Wires

You know some days when you start a five minute job and that five minutes ends up being more like 5 hours? This morning my dad asked me to help him change some broken mains socket faceplates, given last night my mac died for no apparent reason the augurs were not so good for doing electrical work. However prompted thanks to the shoddy work by one of the electrictions. Whom had put a socket protruding about two inches from the wall, nice just what you need to trip over. Our idea was to recess this so out came the tools. We soon found we didn't have a decent small screw driver and we needed an extra socket so we went to B&Q braving the mass crowds we got some supplies and a new screwdriver.
We got home to find one of the back plates was wrong, played merrygo round moving facplates to try if different combinations would would getting more and more frustrated. One of the sockets had shorted and been melting on the indside so we were lucky to change it.
I dont know what was worse the frustration of the task, my dads annoying comments or my mum repeating "theres no such thing as a short task" over and over again.
All was well in the end though got all of them replaced just took way too long.

Dead Mac

I got home from the pub tonight and my powerbook was making horrible sounds. At first I thought I was just drunk and disorderly but then I relised instead of OSX I just had a picture of an OS9 smily face oh dear. Rebooting didnt help when it came back on sounded like an angle grinder. This can mean only one thing a totally dead hard drive yikes. Fortunatly I bought a removable disk the other day and back it up, unfortunatly the 5 songs I got off Itunes for free using my free coke music tokens were not backed up so wil have to be rebought :(

Visa

Now I have an offical tourist visa I am actually getting quiet excited about my impending trip, this time next week I will be in Minsk hopfully enjoying myself relaxing eating and drinking too much wondering around the parks and city.
To be honest I am totally afraid what will it be like in a country surrounded by non English speakers on my own will I rise to the occasion or sink without a trace?

Easy Peasy Japanesy

Had my first Japanese class tongith, I now know the numbers 1-10 in Japanese hurrah, however I feel that I might have bitten off more than I can chew especially as I will miss the next too lessons :S
E mi the Japanese girl taking the class seems exreamly polite and good tempered she did move on at a fair pace thought I am not sure I quiet took in all that was going on.
I will be in Belorus for the next two classes though I am going to have to rely on Philip to help me get upto speed, and on my own determination to succeed, I am doomed!
Japanese seems especially hard not only is their alphabet nothing like the latin one they also have three alphabets. We are starting with Katakana the alphabet used to describe all things forign (to Japan). I learned how to write my name though I doubt I will remember for long without practise.
Caught up with Ian and Danny at the rectory for a quiet drink Danny has replaced Lynne with a girl from Liverpool, which is good.
Ian is doing a brisk business by the sounds of it weird thing was I was the only person of Phil Ian dan and myself who isnt self employed, am I not doing as well, should I look to work with Phil or move on try and get somethign else. Its just so difficult I dont really know what is best, its easy to leave a job only to find myslef in a worse position or back on the dole queue. That wasnt fun at all.
Plus its not like my dad got anywhere trying to do his own thing he spent a fortune on stuff to get going and just flushed it down the toilet.

Fade out

Had an argument probably final with one of my MSN buddies; She took issue with my negative view of the world, I cant seem to help it I have felt sad for so long I am not sure even what happiness it. Even in moment of fun and games surrounded by friends I can feel alone. Its not that I dont know how to smile it just I think the world is horrible most people dont seem to be worth knowing and it all brings me down I cant put a brave face on I can only ever be me alone unwanted trying to lead a moral life in a sea of apathetic people.
Tonight I found out that the postal service dont have a record to say my passport and visa application was delivered there is less than a week to go I am going to have to make some frantic phone calls tomorrow t make things work out and there might not be a way :S It makes me feel sick to think about it all the pain to get things organized to do undone by the loss of my passport.
I went out for a drink with Phil tonight typically Claire was in the unicorn I cant ever seem to get free I should go somewhere else I shouldnt still feel anything I should have moved on a long time ago and in most ways I have yet she hurt me in a way no-one else ever has and that marked the point from which my love life has yet to recover. Since her I have has a few trysts, Nikkie, Liz, Lynne, and Janice. Yet none of them burned such an indelible and negative image on me. Perhaps I am just destined to be alone to always desire and yet never to fulfill those desires.
Yes I know who wants to go out with an overweight depressive like me, but yet I can be more am more I just need to cut away this cancer this malaise which pulls me back.
Its my first Japanese lesson tomorrow Lulu was most upset when I told her I think she would prefer me to learn anything but, however it dosnt change my desire to visit China before returning to Japan, who knows where life will lead perhaps Ill change perhaps i wont even so the world will keep turning the sun will still burn and life will go on.
Goodnight

