I am

I have been putting off doing a cardio session at the gym for over a week and I nearly did so again today. Something about the number of pancakes I knew I would eat this evening convinced me that I should really get myself into gear. I managed about 8KM in 55 minutes, which is OK but not great I definitely need to work more on stamina, I think my 10km target is in reach though.

Dan called me today, he was pretty excited, inspired by this blog he has decided to give blogging a try himself. I hope he finds it as pleasurable experience as I have. He is also trying to arrange a gathering on Saturday, which promises to be a good laugh, thought the plans are a little fluid at present.

Its my mums birthday this weekend I am a little unsure what to get her, I was going to order some flowers and take her shopping for clothes. I am not sure I would manage to buy anything decent on my own.

I went for a drink with Bruce this evening, his house purchase seems to be proceeding smoothly. There are a few issues arranging documents and such like he seemed a bit stressed with the signature process for his mortgage. Its actually not as strict as the one for work so he should count himself lucky! We had a relaxed drink in the Hesketh which I must say I really enjoy these days it has a very relaxed and comfortable feel these days.

Citizen Erased

Some days are just harsh and today was one of them. I should not complain too much thouhgt it was mostly my fault.

I went round to Martins last night to see how he was getting on after his op. He seems to be getting better, he looked tired, finding it hard to sleep with his arm tied up, and laid out on his back. He was in good spirits though feels everything went well and his arm is already healing. Its king of weird in fact because the surgery was keyhole there are only a few small marks to show for all of the work. Apparently he was under for two hours.

I got home just after 11 but for some reason I couldn't sleep. I kept waking every through hours. So I felt tired as hell this morning. My head felt like it was full of cotton wool, so I found thought even more difficult than normal.

Somehow I managed to get through the day, though it was far from my most triumphant. Several of the planned changes I made failed on live even though they passed QA on test. I even had to go and spend some time out on the floor, it made me realise just how little I have in common with the sales people sat out there. In fact I was very uncomfortable, users never like the system even though they would like paper a lot less (and e less productive).

Apres moi

Regina was on the Culture show last night, she played out the show on her piano, it was very beautiful much different to the concert.

I stayed in and watched TV and read my book, I was just so hung over all day. Philip and Bruce popped round with the latest editions of Lost, there has been such a long break since the last ones I has to remind myself what was going on. The first episode was great, the second was about Desmond it was a bit out of left field and as yet hasn't really added much to the story. I am keen for more about the others, and really Charley is annoying the hell out of me.

We also watched the film Carry. Phil had never seen it before, its a very good film based on the Steven King novel. Its quiet unusual for a horror as well virtually the entire film is a build up to the final chilling action. It also has a rather horrific conclusion with nobody saved no Hollywood cheer.

Regina was on the Culture show last night, she played out the show on her piano, it was very beautiful much different to the concert.

I stayed in and watched TV and read my book, I was just so hung over all day. Philip and Bruce popped round with the latest editions of Lost, there has been such a long break since the last ones I has to remind myself what was going on. The first episode was great, the second was about Desmond it was a bit out of left field and as yet hasn't really added much to the story. I am keen for more about the others, and really Charley is annoying the hell out of me.

We also watched the film Carry. Phil had never seen it before, its a very good film based on the Steven King novel. Its quiet unusual for a horror as well virtually hte entire film is a build up to the final chilling action. It also has a rather horrific conclusion with nobody saved no Hollywood cheer.

Broken Boy Soilders

For some reasons these days I seem to get the most terrible hangovers, well the reason is I drink too much. Maybe its part of ageing, my liver just cannot cope any more perhaps?

The reason for my extreme hangover (apart from the obvious excess alcohol consumption) was that I had been to a party at Andy G's house last night. His girlfriend Emily is about to head back to Lond to complete her placement so what better excuse for a party

Ian drove down as he had a bad back and was taking rather strong painkillers. This gave me my opportunity to have a few drinks. I chatted to Emily, she has really blossomed her work seems to have given her a new confidence in herself, very pleasing to see. I had a chat to Ian and to Andy.

I had a rather long and weird chat to Will, he was telling me about the very interesting work he is involved with. It sounds like a very interesting project, though I was too drunk to really be able to understand it. I did managed to find a load of FFT projects that you can use with open source. I forget to ask him what he was programming it in.

I must admit I hardly knew anyone there so that propelled me to drink a lot more. There were two bit of weirdness, one good and one bad. The good was Andy putting on tapes of the old college project videos he made with Ian Dave Catherine and the others. Its was so funny to see them I haven't laughed so much in a while.

The not so good were two of the parties participants having an argument, which left the girl sat crying in the kitchen. I cant bear to see crying women it has a really negative on me. Unfortunately I had to recharge my beer which meant going into the kitchen, sigh. To be honest I should have left it I didn't need more beer but typically I never know my limits.

So I have very much suffered today but never mind it was an enjoyable night out a bit different from the norm.

Hotel Song

Tonight was the final ebb of Christmas for me, funny to say I realise. However I had bought Bruce, Phil Nina and myself tickets to see the rather wonderful singer Regina Spektor.

After visiting the Academy on Friday to the Guillemots on Friday I found out that Regina Spektor gig had been moved from Academy 2 to the larger Academy Proper. This meant there were extra tickets available and as Jo expressed an interest in coming I invited him. He wanted to come so I ordered tickets for himself and girlfriend Holly. Collection was at the venue, it transpired that on arrival we found collection consisted of a man standing out side. The conversation went as thus "Hi I ordered some tickets in the name of Cooke", "John Cooke?" asked the man, I replied yes and he handed them over, no security check. Next time I am going to ask for Smith!

After picking up the extra tickets and a short queue, myself Phil Jo and Holly positioned ourselves near the front. Bruce Nina, Lindsey and Sarah joined us shortly afterwards. We were well positioned, only about 10 meters from the stage. There was rather a long pause before the support act Only Son came on stage.

Singer Only Son has supported Regina every time I have seen her. I think that his act is pretty good. I like the I-pod supporting band trick, and he has a couple of stand out songs.

I got very busy about this time and the temperature was started to rise. There were some weird people in the crowd too. For example there was a Chinese girl reading a book in the middle of the crowd, I couldn't see which book it was but she was totally engrossed at least until Regina came on. There was also a very annoying guy wearing a fedora hat guy, and a really weird backpack sporting dude.

Unfortunately I think the heat and bustle were a bit much for Holly, her diminutive stature made it hard for her to see as well. Part way through Only Son Jo had to take her home, he made it to Levenshulme and back but the idiot bouncers would not let him back in, it was a real shame as it was a much better gig than the one he attended at the Lowery (though still not as good as the first time I saw her at Academy 3).

There was quiet a gap in between Only Son and Regina, in fact I was starting to get very restless. When she finally made an appearance it was totally worth the rate, she delivered a consummate performance. Played a variety of songs from her albums a typical eclectic mix. Overall it was an amazing performance, my favourite songs were US, Sampson and better. I thought the Country song was pretty funny though not really album quality, she is definitely an artist to see live her music really comes to life the extra vocal tweaks she adds are playful and engaging.

After the gig we were on a high. We decided to go for a Curry at la Quila, I was not really that hungry so I shared a sizzler with Phil. Had a chat and pint, it was a nice end to the evening.

Hope overture

Ah valentines day, Surprisingly enough another year in which I received exactly zero valentines cards. Oh well maybe next year eh :P I think Jo summed it up best with his "I only received one red letter this morning it said please pay £88.50 love EDF", genius mate ;)

I went to pick up my visa today, its not quiet as impressive a stamp as the Belarussian one but I am certainly very pleased to have it. et again there were Chinese people arguing with the counter staff. I have no idea what over as the discussion was all in Chinese. On the way out I also got leafleted by some guy protesting about some practise of the Chinese government. They weren't there on Friday morning.

Things were a little weird today at work, there have been doing some chopping and changing I might have to go spend some time with another colleague to learn a different system. In principle I like the idea how much I can realistically learn in one day is debatable though.

Made it to the gym this evening, in total contrast to Monday it was nearly empty tonight. There must have been some football on TV or something I guess. This evening passed like any other but a conversation with one of my friends made me thing about Australia. I was so much more impulsive there, my attitude was like Nikes logo just do it. I think the thing was I had limited time which forced me to do things. Whereas here I am king of putting it off, there is always tomorrow right? Here you think you have forever but its just an illusion. I suppose thats why I am keen to do crazy stuff like visit people from the internet in other countries, because if I don't do it now I probably never will.

