Zombie Bite Calculator

Created by Oatmeal

Beginning Polish

Kath (and her Polish friends) have been trying to teach me some Polish phrases.

Yes
Tak

No
Nie

GOOD DAY
dzień dobry

GOOD NIGHT
dobranoc

BEAUTIFUL KATH
piękna Kasia

HUG ME
przytul mnie

PLEASE
proszę

THANK YOU
dziękuję

WOMAN! beer!
kobieto piwo!

woman blowjob
KOBIETO LODA!

France 24 Mistake

France 24 Breaking news, actually Netherlands secured a spot in the 2010 World Cup final with a 3-2 victory over Uruguay not Spain, wonder what match the reporter was watching?

Robots

People who work on production lines have for a number of years had their jobs replaced by robots. Now even if you work in a resurant watch out!

The Register has a story about a Japanese resturant where the Miso Raimen is prepared by two industrial robots.

Cookie Sutra

My friend Kath found this

The loneliness of a tower crane driver

Saw two weird and wonderful stories while on lunch break which I thought I would share.

Reuters has a story about a German man who Man tries to fix airbed,and end up blowing up his apartment.

The Register has a tail of why it is not a good idea to sniff petrol then goad police.

Funny Load

Funny Load
Originally uploaded by j0hncooke

Nick and I were behing this, ahem, gym on the way to pick up a sofa near Clitheroe

Googlebombing

I just read this brilliant article on El Reg. It shows what can happen to people when they write about things they do not really understand which happen to also piss off people who do. A web search (on Google at least) for the offending columnist Julie Moult now returns this blog. Which shows two things really, annoying technical people can lead to problems and Googles ranking system is clearly manipulable by the internet masses.

Foamy

My friend Lisa sent me a link to this
I think its simply genius, Foamy he knows all...

Giving up blogging

No not really I just was laughing at this

Snowman

Snowman, originally uploaded by j0hncooke.

17:44 22 December 2007 22122007031 Phils sister Tina and her Ozzy boyfriend Jonny built this snowman outside their chalet

7 deadly sins / 7 Virtues

I am damned?

I think I have been guilty of them all this week.

Lust

I a single guy I cant help looking ;)

Gluttony

Yeah eating on the company expense account at the start of the week, well not just the start of the week I have been hungry a lot this week.

Avarice

I want to be rich trust me having no money isn't much fun.

Sloth

I haven't published a blog in ages mainly because I have been busy but also because I have been very lazy. I have hardly even made it to the gym either.

Wrath

I was SO angry with one of my colleagues I could easy have laid down my wraith,
in fact I contemplated many forms of revenge but in the end was too busy / lazy / cowardly or perhaps sensible to put them into action.

Envy

I was incredibly jealous of Lulu blog, she made her first post for months and immediately received more comments on it than mine had din its entire life. Mind you her next post was to thank me for fixing her shuffle so that made me smile.

Pride

I was ashamed to tell someone I still lied with my parents, always trying to keep up the good image.


or can I be redeemed?

Chastity

Being single its easy to be chaste

Abstinence

Hmm haven't done too well on this score I have eaten way too much this week.

Temperance

I do enjoy that beer goodness, so I guess I fall flat on my face with this one.

Diligence

Thanks to careful planning and execution my installation went like a dream score one for goodness :)

Patience

I have had moment of patients but overall I am a pretty impatient person :(

Kindness

I have given to charity and even helped out a few people

Humility

I think Im a pretty humble self deprecating guy most of the time.

So thats sins 7 Virtues 3 oh dear I am in trouble going to have to mend my ways I think!

My Autobiography

Fill this out IN YOUR OWN WORDS and repost as, "My Autobiography" ... And use your own answers, not anyone else's.

1. Where did you take your profile pic?Which profile? Facebook - Barracuda Macclesfield, blogger - coral sea
2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
   Jogging bottoms, T-shirt, socks, glasses
3. What is your current problem?
   To many to list!
4. What makes you happy most?
   Shouldnt it be happiest?
5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
   Red Wine, Sucess! - Cold War Kids
6. Any celeb you would marry
   Angelina Jolie
7. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
   No idea!
8. Ever sang in front of a large audience?
   Nope
9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
   Nope
10. Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
    Not often.
11. Do you speak any languages?
    English, a bit of Japanese
12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
    Nope
13. Do you ever watch MTV?
    Nope.
14. What's something that really annoys you?
    Feeling helpless

Chapter 1:

---

1. Middle name:
   David
2. Nickname(s):
   Cookie
3. Current location:
   Woodford
4. Eye color:
   blue

Chapter 2:

---

1. Do you live with your parent(s):
   Yes, for now
2. Do you get along with your parent(s):
   Mostly
3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced
   No
4. Do you have any Siblings?:
   Nope

Chapter 3: Favorites

---

1. Ice Cream:
   Vanilla
2. Season:
   autumn
3. Shampoo/conditioner:
   no preference

Chapter 4: Do You.