Ouch

I cleaned out the fish last night removed some of the algea which has been building up since the algea eating catfish died I hadnt realised how much of a difference he made but now the tank is furring up fast. I hae bought a scraper to clear off some of the excess algea and amanged to remove some. The plants have been breeding and there were quiet a few floating child plants I started planting these the oscars decided my arm looked like a tasty treat and one of them bit a chunk out it hurt and I quickly pulled my arm out bashing my elbow on the corner of the tank as I did so. Being bitten was more shocking than painful but smakshing my elbow into the cornerof a glass tank well that fucking mega hurts!
Spoke to Liz last night she thinks the quailty of my blog has declined marked recently and I cant say I arguewith that particularly I feel a lot like I write the same thing over and over. Perhaps its bause I keep repeating the same mistakes or I am too afriad to move on with m life. It seems every choice I make is wrong and I doomed forever to waste away my days trapped in a cycle of decline. I hope one day to find a purpose some relife from all this, this life, this pain, this nothing.

Laugh at the Legion again

Ah as autumn approaches the monthly comedy nights have returned to the legion after there Summer hiatus. Its always a fun evening cheap beer an easy stroll home and usually some decent comedians. Last night was no exception after gorging ourselves on a takeaway curry myself Bruce and Phil popped down. Nick, Becs Martin Charlotte and Endo were also out. The comedians were not bad especially the compare Danny McGinlay, and the final act Rhodri Rhys. Martin preferred northern comedian Ruth White I guess its all a matter of taste. Martin has certainly mellowed out a lot since taking up with Charlotte he has gone from complaining about peoples public affection to being part of one of those sickly couple hand-holidng couples whom particularly offend singletons like myself. I was pretty tired and overful so made an earlyish exit after the last act.

Late nights and early mornings

I had to go in to work early this morning to implement a software upgrade, so I had quiet a conservative evening last night. It was still pretty fun though, started by collecting a very drunk Phil. He has gone out to Manchester to celbrate his last day of work, from now on he is self employed.
Next stop was Macclesfield to meet up with Ian Paul and Wooler, we met them in Weatherspoon, they were drunk already so Phil fitted in well. Everyone was in high spirits dispite the rather agressive people sat behind us whom seemed to be spoiling for a fight. Especially with there cheap and dangerous women flirting with some other guys who were there.
Next stop was Barracuda bar, this was a much nicer place though did they really need the airport style security and is they was the scanner work in line with the data protection act?
Barracuda is a South African style theme bar it was pretty modern and nice there were certaintly a lot of nice looking women. Ian exained the dancefloor and on his return accidently knocked over the pint of someone twice his size oops. Fortunatly he was nice enough not to make a fuss. Ian pulled the same trick demolishing someones pint when he went to the toliet as well oops.
We chatted and they drank some more I was sober so the jokes started wearing a little thin, I wish I had stayed this way last time I went out with him.
Unfortunatly I already felt tired so I left about 11.30 took Phil with me he was still very drunk dispite being on cola since I picked him up. I grabbed a relativly early night in order to get up at 6am and get into work in order to get a software release out before 9am. It actually went very well and I was finished a little after 10 (had a couple of hours of testing after the release).
This afternoon I am off to the other server to grab a full backup.

-VE energy

A philosopher called Carl Hempel showed that by manipulating the logical statement "all ravens are black", you could derive the equivalent “all non-black objects are non-ravens”. Thus is the basis for a new form of database. I am not 100% sure I really follow the concept entirley, but it is an interesting one the idea that you could have a dataset with no data which you would use to test the validity of the query itself. Intreresting the human body uses a sort of negative database the immune system knows everything that is part of the body and therefore self and therefore everything that is not self should be destroyed.

From one weird concept to another last night I watched 911 loose change which is a documentary presenting an alternative version of the events of 911. When looked at in a different light there are a number of things that are very strange, especially surrounding the collision with the Pentagon and the missing gold from under the trade centre. I would definatly recommend a viewing.

The Eraser

My parents were away so it was kind of strang arriving home fromthe gym last night to an empty house, my catr kept my busy though he was in and out and pining for my mum who usually looks after him. He also woke me up at 4am this morning which didnt put me into the best of moods.

Bruce popped over last night we were going to watch a film but he brought the wrong hard drive round so instead we ended up a the pub with Nick and Becky. This wasnt all too bad really Becky was tormenting Nick as usual and looking forward to their upcoming Moldive holiday.