The Idiot

I just started reading the Idiot a Russian novel (I am reading the English translation of course) by Fyodor Dostoevsky. It is an account of a simple man totally who through his through his selflessness and sincerity makes his way into Russian society. Like the novel Crime and Punishment, the Idiot is at first glance extremely verbose and descriptive. I started reading this evening and have made it to chapter 6, With it being a translation and a text written in the 19th Century, some of the language can be a little difficult to understand.

The book is relatively light and very much a pleasure to read. I like the way Dostoevsky writes, he is like the Tarantino of the literary world. There are constant meanderings, which serve more to define the characters that further the plot. For all the extra prose it is never boring to read, always adding something to the "world" of the novel. Not that I am an expert on literature of course, I only managed a B at GCSE and that is about as far as I got with writing until the day I started up this blog (and I am by NO means comparing myself to a master author).

Apparently Dostoevsky is considered by some to be the father of existentialism. I never really gave it any though but he certainly does devote a lot of his material to inwards examination especially of extreme states of mind. Given I recently ordered some books about philosophy in an effort to expand my mind, without realising that I have already been exposing myself to a form of the art. I guess it exposes a gap in my education or understanding.

Andy "chief" Gilmore has invited me to a party / gathering at his place. The excuse is to wish Emily a fond farewell before she heads back to the big smoke to continue her placement. I am very much looking forward to seeing them again the chief is always good fun and Emily is always great company.

I have been very much alone these last few days, I have given up trying to contact people, I kind of get the feeling my low mood and work priorities have annoyed people so rather than labour the point I am leaving a little time and doing some exercises to help improve my demeanour.

Dead Mans Shoes

I watched a film this evening, (it the post title) A psychological thriller about a man who takes revenge on the people who harmed his brother. He becomes the monsters they were in order to exact his revenge on them. It explores the nature of man, how basically when pushed we can turn into monsters capable of pretty much anything. As an only child I have never really had a very strong family instinct I cannot really imagine having that sort of bond with someone. I just have trouble imagining what could make me feel so strongly about anything. Despite my fiery temper I actually find it pretty hard to really feel about anything, I mostly feel nothing simple ambivalence to the world.

Maybe its all part of the modern malaise, people are individuals first and foremost. Rather than part of society these days, we seem to have forgotten community. Obsession with consumerism and keeping up with the Jones is the modern way. I think we have forgotten we won our rights to vote and change society by acting together.

I guess I have always had a pretty black and white view of how the world works but it doesn't seem to fit. I just dunno anymore, my views are too simple. I guess I need to update my point of view somewhat.

Mary

Had a day of nothing today, spent most of my time obsessing about moving out being my own man. Instead of furthering that dream I sat and played computer games. To be honest I did enjoy myself, after a busy week it was good to relax and not think about anything for a while.

This evening went to the comedy night with Bruce and Phil. It was a good laugh though we got totally picked on for looking like a quiz team apparently, I think its becuase we were basically the youngest gyuys in there. It was mostly couples. I had quiet a fun evening the comedians were good, and there place was full.

Guillemots

Bruce and I went to the Academy in Manchester this evening to see the Guillemots. I bought the tickets ages ago basically on the back of hearing there most famous songs "Trains to Brazil", "Annie Lets not Wait" and "Made up Love Song". I thought they would be a pretty different band to see live.

They were certainly different, announcing they had food poisoning in the first five minutes they played a very experimental set. I got the feeling they love to play and experiment which is cool, though I much preferred the bouncy songs to the melancholic solo (Amusingly during the solo the sound of people were talking louder than he was playing!) or the orgy's of experimentation. I have to hand it to them, they put different slants on their songs so the live act is definitely a different experience to listening to the cd.

The people in front of us enjoyed themselves, a couple of girls were dancing like lunatics, though from the way they were speaking it was clear they had indulged in a few drinks, we probably more than a few.

I am not sure if Bruce like it or not, I hope so. He made a couple of jokes, one song a new one called Big Dog, he thought was big cock, and in fact his lyrics fitted nearly as well...

I wasn't the only one with reservations a heck of a lot of people left before the end (the band did not come out for an encore either. I guess they weren't joking about feeling ill). I think its the most people I have ever seen walk out of a pay for gig.

Overall I am glad I went it was a different experience, and variety is always fun, still think Trains to Brazil is amazing.

Man on the moon

I have the day off today, went out earlier this morning in order to go to the Chinese embassy. I need a visa for my upcoming trip to Shanghai, and for Chinese visas you need to make an application in person at the Embassy. Fortunately they have an office in Manchester.

It was quiet weird walking in to the Embassy a women was arguing with the aide in Chinese. Thankfully I did not have to argue or even wait long, the aide gave my details a quick check and handed me a receipt. She told me to come back on Wednesday and pay then, result.

I spent the rest of the morning doing my VAT return, what a pain took me an hour and I only ended up owning £8.05, sigh. Thankfully I have a piece of software called Myob which helps loads in producing all the figures, all I need to do is keep it updated.

Hablo Español!

My Mexican net friend is hosting a university radio show tomorrow about 3pm (Mexican time) I promised to link to her so,http://frecuenciatec.mty.itesm.mx. She is always interesting to chat to in English as for Spanish I have no idea but if you fluent might be fun to listen.

Killer Cars

I did not have the energy to blog last night, if I had I would simply have written my weekly Japanese was hard post. In truth I am still really shattered from the weekend and its so cold and oppressive at the moment

"Going out for a little drive and it could be the last time you see me alive", could have been my theme tune this morning. I defrosted my car, not very well dumped a load of hot water over the top, unfortunately it was so cold that I only got quarter of a mile before the damn thing refroze over I couldn't see a thing an had to drive for a few moments with only about 5percent visibility until I could find somewhere to stop.

Apparently it will be a very cold night tonight, talking of cold I think Paul and Ian must be annoyed with me. I know it was crap I did not "play out" this weekend, even though it totally was not my choice neither of them returned my calls recently.

I went to the gym tonight for the first time in over a week, I kind of went a little crazy and my body feels rather abused now. I still have not managed to get back to where I was before the Christmas break in terms of the weights, though my running is going well. I managed to beat me (quiet poor) best 5km time, did it in about 29 minutes. I was absolutely knackered but still managed a weight session afterwards. Perhaps a short break was not so bad after all.

I spoke to to ex girlfriends today, they both contacted me randomly, in either case I have no real idea what the purpose was, perhaps they just wanted to make sure I am not doing better than them?

Training aides

Found a really cool website you can draw on a map to work out how far / fast you have run http://www.mapmyrun.com

People are strange

Today has been a strange day for me, I actually received high praise for my work over the weekend which was very welcome but also pretty strange. It kind of shows that when all our effort is put into one project we can successfully complete it, promptly.

This evening I went for a quiet drink with Bruce at the Thieves, on the walk there we noticed a man stood at the side of the graveyard taking photographs of the church (or the graves we weren't sure). Given it was actually freezing we thought it was a rather odd thing to be doing. Bruce and I were just leaving the pub when a random women approached me and asked if my surname was Cooke. She told me she knows my dad from way back when he was a child, and my grandparents, the ones I never met. It was a rather surreal conversation and ended rather abruptly when I told her I still lived with my parents and never got to meet my grandparents on my fathers side. She told me he probably would not remember her and left without telling me her name. It all made for a very surreal evening.

Bruce and I had been having a quiet drink and chat about his search for a house. It looks like he has been gazzumped on his uncles place so he is looking around at some other properties. Current favorite is one in Cheadle. He was pretty upset at all the money needed to pay for other things, surveys, legal fees, and lender fees amongst others totaling somewhere around £5000. Its an expensive business this home buying that is for sure.

Which Superehero are you?

Your results:
You are Hulk
You are a wanderer with
amazing strength.

Hulk		65%
Spider-Man		65%
Robin		62%
Superman		60%
Iron Man		55%
Green Lantern		55%
The Flash		55%
Catwoman		45%
Supergirl		40%
Batman		40%
Wonder Woman		20%

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I am not entirely sure how I ended up being 20% Wonder Women, I definitely said no to the push up bra question.

For all the cows

Was interesting waking up this morning, I had two rather weird text messages sorry cant make the contents public. Contrary to message two sentiment I did not make it to Leamington, it was very upsetting for me but I have spent the majority of the weekend at work creating new mortgage screens.