---

1. Dance in the shower?
   No
2. Do you write on your hand?
   No paper is more handy, haha, ill get my coat
3. Call people back:
   Usually
4. Believe in love:
   Yes.
5. Any bad habits?
   Yes.
6. Any mental health issues:
   Who dosn't

Chapter 5: Have You.

---

1. Broken a bone:
   No
2. Sprained stuff:
   Yes, this damn evening!
3. Had physical therapy:
   Yes
4. Gotten stitches:
   No
5. Taken painkillers:
   Yes.
6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling:
   Scuba
7. Been stung by a bee:
   Yes, OUCH!
8. Thrown up at the dentist:
   No, no fillings
9. Sworn in front of your parents:
   Frequently
10. Had detention:
    Yes
11. Been called a hoe:
    No

Chaper 6: Who/What was the last

---

1. Movie(s):
   Luck number slevin (Rubbish)
2. Three people to text you:
   Paul, Phil and Olya
3. Person you called:
   Bruce
4. Person you hugged:
   dunno, my mum probably sad isnt it
5. Person you tackled:
   Noone since I played rugby in college
6. Person you talked to on IM?
   Nekene
7. Thing you touched:
   Tea cup
8. Thing you ate?
   Curry
9. Thing you drank:
   tea
10. Thing you said:
    Thanks
11. Person you kissed:
    Some random girl in Weatherspoons

Cool as f*ck

Phil just pointed out this wonderful news artical about Swiss farmers doping their cattle. Apparently the farmers belever "the active ingredient in cannabis, THC, makes cows happy and produce more milk". It reminded me of the old Inspiral Carpets, they had a T-Shirt which had a logo of a twisted cow with the slogan "Cool as Fuck".

Fake Steve

Was just reading Weird online and found they have partnered with Fake Steve Its a bit weird but not a bad parody.

Darwin Awards 2006

Ah the annual Darwin awards always make me smile.

How (Not) to treat a women

Phil sent me this link which I thought was kind of amusing.

£48,000 Fuckup

I think at one point today I came closest to mental breakdown I have ever been. There was a period of pacing back and forth whilst on hold waiting to hear if I really owed nearly £50,000s.

OK I'll start at the beginning, earlier today I got a share tip from Jo, whilst I am not usually brave enough to act upon tips, had a quick look and decided it was worth a few quid for a punt, bit like a lottery ticket. In my lunch hour I fired up my share dealing site and placed an order for £500 as usual it presented me with an in principle contract to buy 415 shares at 1.16 what happened next though completely took me by surprise, it was showing 416 shares, but the cash balance was £-48,000 I and when I looked at the dealing form I had paid not 116 pence a share but 1160 ten time the market rate. Given my account limit is £5000 it shouldn't have been able to go through.

At this stage I was totally panicking losing 400 was bad but 50000 would be catastrophic I might as well forget the next 10 years saving for a house :-S, I basically run out of the office got sat in my car shaking partly because it was -1c partly from the fear I eventually got through to an operator explained the problem then waited on hold whilst she went off to find out what had happened. I think the next few minutes were the longest of my life sat listening to hold music pacing about the car park.

After about 10 minutes of listening to the company hold music looping every 30 seconds of so I was very stressed out, all sorts of thoughts were going through my head, I wondered whether I could declare myself bankrupt or fake my pc getting hacked or jump off a cliff. By the time she got back I was pretty worked up at first I thought she was going to pt the blame on me, but after a short explanation she told me they had made a mistake, I was very relieved so much so I didn't ask questions like, how did this happen, how could you let me trade so very far over my limit? How do I stop it happening again?

I got back into the office and I must of checked about once every thirty minutes to see if the share site updated, finally at 5.15 it did, what a relief.

Personally I am not sure where I would have stood had they tried to foist the blame onto me, I had no evidence of the site (in future I'll print each page off). I might have been able to wriggle out given the amount of money as so extremely high way beyond my limits. I think I'll brokers as well try might be a one of the worlds largest banks but they sure fucked up my trade. Oh well at least I don't owe £50000!