Arctic Monkeys won the mercury music prize a fact which galls me slightly I thought it was time Thom got some recognition form the judges, FFS Roni size was given the award the year OK Computer was up what a traversty.

Life Long learning

Had a crap day today things seem to be going round in circles at work, this evening though Phil and I went to sign up for some adult education. The last couple of years have been the first time in my life I havent been activly learning anything and I have always wanted to learn a langauge. Phil has become obsessed with Japan thanks to his addiction to Akido and as I thought it would be more fun to go to a class with someone I know rather than on my own I found myself signing up to Beginning Japanese. Starts next tuesday, the little Japanese girl that will be the teacher seemed to be nice enough so hopefully it wont be like the terrible langauge lessons I had at school which totally turned me off French and German.

Live tonight at the Retro Bar

Manged to make it to the gym yesterday hough it my have been a mistak im aching again today, I also drank too much again last night when will I learn!
Phil and I went out to Retro Bar in Manchester to listen to some band of whom the bass player was a student of Bergers, in fact a lot of people there seem to be students of bergers. I dont know what the band was called they were pretty good thought in fact there were at least 3 good bands hoever the last one were so awful phil and I walked out our ears needed peace.
It was only 10pm so but we didnt feel like going anywhere else in Manchester and headed for home stoppping at the unicorn for a few more beers (for myself Phils was driving). Julie has bought herself a new car and she was really excited telling us about it.

Jet 2

Wow coke have a promotion get a free itunes song on 2 litre bottles of coke (which my dad and I drink like its going out of fashion) hurrah! They were on offer as well double hurrah.
After feeling sorry for myself most of yesterday playing counter strike and reading the latest economist I was feeling well enough to go out for a couple of drinks with Becky Nick and Ian. Ian had recovered better than me and was in fine spirits, we sat in the rectory beer garden slowly freezing in order to check out the women much to Becky's chagrin. I do of course remember her from her pre Nick days in her more provocative dressing. The upstairs bit of the Rectory was closed off because they were having a corporate event for Jet 2, one of the barmaids (the cute polish one) made a tie out of the immense receipt.
Bruce and Phil joined us as well for drinks chat and fun I had a few drinks but managed not to disgrace myself which is a bonus. I think Ill go to the gym in a couple of hours but first I am going to read a few more chapters of War and peace, its really hard going at the moment lots of description of battles and military goings on, personally I feel Tolstoy is better at working with characters rather than discussing historical events however its good stuff just dense.

The one with the riot

The rain hammering on my rooftop woke me up this morning, the sound was matched by the hammering in my head. Last night was a strange evening and as usual my response we to drink too much, oh well.
It all started nicely enough, I had done an early morning at work to roll out a software release (the most successful this year I think). I got my papers from Smok travel for my visa, so I went to the post office to get it all sent off. It actully was quiet annoying you can only pay for a visa by postal order I didnt realise you can only pay for postal orders with cash, not cards so I had waited in a queue for 20 minutes only to have to leave the postoffice get cash return to the post ofice queue again :S
A quick gym soon soothed the tension away though, I did a cardio session I was a little achy from the weights I did last night so it was hard going but I managd an hour on various machines.
Berger decided to drive, he picked up myself, Ian and Phil at 8. We headed to the John Millington in Cheadle Hulme for a few warm up beers, sitting outside in the darkening evening we chattered about life caught up on things. Generally though we avoided talking about Faye, I told everyone about my experience in arranging a visa to get the Republic of Belarus. We had a few drinks a few laugh but the crowd in the Millington was older and we needed a change so we headed out to Withington.
This was where the night suddenly started to go dark so times in life you turn a corner metaphorically suddenly finding things change last night we drove round a corner into the middle of a riot. I don't know why they were fighting but I watched a tall guy throw a teen on the floor and start pummelling him. Other guys and girls wee fighting and pushing it was horrible. We all jumped out of the car and tried to break it up. The older lads saw us and jumped back into the car Ian called the police. The police fortunately were at the scene quickly. Unfortunately one of the protagonists mistook me for a guy who had attacked him his head was bleeding and I don't think he really knew what was going on. So my shirt got covered in someone else blood, really nice.
Fortunately Berger had a spare in his car, it was a bit big on me because Jo is so much taller. Next stop was Withington we drank some more stood outside Dave and Clare rolled up we chatted to them I got quit drunk and morose I don't know if it was the fighting or the place. I don't know what time it was but we left went and got a kebab (oops what happened to the diet) and some more beer from Tesco. Berger dropped us of at my house where we ate and drank some more. Phil and Jo left Ian stayed telling me all bout the Faye situation it was horrible there wasn't much I could say and I was so drunk. I think he just wanted to get some of it out there, I can&pos;t believe either she or people like Phil P could be so deceitful.

