Bruce was telling me about his Saturday meet-up with the guys he used to work with and how well Big Matt is doing. He is thinking of going contracting because it seems that's where the money is.
Becs was looking a bit tired apparently her doctor told her to take a week off will hopefully that will sort her out.
Nick was alluding to some problems with Ian and Faye but he wouldn't give a straight answer maybe because Bruce was here or maybe because Becs was or me who knows. Nick was in a good mood I guess his manoeuvring around houses is all working out good luck to him.
The product of me talking to my boss about my dad came off today My dad met Martin in Wilmslow today and we all had a drink together afterwards. Felt very strange I am still not 100% I have done the right thing. Especially weird was sitting in the Rectory with Dad Martin David and Steve.
Called Paul to catch up with him this evening wanted to ask him about my whole trip disaster but it didn':t happen I guess that is one mess for me to work out on my own.
Swapping songs tonight (please don&pos;t sue me bpi i bought two albums today) I sent Phil Fell on Black days he sent me FEAR - Ian Brown it turns out we both already own these songs so no point.
I am now just over half way through War and Peace so far its a very rewarding book the characters are so vivid I want to know what happens next and mad though it is I want to see Russia. I must be mad.

Drunk Machine

My 3 copies of Thom Yorks Harrowdown Hil arrived today, my dad was amazed anyone still pressed vinal.
Made a journel to the trafford centre a complete mistake on a arainy summer day it was so busy we ended up parking in costco (and had a decent lunch for £2). We (Myself Phil and Bruce) went to look round the apple store, it was my first time I have been to the one in London (which is far superior) but this was pretty cool lots of nice macs. When I got home I played some Counter Srike trying to imporve my skill from zero to hero so far more zero but who knows.
This evening watched some old fimls again on sky with Phil whislt downing plently of bottle of beer. We watched Batman returns a classic in my opinion Tim Burton is just such a good director. Also watched Sin City, wow can anyone even come close to the sheer cinematic mastery of that film, the use of light and colour is just genius. The acting is sumblime a truly brillent film.
I have been feeling particuarly alone recently Phil has been out with Mercades, Bruce with Nina, Ians working Paul is in London and Nick is working on his houses. I get the feeling I should be out seeing the world. Tthat omehow my world is getting smaller. Strange Strange :S

EB the furture

After another torrid day at work I was feeling pretty tired but I managed to make it to the gym and work out some of my frustrations. I just about managed a run 7km in 50 minutes not great but not bad (for me).

Met up with Bruce and Berger in the Hesketh Cheadle Hulme. For a while we have been talking about building up the Lan events a bit more so we finally sat down and made up a couple of plans. The consensus was that we could do a larger event maybe up to 50 people but we need first to try and find a new venue and to update our rather creaky website. Bruce is going to have a look at updating the website and we are all going to look for new venues.

I think we might go on a reconnaissance mission to see if we can get any tips from some of the other bigger lan's going on.

Wrong size hole

Finally got the go ahead to pick the we bought off ebay up, two immediate problems the disks are too big stupid tall ones they wont fit in a 1u bay :-S but worse than that we need a special cable as x330s apparently dont have mouse, keyboard or video except using IBMs special cable a quick look shows the cable cost more than the server just for a stupid bit of cable which breaks out the vga, keyboard and mouse :S
Its all very frustrating I am sure eventually I will find way around it but for now the server is sat usless under my desk.

Terminal Tournaments X

The tenth ejected brass was held yesterday it was pretty succsessful we have plenty of people turn up to play. My ex workmate Jon made the trip from Leeds with his Macbook, we couldnt get Windows installed so he ended up sharing my pc. He is a bit of a quake fiend.
The server ran really well after a few tweask even Counter Strike seemed to play ball. Bruce loaned us a Cisco switch and buy did it make a big difference it seemed to handle file transfers a lot better than the 3com. I think we might have to buy one in the long term I m certainly a convert now I have seen real world how well they work.

Crazy Days

UK airports ground to a halt today because of terrorist activity (or at least that is the official line who knows the real truth). Work dosnt change of course, I have had a new guy working with me, he is another veteral programmer slighlty different from the others though as he is from South Africa and unlike a lot of British people I know he is positivly glad to be in the UK. He believes it a better country to be in than the US or SA!
Given the IT manger is also a South African its a veritable take over. We went out for lunch so the new guy (sic) could meet one of the other guys.
This evening i have been trying to do the lan set up, finally got a working version of the quake four patch (thanks to bit torrent see not just for pirate things).

Performanc

Got my investment statment yesterday so far this year the termoil in the markets hasnt made me any richer I am finally in overall profit shacking off my initial huge losses with Aberdeen Technology.
Still overall I would have been better off leaving my money in a savings account, hopefully over a longer term Ill earn a better return here is hoping. I dont think my technology shares will ever make any money they would have to raise 5 times their current rate to even break even! Some hope!
Half of investment is attempting not to be overly speculative the greatest returns offfer the greatest dissapointment when I bought my tech stock you coulnt lose they had been going up for years with no end in sight...
Ho hum lesson learned dont be a sheep, choose for the fundamentals not for what people with vested interest or no skills say.