Despite having worked yesterday everything I did needed to be changed despite it matching the brief the brief didn't match peoples ideas. I spent about 2 hours reworking to the new plan, and another couple of hours adding new features. Then I had to do the testing. I had to put up with a horrible anally retentive call center nobody, and a rather annoying call center manager. They apparently has to fight off girls with a stick, Jesus he is so fucking ugly in manor and tone are women so simple? Surely not, its bad enough I get asked to go dancing with my friends girlfriend, but being dissed by a call center pleb was nearly enough to bring on he red mist. Especially after two day super hard graft. I did have one new experience today,I had my first ever KFC meal. The IT managers girlfriend bought it for us which was pretty good to be honest I was getting hungry. However no exercise and a KFC I a on a dark path :(

I drank two bottles of Belgium beer tonight so my head is mashed. I also watched a film called the children of men about a future with no babies, its quiet scary guessing what England maybe. I hope it doesnt come to that, I would like to have some kids one day, if I find the right partner.

Oh Yeah

Some days things just don't go to plan, and unfortunately today was one of them. Everything started as usual I got up went to work, spent the morning working on a project to optimise some programs. At lunch time I came home and ate lunch with my parents, I got back to work on time at 1.30 then the bomb dropped, the big boss man at the customer had decided some work needed to be ready for Monday. The first I had heard of this work was yesterday when I was asked for a vague time estimate on producing a cu t down mortgage application, I had suggested it would take two days. That gave me less than half a day to complete the work, and get it tested, impossible.

After speaking to my boss I was persuaded that I was the only member of the team available (there is also another software roll-out at another customer happening on Monday). All this work related nonsense means I had to cancel my trip out with the boys, Paul sounded particularly annoyed with me. I find it hard to balance my career and social life. As Paul said I am not a director but if I had not have agreed one of my colleagues would have had to do the job, and I know they would not have thanked me for it as I would not I the position were reversed.

Its hard trying to make your way in this world nobody can tell you what the best thing to do is. I am trying to make a career; the problem is I am not sure if I am a model employee worthy or a promotion / pay rise. Or am I just another part of the machine downtrodden and ignored. All I know is all I have is my own efforts, there is nobody to bail me out, I cannot afford to take a big gamble and lose.

Anyway's, I hope everyone has a good weekend, albeit one without me joining in the fun. My weekend will be spent designing screens. I did manage to go to the gym tonight but have ruined the good intentions somewhat by starting back up on the beer. There were some cans in the fridge left over from the pre Christmas party at Jo's. It has been a month since I last had a drink and all the time they were sat in the fridge begging to be consumed.

Annie

My blogs have been a bit dull recently, I am afraid I think this is a by-product of me cutting back for January and staying tee total. However January is now over so I can have a beer again. more good news is that the trip down to Paul's is definitely on. So this weekend should be great llaugh as, myself Woller Ian and Paul out in Royal Leamington Spa :)

Upgraded the mono engine at work this morning, it went pretty well which was very lucky really its needed for a new project.

Managed 30 minutes running at 10km/h which I thought was pretty impressive for me, I was totally knackered on the cooldown I nearly walked straight out of the gym. I have meant to do a weights session but my arm is still bruised from donating blood.

I found out that on Firefox for Linux and Mac you can type define:word into the address box and it does a dictionary lookup rather than a websearch very clever. I also managed finally to get British English dictionaries on so no more red wavy lines under colour ;)

I spent this evening tussling with Ian' smartphone. It is a Sony P910, the same model as some the guys at work have, we managed to get Imap email working and with a bit of messing about I even made the sync software play ball. Its actually quiet a feature rich phone, though I don't really like the flip bit I certainly thinks it one of the best smart phones at least until the Apple i-phone comes out.

Entropy

Had the most difficult Japanese class this evening basically had to write ask and understand only in Japanese a list of 25 things from radio to chocolate. It was very confusing. I spoke to some of the others they also found it difficult, so at least I wasn't. I think that Emi, our teacher likes to keep think moving at a fair pace. I think her expectation we will pick things up or give up.

After class I had the pleasure of meeting Nick and Mike for a drink. I stuck to diet coke, its still January after all. It was good to see Mike it has been a while. Ever since he became a father I have seen him only infrequently so it is always quiet fun having a chat. Nick was tired as usual, he has been having trouble with his lettings one of them caught fire after a tenet feel asleep holding a lit cigarette.

Higher than reason

I spend a lot of time contemplating things, probably far more than is healthy to be honest. I have always found thinking easier than action, unless the action is to think of course. A lad at work was talking about houses today, it came up after I stumbled upon then 1000 / month article. He travels everyday from St Helens. He is in a similar situation to me commuting to Accrington in my previous job. He is looking to buy somewhere closer which is cool trouble is he is 3 years younger. I guess it makes me feel a little left behind. Stupid I know life is only ever a race against oneself not others.

I need to take some action stop being a stay at home boring nothing, I have hardly done anything this month. Though to be honest, I seem to have timed it so all my big bill hit in January not the best planning ever. I will have to raid some of my savings accounts in order to pay for everything. I guess on the positive side at least I have savings, rather than having to get into debt.

I have now been alcohol free for nearly a month to be honest I am looking forward to having a drink soon! I would have saved money except I spent it on Amazon buying books to try to learn about web services. Unfortunately, they mostly sit on my shelf unread. I only ever really use them for reference I am falling into my dads trap.

I managed to have a bit of a chat to Lulu today; she is still addicted to World of Warcraft and prison break! Oh someone asked my why she is called Lulu its not a very Chinese name and you would be right it isn't as I understand its an anglicised name as the Chinese doesn't go into English very well (hope that is correct ;)

Why I'll never own a house

A BBC Story reports that house prices will rise by an average of £1000 per month during 2007. Thats way more than I can save and already the prices are out of reach.

Facebookage

After having a long boring chat with one of my clients about how their website wasn't working and that I should refund them for months despite the fact they never bothered to mention it I was feeling slightly annoyed. So I decided to do some shameless self publication and set up a profile on Facebook. It is another of the (in)famous Web 2.0 sites with plenty of community content primarily focussed on University/ College graduates creating groups of friend for people from the same University or area. Its a lot more slickly designed than myspace I especially liked the fact you can embed the rss feed from other blogs rather than being forced to use the Facebook one. So far i only have a few friends so if there are any other Facebook users reading this please feel free to add me.

I had basically a geeky day in fact apart from going for a swim (for the first time in months) I mostly spent the day upgrading SuSE on my works laptop 10.2 is great it even does the power management properly (provided I add a few extra modules to the autoload). I also tried to get the new server up and running but it still refuses to boot, I think its cursed to be honest.

Someone took it upon themselves to give me a major dressing down for living at home, and not being married yet. It was quiet depressing and they had a point but what am I meant to do, I can't really see a point in moving out to a really crap area where I would have a constant struggle affording to live. As for the lack of relationships I am working on it, just I haven't been able to meet the right person yet.

Fussy Fish

My fish have turned into gourmets; a few weeks ago, I bought the more expensive food because the cheap one was out of stock. After consuming it, the Oscars are refusing to eat the cheap variety. It is going to end up costing me twice as much to feed them now, and I wasted £13 buying a tub of the cheap food. I find it raterh funny how the fish have personality. I mean not the same way as humans do, but still they have individual characteristics.

I stayed in and watched a film with Bruce and Phil this evening. Called Severance the film was a cheap British slasher. Focusing on a group of weapons company employees on a team building retreat in Eastern Europe. It was quiet entertaining shot in a post-modern ironic style lampooning some of the horror conventions whilst keeping a certain level of tension. I especially liked the Russian chicks with guns scene after the British person could not work out how to fire a rifle.

Endgame

Listening to a song [endgame] Jo gave me apparently its one of his friends songs I quite like it. The sone is an ambient electronic track with a female singer, its a little overlong but otherwise quiet a pleasent song.

Today I have had two meals out :) bad me, I gave blood good me and I sorted out some bits and bobs for Ian.

The first meal out was lunch with my dad and my great auntie, since my great uncle died my dad often goes round to see her she was in a fine mood today having a joke about Harold Shipman of all things.

After work I went to a blood drive at the parish hall, I missed my last session as it was timed to be the night of Sandbox's last gig. It was quiet; the quietest I have ever been too, the nurse told me the earlier session had been manic though. The donation went ok though the nurse bruised my arm a little. When I went for a cup of tea afterwards one women's arm started bleeding badly, the nurses rushed into action and it was soon sorted out but was scary for a moment.