Long Weekend

This morning I was in London hung over wondering how much a fool of myself I made last night. Now I am back in my own home enjoying a cold beer I feel much better. It has been a strange weekend, after a rather harsh day at work on Friday (harsh week to be honest but that's another story) I headed out on the M6 south. Through torrential rain hard enough that I could barely see the road, two sets of 50 mph speed limits (I should have taken the toll road and did on the way back). I arrived at Paul's about 10 and we went out for a few drinks at the star and garter. The conversation was mainly focussed on catching up with our various goings on I complement Paul on his new song Its Over Now he told me about Ian, Dan and his life. I told him what was going on with me we had a few drinks, Pippa stayed at the flat. I thought it was really nice gesture letting us catch up with each others goings on.

On Saturday my first job was to help Paul sort his lights out; At some point there had been a wasp nest in his attic, some of the wasps got trapped in the light fittings (those flush fitted spots) so that when you pull out a bulb to put in a new light several dead carbonized wasp bodies fallout. Paul being a wuss he has let virtually all of the bulbs in the flat died before doing anything about it. I don't like wasps very much but when they are dead its ok so I pulled all the bulbs out and vacuumed out the bodies. This done we went out on a mission to buy some new bulbs. Whilst out we spent the time shopping browsing Fopp and various video game shops, Paul and Pippa have bought a Nintendo game cube that seems to have become something of an obsession to Paul.

The plan for Saturday night was meant to be; watch the 'X-Factor'; and ';How do you solve a problem like Maria' TV shows then go out for some drinks. Paul made us a lovely Thai curry for dinner whilst Pippa and I watched TV. After the shows though we kind of acquiesced and started watching Twin Peaks. Pippa seemed to go suddenly withdrawn then got upset, I think homesickness perhaps, it got quiet dark so she went to bed, Paul and I watched Muse and a few other acts from the Reading / Leeds festival.

Next morning Pippa still seemed withdrawn she got angry at Paul because he was playing computer games and ignoring her. I felt terribly awkward I didn't know what to do or say. Fortunately, the promise of going home cheered her up.

I drove to Pippas house in London, it wasn't actually too bad to get too, the house was gorgeous. Pippa visibly cheered up on arriving home, she happily gave me a tour, I was very impressed.

Paul and I went to the pub for an early drink and chat. The plan was for Pippa and her friend Lenia to meet us there later. We drank chatted drank some more. Pippa and Lenia arrived and we went to another pub to play pool, though we never actually made is to a pool hall. On the way one of the girls needed a bathroom break so we stoped off at a bar, decided to have one drink then ended up staying there. Paul and I carried on drinking I suggested we stoop Paul agreed, then went and bought another round!

After a couple of rounds in the bar another of Pippa's friends, Katie and some lads joined us. One of whom seemed a cool guy the other I could quiet happily have beaten to a bloody pulp. Unfortunately, in my usual style I carried on drinking like a trooper too fast too much and without dinner a recipe for disaster I held it together until we went back to Pippa's at about 11 (I had been drinking since 5 with the first Leffe at Pippa's house). I was ok for a few minutes then I realised how much more drunk than everyone else I was. This was not good Paul had retired to bed too drunk to go on. I felt out of place not being great with new people when sober never mind when off my face I tried my best then bombed out.

I woke up this morning at 7am with my head pounding, mouth dry and foul tasting, stewing in a borrowed sleeping bag. Added to all this was a feeling of total embarrassment. I lay there for a couple of hours longer until Paul woke me. In complete contrast to Sunday morning Pippa was dancing round the house happy and light I felt like I wanted to die, forced down breakfast jumped in the car and drove to Leamington. Paul and I had a good chat in the car I felt much better on the road with the aircon cooling me down and breakfast soaking up the beer.

Back at Paul's we played enough Simpson's to complete a load more missions had dinner then I headed for home. All in all a great weekend, I need my own place, the freedom, and the ability to omit to tell people that I live with my parents would be wonderful.

My god what a genius film the weatherman, I have been watching it whilst typing out this post and chatting to Phil on msn. I can empathise so closely with Nicolas Cage's character, the feeling of not living up to my dad, of being a fuckup. Mind you I wish had his success. Haha I always want more!