Your so Cold

I have just watched a Spanish film called 'Live Flesh' based on a Ruth Rendell book, its a Spanish take on the thriller genre. I thought it was quiet good but more for the strong characters than the direction. Centring on the lives of Victor a boy always in a hurry and in the wrong place at the wrong time. The tension is not built very well and it was predictable but still a fresh enough take to be worth a watch.
Today has not been the best day, strange bugs and bad information left me spending most of my day running through different simulations I am still amazed at the number of different ways the standard formulars can be applied. I think I cracked it eventually apart from one small issue ill integrat tomorrow. Spoke to one of my collegues he is working full time on another project so it looks like the end of my experiment working on the web stuff I think Ill be stuck forever unless I branch out into something new. Nick thinks I should take the exams and become a broker myself. Its all courses and fees though most of the time I feel o tired I can barly concentrate. My eyes are so sore I need to see the doctor really it must be an infection, Ill find time one day.

Different World

It has been a long day. I spent the morning playing counter strike getting in some practise before next weeks lan bash, this afternoon went swimming then out with Nick and Becky for dinner.
We went to the Leigh Arms in Prestbury near to where Becky lives. Prestbury is a very well to do town nestled away near to Macclesfield, home to company directors and footballers. I was a bit a a annoying evening for various reasons firstly I knew there was a bank in the town centre and I assumed incorrectly that the bank (there actually turned out to be two) would have a cash machine it didn't. Also my phone didn't work anywhere in the centre there is some sort of historic thing going on I guess mobile phones masts and cash machines are too modern.
Nick and Becky arrived only 10 minutes late not bad for a Brook, and the meal was excellent we chose from the bar menu and sat it there. I had fish an chips they were good however nicks bangers and mash looked fantastic.
We chattered about this and that the goings on in Lebanon, Nicks houses and Becky's horses but I couldn't help the feeling its a world I just don't belong to. I'm just a pleb, I don't even have a partner I have to work twice as hard to keep up the conversation. I don't have a rich family and I will probably never haven anything like wealth like the sort of people sat around me. Oh well back to work tomorrow at least I am honest and have integrity.
Bruce was meant to meet us at the pub but because I was in a hurry the couldn&pos;t get any reception on my phone he ended up at the wrong Leigh arms and I had two peeved messages on my phone when I returned to an area of coverage, oops!

Where is the world going

Just read a link posted by Thom York Harsh images, the middle east is a powder keg, there are all sorts of conflicting forces. Emotional (hate, desire, love, patriotism), religion, power, money influence. I think that both sides are ruthlessly using the media; the question is what will happen next are we tumbling towards a new era of conflict? How can Iraq or Afghanistan move on while wars rage on with the neighbours? Whilst Israelis have a right to defend themselves pictures of blown up children only promote the cause of Hezbollah. It all makes me sad but then there are a lot of people exploiting this confluct for their own ends and profiting from danger. I hope that a way past this can be found...

Hurrah for hot water

Since the DIY disaster of a few weeks ago I have had no hot water the heating never got reactivated after we accidently loosed off a few litres of it into my face.
This week the house has been upside down whilst some workmen from Saddleworth installed new radiators and a new boiler. It a modern condensing combination jobs so we dont have a huge water tank in the attic anymore. Also the back boiler from the fire is going to be ripped out too. Hopefully this well mean this winter I wont need electric heaters to stop myself freezing to death.
In other news Phil told me that he has handed in his resignation today he is going to start his own business providing IT support to small companies. I wish him good luck on his new venture he hasnt been too happy where he has been working for a while.

White

Last night I watched the Three colours white the second part of the trilogy to me is was probably the weakest of the three films on the theme of fidelity Karol a poilish imigrant in France is divorced by his wife and falls down on his luck saved and helped to return to Poland by a fellow Pole. Karol decided to improve his lot in order to seek revenge and win back his wife. Its all pretty complex the relationship between Karol and Michojev I found more interesting than that with his wife. It was well shot and interesting to watch well worth a viewing as long as you dont mind subtitles.
I might have set in motion something bad, yesterday I had a meeting with my boss Martin it was pretty fruitful in a way at least I know some of the things going on even if it dosnt yet make much difference to me. Martin made an offhand comment asking what my dad is upto these days, I mentioned that to my dad and suggested he send Martin his cv. On balance I am not sure it was worth me getting his hopes up its just I know he needs to get some income and perhaps he could help out, dispite not knowing basic he is a good programmer. My worry is that Martin will be annoyed at me or worse my dad will get his hopes up for nothing and be annoyed at me. Perhaps in future I should just keep my mouth shut.

Fishy

I have just cleaned out my tank changed the fileters and ordered £110 of filteres and cleaning products. I was pretty upset to see one of them floating on the surface this morning so I am going to make sure that the tank is as good an environment as possible from now on.

Had to use some brinkmanship to get holidays unforftunatly couldnt get any time off in October so looks like my trip to China is out now. Fortunatly I hadn't booked anything yet. At least I have got a few days of in September and at Christmas.

Sad

Got up this morning to find one of my fishes had died in the night, the silodontis catfish. Very upsetting but I guess he was nearly 6 years old and had never looked too good from when I first had him.