For dinner I went out with my parents and my mums friend Kath to the La Quila for a curry, as usual the food was excellent though the services was a little sub par. The waiter forgot some of our order and seemed to have selective hearing when I was asking for some water.

Ian bobbed round this evening; I only just beat him back from my meal. He wanted his website loaded onto his laptop (and my Apple) so that people coming to a show he was doing could view the site whilst getting a drink. Contrast, on Ian's laptop had to download and install a web-server to load serve his website whereas on the Apple on the Mac had to click one button to turn on web sharing and copy the files on. I could not find a way to make safari go full screen though that was a bit of a blow.

The Apologist

Several notable things happened today, well to me at least. The first one was receiving a very random text from Dan. He is in Barcelona with Jen and wanted to know the location of Margarita Blue, hopefully he found it after I gave him directions from the net I couldn't really remember the names of the streets other than the Ramblas.

Continuing the randomness this evening I got back from the gym to find a message from a very anxious co worker, something was up with the subversion repository a quick check reviled another colleague had accidentally deleted part of the repository. It was fine on a version from 6 minutes earlier, I can only imagine his tool foo barred badly.

Finally, more annoying than weird, the server once again made it difficult for us to install our software. This time it looks like the CD drive has failed the damn thing is cursed I am sure!

Went for a drink with Nick and Becky at the thieves neck, I still stayed off the beer (but ruined it later by eating chocolates oops). Got a look at her Blackberry, I must admit the new model looks a lot better then the ones from my previous work. Though still on the big size it is functional and easy to read email, I still would not buy one though. I thought it is a little strange that she has a phone and a Blackberry; I guess contracts get in the way.

はい

Japanese class was the high point of today, so there is a bit of a Japanese title and theme to this post. First to work though, it complexly sucked today. I feel like I have become cut off like an island of my company in a sea of the client. Due to my close relationship witht he client and inexperience I have become somewhat shunned by my colleagues. They treat me as a kind of second class citizen as I ask too many questions, well I do not have years of experience to draw on I need professional development to learn the skills they possess. To the customer I am just a cheap resource to be exploited. So far my career development has been pretty thin, I was meant to work with other developers and learn instead I am on my own. I did for a while get a taste of working on newer things but surprisingly enough I was almost straight away put back onto the same old garbage.

Today I was forced to sit through a meeting with the big wigs and our competitor as usually I was a junior there. I just had to sit and shut up whilst the competition walked all over us, sigh. Fortunately they aren't half slick as they imagine or they would really be able to cause issues.

I am just about entering pre school for Japanese class, today were learned the equivalent for this, that and over there, found out that the Japanese don't use 'or', they say is this, is this. Its different, it actually allows us to put a lot more vocabulary to use now we can construct more sentences though. I am hopefully going to put some more time into learning Kana this week as I was pretty woefully bad looking up words.

I found out my Apple has a built in Japanese (and Chinese) virtual keyboard and character set making it much superior to windows. It the text on the header doesn't display is say HiI which is Japanese for yes.

Brrr

I spend an exorbitant amount at M&S today, I had to buy some new clothes for work my suits are starting to fray and most my shirts have been through the wash so many times there fading. I went a little mad I must admit but I hate shopping so much I just wanted to get enough that I can avoid it for another 6 months.

This evening I walked into the gym it was wet and cold did an hour and a half picking up heavy bits of metal then walked out to find myself in a picture postcard scene. Snow was falling and my car was already dusted with an inch of snow, I love snow it really pretty brightening up winter.

Bruce braved the inclement weather so we could look into an email problem, then go to the pub. I stuck to diet coke I still have managed to stay off beer so far this month, only 10 more days to go. I haven't lost any weight yet though, I really need to diet but its been very difficult with my parents always make so much food. To be honest it’s the worst thing about living with them, I have tried on several occasions to speak to them but its always the same old story they say one thing and do another, I find it incredibly frustrating.

Blunt force trauma!

I went to Didsbury this evening with Ian, Bruce and Bruce' friend Steven to see the new Rocky film. To be honest I did not have particularly high expectations, though I liked the original film I found the 4th and 5th sequels to be pushing it somewhat.

The first amusing thing about the evening was that whilst waiting for Ian in the foyer of the cinema I was able to survey the storm damage, the powers that be had forgotten to take down the Christmas decorations including one super-sized snowman. Said snowman is now laid across the front of the cinema the wind delivering a knock out punch.

Once Ian arrived we grabbed the tickets and made our way upstairs the cinema was rammed obviously Rocky appeals to the masses. Then the second funny thing, some guys were walking round dressed up as Rocky and Mr T, the Rocky guy even dank some raw eggs! Top class funny stuff I don't know if they were paid by the cinema or just some mad fans, they were entertaining though.

It was a very inspirational tale, continuing on after Adrian's death Rocky has little purpose in his life a son who cannot find his way out of his fathers shadow. After another anniversary of Adrian's death spent wondering old hunts and a chance meeting with Marie a character from the original he decides to get back into the ring. His application for a boxing licence coincides with a computerised match-up of Rocky (in his prime) against the current undefeated (but unloved) world champion.

OK the plot is thinner than Tesco value wafer thin ham. However its all inspirational stuff Rocky battles ageism prejudice and even has the media mocking in I guess a kind of self parody of the film concept itself. Also and not to ruin the film he doesn&39;t actually beat the champion and the fighting is pretty artfully done. I must admit I enjoyed myself and even managed to empathise with the characters. I do wonder what the point of the Marie character was she alone the impetus for Rocky to return to the one constant in his life? I am not sure Stallone (who wrote and directed) had a clear idea other than she was a mirror for Rocky, living a mixed up and unhappy life.

The atmosphere in the cinema during the film was high it reminded me of seeing the premier of Star Wars episode one, all the expectant fans clapping the opening shouting out. People whooping when the infamous training scene started, yes he really does run up the stairs again and yes it real is cool!

Video Mac

Bruce managed to get hold of an S-Video connector for my Mac, I just gave it a quick try. Oh dear why did I wait so long, it was unbelievably easy to set up ticking two boxes over-scan and optimise for video resulted in the best picture I have ever got out of my TV! Another example of the famous Apple it just works design, and on that fanboy note it must be time for bed before I embarrasses myself some more.

Skip Divided

I am finding blogging very difficult at the moment maybe its a result of me not drinking, or just of being in a low mood I am not sure, I keep thinking of things to say but have trouble getting the words onto the page and have given up more than a few times. My other projects are also in a state of flux.

The not drinking thing is leaving me with a lot of spare time in the evening I am really missing going out to the pub, and have managed to spend most of the money I have saved ordering stuff from Amazon to keep me occupied, only half a month left!

Japanese class is getting harder I think, Hiragana is quite a bit more difficult then Katakana thanks to the fact several of the characters are virtually identical except for a line or two. I had fun in class though Eme is a good teacher though she does tend to rush us through, perhaps one day I will make it out of Pre School!

I got a letter through asking me to donate blood, I was meant to just before Christmas but I really wasn't in the mood. I think I will go to this next one, it will my ninth donation. I think that means I have donated my own bodies worth of blood so far!

Whilst looking up my next working out men's health I that the average age to get married these days is 27. Looks like I am bucking the trend. Talking of marriage, I spoke to Maia today. She has had a falling out her new husband's mother, looks like they will have to find somewhere else to live. I would not want to start out married life on such a negative note, so I guess I should count myself lucky.

Annie, lets not wait

Well 15 days into 2007 so far I have had 0 alcohol units, that is not counting the continued drinking into new years day. I have done 16km on the running machine (over 2 sessions, I am not that fit, yet!). Work is even going OK I am getting through it slowly, I had a bit of a bad patch over the weekend but I am trying to be positive.

I went round to Nick's house last night, handed Becky her present she seemed to be pleased which is great. I had her and Nicks holiday pictures printed and put into an album, I was a little unsure if it was a good idea or not, but if she enjoy it that's all that matters. I think Nick was pleased to see them as well.

My legs ache this evening I was going to use the cross trainer but they were al in use in fact almost every runner all the cross trainers and most of the bikes were being used I had to wait a for minutes to get anything. I hate January for that so many people join up to the gym go mad come lots. I think people come to the gym too often don't see results quick enough or simply burn out in the first couple of months. By the end of February things are quiet again, and apart from a bit of extra activity before summer with people desperately trying to get fit for the beach, then again the month before Christmas party season.