Another Day

Work has been hell recently truly I have never been hit for so many things all priorities at once, somehow though I am acheiving less than ever before all the jobs are more tricky beyond my abilities or am so demotivated I can no longer perform or in the past things were too easy. I am not sure the true answers I just know how I eel and at the moment that is not good. I am starting to become the person I always wanted to avoid work focussed manic with no real life; people ask me what I have been doing and aside rom work and trips to the pub what is that exactly?
Suprisingly tonight I went for a few drinks with B and P and Endo it was nice even had a completly civil chat with Julie shes buying a Puma.
I am about two thirds through war and peace now its getting really interesting Napolean is invading Russian making the same mistake as Alexander the Great (and Hitler) charging into Russian in the winter. bad move.
I still hve no idea about what to do about my holidays I havent even been away this year I am wasting my life away working for others and getting no benifit why? why?
This weekend I am going to see Paul something always fun (unless he is in the process of splitting up with his girlfriend) hopefully that will make me feel better about things. I need some fun I think to break away from the mundain.

Fell on Black Days

Last night went out with Nick Becs and Bruce, we popped to the Thieves for a few quiet drinks Bruce was telling me about his Saturday meet-up with the guys he used to work with and how well Big Matt is doing. He is thinking of going contracting because it seems that's where the money is.
Becs was looking a bit tired apparently her doctor told her to take a week off will hopefully that will sort her out.
Nick was alluding to some problems with Ian and Faye but he wouldn't give a straight answer maybe because Bruce was here or maybe because Becs was or me who knows. Nick was in a good mood I guess his manoeuvring around houses is all working out good luck to him.
The product of me talking to my boss about my dad came off today My dad met Martin in Wilmslow today and we all had a drink together afterwards. Felt very strange I am still not 100% I have done the right thing. Especially weird was sitting in the Rectory with Dad Martin David and Steve.
Called Paul to catch up with him this evening wanted to ask him about my whole trip disaster but it didn':t happen I guess that is one mess for me to work out on my own.
Swapping songs tonight (please don&pos;t sue me bpi i bought two albums today) I sent Phil Fell on Black days he sent me FEAR - Ian Brown it turns out we both already own these songs so no point.
I am now just over half way through War and Peace so far its a very rewarding book the characters are so vivid I want to know what happens next and mad though it is I want to see Russia. I must be mad.

Drunk Machine

My 3 copies of Thom Yorks Harrowdown Hil arrived today, my dad was amazed anyone still pressed vinal.
Made a journel to the trafford centre a complete mistake on a arainy summer day it was so busy we ended up parking in costco (and had a decent lunch for £2). We (Myself Phil and Bruce) went to look round the apple store, it was my first time I have been to the one in London (which is far superior) but this was pretty cool lots of nice macs. When I got home I played some Counter Srike trying to imporve my skill from zero to hero so far more zero but who knows.
This evening watched some old fimls again on sky with Phil whislt downing plently of bottle of beer. We watched Batman returns a classic in my opinion Tim Burton is just such a good director. Also watched Sin City, wow can anyone even come close to the sheer cinematic mastery of that film, the use of light and colour is just genius. The acting is sumblime a truly brillent film.
I have been feeling particuarly alone recently Phil has been out with Mercades, Bruce with Nina, Ians working Paul is in London and Nick is working on his houses. I get the feeling I should be out seeing the world. Tthat omehow my world is getting smaller. Strange Strange :S

EB the furture

After another torrid day at work I was feeling pretty tired but I managed to make it to the gym and work out some of my frustrations. I just about managed a run 7km in 50 minutes not great but not bad (for me).

Met up with Bruce and Berger in the Hesketh Cheadle Hulme. For a while we have been talking about building up the Lan events a bit more so we finally sat down and made up a couple of plans. The consensus was that we could do a larger event maybe up to 50 people but we need first to try and find a new venue and to update our rather creaky website. Bruce is going to have a look at updating the website and we are all going to look for new venues.

I think we might go on a reconnaissance mission to see if we can get any tips from some of the other bigger lan's going on.

Wrong size hole

Finally got the go ahead to pick the we bought off ebay up, two immediate problems the disks are too big stupid tall ones they wont fit in a 1u bay :-S but worse than that we need a special cable as x330s apparently dont have mouse, keyboard or video except using IBMs special cable a quick look shows the cable cost more than the server just for a stupid bit of cable which breaks out the vga, keyboard and mouse :S
Its all very frustrating I am sure eventually I will find way around it but for now the server is sat usless under my desk.