In my experience losing weight and changing body shape isn't something that can be done overnight. Admittedly I have taken a long time over it, but that because I never dieted, I simply cut back a little on snacks and exercised more. Its taken years to drop the weight but at the same time I have more tone and am much fitter. Personally I would not trade these extra benefits for some quick weight loss which leave you body tired and emaciated. Prefer to have a bit of meat and tone it up, I guess your mileage may vary.

I might rework my previous post into something that's not quite so crazy I might not time will tell. I do not usually like censorship but in this case I went a little too far despite my openness on this forum there are still a lot of things I keep to myself I think this is one, for now at least.

Post withrawn

I decided my last post needs some more work so its gone for now.

So Here We Are

Last night went for a curry with my Dad and Martin. It was a treat from my dad for Martin after all the help he gave us with our heating. It was nice to catch up with him, randomly Phil's family walked in just as my dad was re-telling the Phil Chindaloo incident.

I slept in late this morning, felt a little wearisome, watched some TV then went to the gym for a jog. I managed 60 minutes on the treadmill just under 9KM (though I did have to slow down for the last 10 minutes). I seem to be fortunate in that my fitness hasn't dropped off given thanks to being ill this was my first session of the year.

This evening went out to Matt and Phreds for some food and jazz. I drove still being off the beer, somehow I ended up in a rather uncomfortable position next to Phil who seemed to be on a mission to get hammered and Jos friends who seemed to want to ignore my existence (until they wanted a lift back). I was seated opposite Holly and her lovely friend Liz which was a bonus. However due to a lack of Dutch courage and the volume of the jazz, it was hard to talk to anyone.

Bruce and Nina were annoyed at the fact they paid way too much for their share of the bill, someone clearly didn't put enough money in. We stayed until about 12.30ish then made a move. Jo asked if I would give one of his friends a lift home, I was hoping it was going to be Liz but it turned out to be the two guys who didn't want to speak to me. After waiting forever outside as one of them had to fix their tab we left. I was feeling short tempered and tired by now, amazing how beer helps me get through these sort of evenings.

Idiots rule

Saw a wonderful film tonight Idiocracy directed by Mike Judge he of Beavis and Butthead. Basically two average people from 2005 are frozen in a time capsule for a year expect they end up being frozen for 500. Waking up to a world which has devolved to the lowest common denominator.

The premise is that natural selection no longer works ads there are no predators and the ones breeding are at the bottom of society, so over several generations the IQ of the population has dramatically dropped. Commerce and tv all go for the lowest common denominator the corporations rule, water has been replaced by Gator-aid stupidity and base instincts rule. It was all very tongue in cheek but you can see the grain of truth in it. Worth a watching its a smart take on idiot culture and worth it for the parodies of Costco and Starbucks of the future.

In other news interest rates rose again today. Its the third time since August, in many ways as a saver this is great news for me savings rates have increased quiet nicely. It does make me twitchy though I could have taken a mortgage at a fixed rate already maybe I am missing out I hard to decided. I do know I want to get out the ladder though.

I haven't been to the gym once yet this year, I still feel ill, and I am putting it off because I know how crowded it will be. I do need to start training soon though I put on a few pounds over Christmas and I want to shed them and more before I jet to Shanghai, Lulu wants me to go with her to a hot spring so want to look half decent by then. I am still off beer though so hopefully that will help a little. Though we are all going out for a meal on Saturday to Matt and Phreds so I could definitely use some cardio work before that.

Feeling so real

Apple announced the iPhone today, see also BBC report. It looks amazing so much rolled into a rather svelte package, though I would love to know more about the technical spec's and 5 hours seems a pretty short battery duration. I guess I will have to wait a fair few months before they hit these shores. I have reservations about how revolutionary the device is Jobs made out it was a new paradigm in computing to me it looks like a rather good looking and snazzy smart phone. The stock market seems to have responded well the share were up 8% on the news, it rather shows how crazy the markets can be weighing into an already expensive company on the back of a product announcement, no product no sales as yet.

I was back at Japanese class tonight, it was a real struggle after the three week Christmas break. We did our first lesson on Hirigana the Japanese alphabet used for Japanese things, I found it very hard going especially as now the text is read top to bottom and from right to left! Our first exercise was copying out the major 46 characters, in Japanese writing its important how the characters are formed we need to learn the strokes. Its a little like being back in primary school endlessly copying out the Latin alphabet. I feel like I know a little now but at the current rate of progress its going ot be a long time before I am even at primary school level never mind conversational, at least its interesting learning.

I have even been talking to Ian about going for a trip there, we spent a day travelling back from Australia and promised we would go back. No Faye is off the scene and Zanshin seems to be doing well perhaps later in the year we could go see Tokyo, Osaka. Here is hoping.

If you have made it this far in my blog perhaps stop now what follows is somewhat of a rant I almost did not post it all, and I might decide to delete it later. However for now I am vexed so here goes.

Several things today made me realise I am a crap capitalist. For example I give money to charity, I find it hard to collect money that's owed to me, and I actually pay for things when I could have them for free. Well the last one is more about morality than about capitalism, I suppose I should try and externalise as much of the cost as possible.

Most people do not want to pay for software, myself included. I mean who can afford to pay £400 for MS Office? The majority of home users do not, they pirate it, even in the face of excellent alternatives like open office or neo office for mac. Regardless now I am a software developer I feel sorry for the small software developers. Especially the lone gunmen who basically have usually on product and are at the whims of customers who don't want to pay. Today my friend asked me if I could get something for free which would cost him $20, elaborating it turned out this would save him hundreds of pounds. It kind of pissed me off to be honest, surly the saving justifies the cost rather than stealing?

F.E.M.

I saw a pretty interesting site this evening, basically its a film marketed through the medium of myspace and the internet. It looked pretty cool (well at least the website / video podcasts I watched). Basically they made an indie film made in the style which blends the reality of the their relationship and art/life. The film examine the relationship between a couple just starting out. I was pretty impressed with the creativity even if they are a little self absorbed. Sorry my explanation is awful but I am feeling pretty tired check out the website below to make you own mind up.


Click here to see more episodes!

I tried to get on top of things at work today but unfortunately the harder I tried the further from the actual prize I seem to be. I am still feeling really tired and worn down by whatever bug I caught last week. Tomorrow is a long day as i have the first Japanese class of the new year, I have neglected practise over the Christmas break so its going to be a bit of a rude awakening I think.

I filled out my Chinese visa form tonight I just need to get Lulu real address or find a tourist company which will sponsor it. Should not be too much of a problem I hope. I went to one of those photo me places at lunch time it made a real criminal photograph of me, hope it will not count against my application.

How does it work

I was taking to Ian in the pub tonight though don't worry I am still keeping to my new year resolutions, coke for me all evening ;) We start having a discussion about the cost of insurance. I just renewed mine the weird thing was I have been with the AA for the last couple of years there renewed came in at £395 I decided to shop around, using a variety of internet using the excellent www.confused.com amongst others. I finally found a lower quote of £326 with peoples choice. Now so far that's normal right shopping around I find a better rate, but some things wrong both the AA and peoples choice are brokers they sell insurance policies from major insurers. Both the AA and people choice offered me the same policy from Alliance insurance, knowing this I went back to the AA but they could not or would not go any cheaper so next year I will have the same policy through a different broker.

This is much the same with loans recently I heard an interesting tale about how a market leading company make there money on their headline loans. They ill call them company A advertise a market leading low interest rate. How can they afford to be so cheap you might ask? Well actually its easy they money is not being made from that loan, in fact only a small proportion of the people applying will qualify under the rather strict lending criteria. What bank A will do however is bury a clause in the terms and conditions which allows the customers details to be passed onto a third party. The declines leads will be sold to a broker who will attempt to place these customers. Bank A will get a fee for these leads and a kickback for any loans sold to these customers, the bonus is the risk of lending and the work is passed to a third party. I think it is fascinating how the world of finance and insurance really works, money seems to move about in all sorts of interesting ways in order to spread out the risk and costs.

Ian was on good form this evening we had a good chat about life the universe and everything. We have been talking about taking a trip to Japan after summer its somewhere he wants to go and I would love to try out my Japanese for real.

I spoke to Maia today she seemed happy she sent me some photos of her in Italy, she is looking beautiful. I am pleased for her but I guess upset I cannot play a role in her happiness. Oh well that ship has sailed a long time ago time I should just let it drop its always my problem I find it hard to let go.

Welcome Home

Ttoday was spend preparing for then at Terminal Tournaments XII, Our semi regular lan gaming event. It was a really good day today the most people to date turned up having 20 people gaming was pretty good fun. Though I feel tired after having to set up, carry the gear around, keep things running, help on the bar and play games can be a little draining.

The new years healthy living went totally to pot today, there was far too much chocolate about, then pizza for dinner its all bad. Add to the my mum seem intent on feeding me. I stil have this foul cold it just dosnt seem to want to go, its really putting a stopper on going to the gym Some people advocate goign when it to "sweat it out" but it makes me feel worse doing that. WOuld rather wait until I am better plus the gym at the time of year is usually packed with people who will go religiously for a month then drop out between February and March.

I am rambling a little so I think I shoudl get to bed, I have to meet Becky for a chat about her Horse box hire website tomorrow. Plus I need to try and get my head round webservices so I do not look like too much of a joker next week.

Shanghai Nights

I think I might have lost my mind, this morning I bought my car insurance, then paid some other bills coming to around 600 in total. This after afternoon I went out for my second pub lunch of the week this time with Bruce as he has had the day off work. So where is the madness you ask?

Today has been a hard day trying hard to understand someone else work. Then when I was just about think about leaving receiving an unexpected and unwanted extra request pushed me over the edge. After struggling all day, after basically being left in the crap by another colleague, his current favourite habit is promising the earth leaving a half finished job for me to try and salvage.

I have been toying with the idea of visiting lulu my Chinese friend for some time so my late Christmas present is a flight to Shanghai. Weirdly the Cheapest flight I could find from Manchester is also the quickest there was nothing direct so I am going Finnair via Helsinki. Its is going to take 13 hours in total not something I am looking towards especially as I could not get much time off work (neither can she its the Chinese national holiday when I am there so I have to work around that). I am really excited about going I have never been to Asia before so it should be a really different experience. I guess its a little out of character for me to blow so much cash in one day but I really feel like I need something to look forward to work is really getting me down, only four days back and already I feel like I never left.

After booking I have spent a rather uninspiring evening preparing the game servers for tomorrows lan a few things are not as I want but it all works well enough to play on. Hopefully tomorrow should be a popular lan with most people saying they will attend.

Special thanks to Sarah for commenting the results of her personality quizz. I am still interested if anyone else fills out the questionnaire....

Living a Lie

Today I was confronted with a task of trying to learn something new. So far its completely eluded me I seem to spend ages getting nowhere. Being ill makes things worse its very hard to concentrate when I feel like crap sneezing and feeling awful.

Had lunch with my parents at the coach and four, it was very nice. I had my usual club sandwich which they now server with chips and vegetable crisps. I was so full after the sandwich I actually had to share the crisps and chips with my parents, yummy. Tomorrow I am going out for lunch with a friend, so though I have been drinking beer I haven't exactly lowered the calories much yet. Mind you doesn't the old say go feed a cold?

I saw a really interesting thing on the fool. It is basically an article about what sort of temperament you have for investing. In the piece are links to a personality type questionnaire using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. According to the I am and ISTJ - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging. I guess its a fairly decent approximation of some of my character traits, indeed one of the recommended careers is computer programmer. If anyone else has a go I would Love to hear some comments / emails on how well other people profile.

Lazy ways to influence politics

I found a rather interesting website http://petitions.pm.gov.uk, which is a petitions website for number 10. I don't know if Tony Blair cares much but perhaps a few thousand signatures on a petition might help out? You can choose other people petitions of create your own.

Personally I signed a couple including a petition to Scrap the introduction of ID cards and No to software patents.

It Ain't Easy

Life

Work was very difficult today, I found it incredibly hard to concentrate I am not on top form at all. I suppose I should have taken a day off but I don't want to be seen as a new year shirker.

I had to reinstall my dads laptop this evening he has been complaining to my colleagues and they passed the message on. This is what it is like to work at the same company as him, sigh. I think I put everything he needs on for the time being I neglected to install Visual Studio as it takes so long, and I need to do so myself tomorrow.

I am going out for lunch with my parents tomorrow my mum is on holiday this weekend dad only work Mon - Wed so we thought it would be a nice treat. I cant wait for my club sandwich :)

Blogs

The weird thing about blogging is that whilst I love the fact that people read my thoughts, I am absolutely petrified someone from work is going to find it I am not sure I would ever hear the end of it. I am already something of an outcast not really being part of either organization not sure I could take more stick. An even worse thought it that my parents would stumble across it, if they did I would almost certainly not feel the freedom to write what I do. Recently I have seriously considered giving this up and either writing anonymously or working on something else. Though at the moment I don't have anything else to work on so I am going to continue.

Random

I have been speaking on and off to a Russian girl recently she it quiet interesting in that she is basically completely idle and relies on her family and boyfriends (yes plural) for everything. She makes me seem self totally reliant! Its weird I am able to chat for hours to people on the net but I am unable to chat for 5 minutes to a girl in a bar. On new years I tried to speak to the polka dot girl and felt totally lost for works when really I should have been able to string something together. I guess I have a mental issue in that think that I am boring and so no-one is interested in what I have to say. In reality I am beginning to believe that isn't the case, at least I hope not!

The Hardest Button to Button

Today was the first day back at work after the Christmas break. I felt terrible seem to have caught a cold from someone.

This evening I had no energy left just sat and stared at my computer, I attempted to help Bruce with some access. I am honestly amazed at how hard it can be to do something really simple in access. It seem to do decent you need to resort to hacking code as the tools struggle to offer even basic functions.

I did manage to find a neat solution to updating webalizer using xargs which was pretty useful. I created a file with all the domains in and ran the logresolve and webalizer programs for each using xargs. I think this is much better solution than the current file with an entry for each one.

There is still no sign of the switch we bought for the lan, I am doubtful we will receive it time for Saturday. Bruce thinks he might be able to borrow one if needs must.

I managed another day of not drinking alcohol there are 29 to go. Its been easy so far I don't much feel like drinking while I am ill. Just got to sort out the rest of my diet. I read an interesting piece on wired about improving cognitive ability through diet and sleep, on which note bed is calling.

Happy 2007!

Bet lots of blogs have the above title ;-)

Starting 2007 as I mean to go on I managed to go jogging before lunch, unfortunately for me the weather took a turn for the worse completely soaking me to the skin and making for a very unpleasant final mile. After last night though I am going to have to do a lot of jogging and try very hard to keep to my New Years resolutions.

New Years Eve

First things first view the pictures here. I got invited round for a meal round at Nick's house, Becky being the chief for the evening. I must say I was slightly worried when Nick told me she was the one cooking, I need not have though. The beef and vegetables was delightful, we all enjoyed it greatly. Ian, Phil, Nikkie and her friend James were also invited to the feast. Someone had set the table out wonderfully. Quite the little dinner party in fact!

After eating, and boy did we eat cheese, beef, roast potatoes and cake I was stuffed. However there was scant time to rest as a metro cab whisked us off to Wilmslow to continue the partying. As there were seven of us we needed two metro cabs I think we drew the short strew as the driver neither knew the way or n fact seemed to know how to drive properly. Fortunately for us it is only a short journey and we managed to arrive in one piece.

Inside the Finney things started getting hazy, my blood alcohol level was rising rapidly. There was lots of chatting, photos taken, jokes told and women ogled. Though I never did manage to pull the beautiful girl in the polka-dot dress though :-(
I think everyone had a good evening I know I enjoyed myself I even had a little bit of a dance (after drinking sambuka and vokda ;-) Hopefully 2007 will be a good year.

Resolutions

• No beer for January, made this one with Phil whilst in Barcelona should held with my second resolution.
• Reduce beer belly, I am 86 Kilos I think if I could get down to 80kg I would have a lot less of a pronounced beer belly so my aim is to be 80kg by next Xmas
• Stop social smoking recently the urge has over come me on several occasions it must stop.

Darwin Awards 2006

Ah the annual Darwin awards always make me smile.

Stuck in the middle

I felt like crap all day, mostly hung around the house playing counter strike. I did spent some time helping my dad work on his project but we didn't really get far. Sometimes I think he wans to fail, he just never seems to want to try anything always finding reasons it wont work rather than making it go. We got a couple of bits working but it need a lot more effort to get the whole deal sorted. I have not idea whether it will get any futher.

This evening I went for a quiet drink with Bruce and Phil. We went to the Unicorn, it was quiet and relaxed we talked about a few things had a couple of pints and came home. I tried to have a game of Counter Strike but a there were a load of idiots stacked on one team trying to improve their rank. Their act of all assigning onto one side unbalanced the game making the game unplayable for others.

I will never understand the rational of playing a game were the odds are so stacked in your favor losing is all but impossible, it just seems boring you need an element of competition to make it worthwhile. I guess some people just prefer to see their name at the top of a board rather than actually experiencing the actual play needed to get there.

Climbing up the walls

Not a lot has been happening in the last few days, yesterday I managed to get to the gym for an hour I doubt its really going to offset all the damage done by Christmas excess but I guess every little helps.

Last night I went out to Wilmslow with Paul and Ian, we headed to the Bollin Fee. Its not really a place I like these days and it was no exception. I felt like about 60% of the people could die and it would make the world a better place. I guess its pretty bad to feel that way but they are just arrogant ignorant idiots. Of course the fact they are able to score with chicks while I am single also raises my ire.

To be honest I left my house feeling tired and a little bit unhappy and after a few drinks I felt a lot more unhappy. Christmas is not a good time for singletons like myself. Happy couples seem to be everywhere laughing at me, I realise that is paranoia but it is still the way I feel. To be honest I should not have gone out I just went under felt very self conscious and out of place.

Still it was not a total blow out Ian had a perve, Paul had a dance and I got very drunk on red bull and vodka.

Today I felt in a daze, hangover are definitely getting worse or I am getting more soft or a combination of the two. I spent the morning, well what was left of the morning after getting up at 10.30; watching Pulp Fiction, its a film I love but haven't played in ages. The characters are just so real and the dialog is incredible. Such a great film, I think its probably my favorite film of all.

Shirk

I spent most of today trying to learn some thing new, yes its true I have become something I always despised. When not at work I have begun to seek out work like tasks to do in order to keep myself busy. Amazing it has only taken 2 years and I am completely conditioned to work. I heard the other day that people how carry on working are happier and live longer than those who give up. I wonder if it is an emotional thing (needing a job to feel useful) or a monetary one, the extra cash from a job helps to afford the things which keep you going? I guess a bit of both is true people are not totally motivated by any one thing, with people things are anything but clear cut.

My mum' friend came over she is obsessed by a neighbours cat she took care of for a month, its all she seems to want to talk about. I kept thinking there must be hundreds of rescue cats who need a homes.

This evening I was meant to go for a drink with Nick but true to form he changed his mind about 10pm, I ended up going to Jono's house for a cup of tea. In fairness to Nick his girlfriend Becky has had a bereavement in her family so she need plenty of tlc at the moment.

Had A moment of weirdness, well almost deja vu as I walked out of Jono&¢39;s house I could hear loud dance music coming from somewhere, I walked to the end of the road and it was coming from the Fairhurst' barn, how random made me thing of the old days. I wonder if the youngest sister has now reached the partying age?

I still have no idea what to do on new years eve, the latest plan is to go to the Bollin Fee, its in first place as its local cheap and should have a reasonable number of women for Ian to weasel on. Ali is going to the Braz but at £25 just for entry and then having to battle with the pretentious more money than brain cells lot doesn't really excite me. I mean an old guy I used to do some work for goes in there trying to pick up girls younger than me.

Just a shot away

Some night I feel a little like I am not actually quite there, I am with my friends I am sat talking and listening, yet I have this weird sensation I am not entirely part of the group. This feeling might have been due to the fact I am tired or that I wasn't drinking with the others so they were drunk to my sober.

Regardless tonight was one of those evenings for me. I went out with Paul, Pippa, Woller and Phil to the Kings Head in Cheadle Hulme. Paul and Pippa seemed to inhabit a separate world, mostly self-absorbed in a subtle subtext I could only loosely follow, Ian was obsessed with the women, Woller seemed tired and withdrawn and Phil was on a mission to be drunk.

The situation made me start thinking about an article a read recently, a psychologist suggested that our mind is like an actor on stage. To all the people watching the actor seems to live the role. The people behind the scenes are the ones really directing their actions. Perhaps I am not really in-control maybe my free will is really an illusion like the matrix, it only works when people believe they have a choice even if the choice is obscure.

Paul seems to think it would be a good idea for me to write a book. In truth I would love to, the idea of something with my name on sat in a bookstore would be incredible. I have enjoyed writing this blog even though the quality is pretty variable and [in its very nature] self obsessed it gives me pleasure to be able to release some of the ideas in my brain. The problem is I find it hard to keep onto on message. Anyone who has read a few of the blogs will posts I have written will have noticed a mix of feeling, comment, ideas, and dreams. The idea of focusing everything on one piece of text is somewhat scary, what if no one liked it? An even worse thought, what if I hated it?

Actually, I am being slight hard on my friends they were all in a good mood this evening, we had some good laughs mostly at each others expense. Ian did his best to chat up a rather beautiful young woman. We thought Ian was going great guns, if a little conservatively. After a little banter and a botched attempt to go over to further his mission the girl in question left. Silly girl!

I have a dilemma about new years eve I still have no plan, I have been invited to two house parties, one at Martins and one at Pippa's. I can say the idea of going to Martins house and watch him have fun with Charlotte and be boisterous has little appeal. Going to Pippas has merit, nights with Paul are always fun and Pippa is lovely. Unfortunately last time I went to her place I made a complete fool of myself. Getting far, far too drunk and generally not ingratiating myself with her friends, I am not entirely sure its the best way to go especially as I would have to make it back the next day from London and be in work on the 2nd.

How (Not) to treat a women

Phil sent me this link which I thought was kind of amusing.

Christmas Day Bordom

I found it very difficult to wake up this morning, I really did not need to last few drinks, I even remember at one point thinking about stopping even talking to Ian about it but I carried on regardless.

After a large coffee, some juice and toast I felt able enough to tackle my presents. Bruce and Phil bought me an I-Pod shuffle its really rather small and nice perfect for the gym. Becky had hand made a rather beautiful card. Paul got me a Rakes cd which is very good.

I spent today eating, Christmas lunch was amazing, sausage meat, stuffing roast potatoes cooked in goose fat mmm. I spent the afternoon feeling overfull and playing counter strike source.

By the evening I was very bored and ended up watching Rushmore on TV drinking whiskey and retiring to bed.

Christmas Eve 2006

Ah, Christmas the season to be jolly, eat too much and drink even more. Other the last few years we have had a tradition of visiting the Rectory in Wilmslow. This year was no exception, a group of us met in the queue outside the Rectory. Danny, Ian, Nick, Phil, Bruce, Becky, Paul, Pippa and Myself. We met up with Paul's ex step sister Emily her boyfriend and some of her friends who were already inside.

We had to queue up to get into the Rectory and when we finally managed it the place was heaving. Undaunted we headed upstairs found a spot round a table, ordered some drinks and got into the Christmas spirit.

I proceeded to drink a lot chat to everyone, ogle girls, and catch up with people whom I haven't seen in years. Harsh moments included sitting next to Becky and Nick when they had a domestic. I worry about Nick he always seems so tired, I wonder sometimes if his pursuit of housing empire has become an end in itself rather than the means to become rich. Another difficult moment occurred later. I was cornered by Dan, he started giving me a talk about my blog and proceeded to list off my faults including the fact he thinks I 'try too hard', while I appreciate his concern it was maybe not the best moment. It is nice to know people care though, and in a quieter moment (or one when I wasn't completely sizzled) would have been more appropriate.

It was nice to see Woller he popped down later on in his car to say hello I guess, it was nice to see him. He seemed to have quietened down a lot recently still a funny and welcome presence though.

After we finally left Ian and I came back to my house for a couple more drinks and some setting the world to rights discussion.

Xmas Spirit

I apologise for the poor quality of the image. What you are looking at is a car crashed though the pedestrian Island outside the Bollin Fee Pub in Wilmslow. I was waiting in a queue to get into the Rectory pub across the road when it happened. I did not want to lose my place in the queue in order to have a closer look.

The scariest thing for me was that only about five minutes earlier Phil and I crossed the road at that very point heading to the Rectory.

Old School

As usual with Christmas time I have been trying to balance commitments between family and friends. This morning my dad brought my great aunt round for tea. She was in the Christmas spirit seemed happy to see us all.
I went to the gym for an hour did some cardio work. In the afternoon I went down to Ian's lockup to be the official photographer for the gypsy's playground revival. It was weird but fun to hear Ian, Paul, Berger and Paul R play together again, there seemed to be a lot of creative energy. I took about 200 pictures wading around snapping people with the flash turned off. The are some really great pictures but a lot of chaff to be weeded out.

This evening I went with Phil, Nick, Becky and Martin to Jo and Holly's place for a pre Christmas party. It was very grown up with conversations about marriage, children and life. There was also beer to be drunk and fun to be had a nice warm up for Christmas Eve.

Becky seemed happy apart from the usual fighting with Nick, she was talking about what to wear tomorrow. There were no single ladies at Berger's shindig so I was asking Becky whether any of her single friends would be joining us tomorrow. More important though is whether she will be kind enough to introduce to them!



It was good to see Holly in a positive mood New Year new job really hope things work out well for her.

Amy hit the atmoshpere

The osteopath made my back and neck crack in interesting ways I felt slightly bruised afterwards. He believes he has freed some fused joints so it should improve. I will have to go back in a couple of months and I have some stretches to try. I hope that by changing my posture and workstation along with the exercises I will be able to avoid any long-term RSI effects, fingers crossed.

This afternoon I spent looking at the photos from last night. Unfortunately, the sound on the film recording I made turned out pretty poor the bass notes were so loud they rather overwhelmed my camera and resulted in clipping. Same as the video itself is good.

I watched Futurerama and read some of my economist double issue, the theme is about quality of life. It's a scary statistic that in all countries that have grown in wealth the proportion of people that say they are happy has stayed static. It seems we are our own worst enemies we only feel good when we do comparatively better maybe that is why we are driven to keep up with the Joneses. It's something I can definitely understand succeeding in a lot of ways, but I cant help comparing myself to my peers. In that comparison, I could make some improvements. This drives me to try to improve. The only problem is other people compare themselves to me and will also try harder it's a rather scary cycle really. As Bill Bryson says 1950's America used its increase wealth not to increase leisure but to work harder to buy more.

My mother's friend Michelle came round tonight so we had a huge beef bourguignon it was very tasty. No one I spoke to wanted to play out so I stayed in played counter strike source and listened to music. Tomorrow is Jo's party so I am sure I will make up for staying in tonight.

Sandbox Xmas

Yesterday was a good day, I mostly relaxed finished Bill Bryson's book the Thunderbolt kid. Its actually a really decent read for his take on 1950's America. In the afternoon I went for a job it was cold but I made a decent distance travelling into Bramhall and back.

My parents and I went to the Lai Quila for a Curry, I had my usual Chicken Tikka Sizzler with jalfrezi sauce it was extremely tasty and I didn't feel too guilty eating it because of my run, I am sure it helps ;)

The evening activity was really the high point, it being Sandbox Xmas party at Jabez Clegg. I went down with Ian Phil and Bruce, Phil being kind enough to drive us into Manchester. It was quiet a reunion with all the usual suspects present. I even remembered to take my camera out so there are photos here. It was wonderful that everyone turned out, I am sure Paul and Sandbox appreciate the support. It was really nice catching up with Emily its been six months since I last spoke to her, she was looking well and seemed really happy about the way things are going in London so I am very pleased for her.

Paul's set was first, he accompanied by Jo Berger on bass. It has been a while since I saw Paul play so it was a nice pre Christmas treat. His set included my personal favourite of his tunes, right side of the tracks. I think Woller's new girlfriend was amused that we were all singing along. The addition of the bass added a nice extra dimension to the songs and was good to hear, he seemed to be enjoying it too. The set culminated with an awesome rendition of peculiar way.

Jo Berger and Paul Aiden Playing

After a brief paused for a few drink's it was time for Sandbox to play their set. It was a more acoustic ensemble with Andy playing a drum kit cut down to a shaker and cymbal, Greg on an acoustic and Will playing a Piano (well a keyboard with a Piano sound anyhow). The Christmas songs were a nice touch and they sounded good in this cut down sound working pretty well with Lennie's singing. The crowd seemed to enjoy it too.

Sandbox playing

I had a great evening; it was relaxed and happy with so many friends about. Though I feel I might have got a little too drunk too quickly, I started drinking with my parents before heading down to the gig so I was feeling a little cooked by the time Sandbox were on. A vaguely remember chatting to Emily's friend and saying goodbye hopefully I was well behaved. Next thing I remember was getting a Berger from the Godfather then some haziness, then bed. Next thing was my dad waking me up to head to the osteopath for 9.30.

Group shot around table

Steady, As She Goes

After doing well not very much today over than tweak Becky's website which is looking a little better but I still need to add something to make it more pleasing on the eye. I am not terribly sure about the colour scheme either.

I spent some time talking to Becky she seemed reasonably pleased though suggested a few things which I will add. I front 'splash' screen with a bigger logo and a picture of the horse box.

This evening went out with Bruce Phil and Nina to the Unicorn. Nina was showing off here diamond engagment ring its very pretty square cut one. She was in good for we had a chat about their plans for Christmas. Looks like I will continue the tradition of going to Bruce's house on boxing day for more eating and playing monopoly. It was a fun evening we were all in Christmas moods laughing and joking a nice evening.

Secrets and Lies

Something I was reading reminded me of an interesting conversation I had with my friend about how to lie successfully. Now I like to tell stories and one of the most important things about stories is manipulating the information to present it in a meaningful and hopefully interesting manor. To often people add too much detail or conversely too little. If information is too sparse sometimes things have to be added to spice the story up.

Anyway I digress, basically it is easy to lie. Most of us lie frequently either by embellishing reality of inventing it. For example most people would blaime traffic rather than admit they overslept. The trick of course is not the lie itself but whether the other party believes it.

My friend believed women are better at telling lies because they are more imaginative and therefore able to invent better supporting stories for the lies, and are better able to remember the details of the lie allowing it to endure, and as we all know lie to yourself long enough and you start to believe the lie.

For me there are several things important in not being detected. Most important people must trust you. It might seem obvious but we naturally distrust people unless they are 'experts' like doctors. However we implicitly trust a lot of the people in our lives and that means its easier to swallow their lies. Details are important, but more important is sticking to the story. Often especially with big lies people use a series of lies though all seemingly innocent present a conflicting argument sometimes ever contradicting the earlier lies. This will undoubtedly lead the recipient of the lies to question the evidence (unless they are particularly trusting (or dim :P).

I am not great at telling lies, though I will often lie or avoid telling the truth in order to avoid conflict or just out of laziness. Sometimes I lie to people for amusement either to see if they will swallow or question. I found a site which purports to help one lie better but I disagree with one of the major points. Part of their argument is avoiding people you have an emotional attachment with as they know your baseline behaviour and because you have an attachment you will not be able to lie as easily. I think the opposite is true you can only tell big lies to people who trust you like a partner how else do people live double lives and cover huge secrets in families over generations even? I am also sure I remember reading a study which proved its easier to lie to your partner but I cant find any reference on the internet if anyone know about it please tell where I can find a copy.

Baby Gorilla

I spent the last couple of days visiting a friend. Yesterday we spent wondering around Bristol trying to do Christmas shopping but not really doing very much.

This morning we went to Bristol Zoo where they work. I haven' been to a Zoo since Toronga in Australia. I didn' get to see the Lions they were hiding probably due to the weather but I did see some very cool animals my favourites were the penguins and the monkey island.

All of the monkeys apes and lemurs were fun, but the gorillas were something else, one of the females had just given birth on Friday and had a little baby gorilla he was so tiny and cute. His little body made a sharp contrast to the full sized male or even the 1 year old boy. The Zoo is well worth a look if you are ever down in the Bristol area.

This afternoon we sat in a cafe, and talked amongst other things what happened with Maia. It made me pretty sad going over it to be honest, not really because of Maia anymore more the situation she was another in a very long line of failed relationships well worse really a completely one sided relationship. I am having difficulty finding any answers I need to change and adapt but to what? Answers to that on a postcard if you have them!

Lately I have felt more and more detached from my life its so unfulfilling only glimpses are enjoyable the rest utterly forgettable.

I guess I am tired done a lot of driving the last couple of days I will sleep on things see how I feel tomorrow.

No Surface No feeling

Today I was lazy, I stayed in last night watching a series of terrible films Bruce had acquired and steadily drinking lower grades of beer. We finished the bottle of Vodka I started after coming home from Belarus I think it was the final nail in my coffin.

I spent the morning watching grand designs by the fire then reading the paper letting my body recover. This afternoon I wasted playing Counter Strike thought I did manage to fit in a jog into Bramhall. It was cool not cold though bit of my body were sure freezing by the time I made it home.

This evening I went out with Martin Charlotte Simon and Phil; we went to the Unicorn, the normal staffs were out partying in Wilmslow. Blond girl was in I noticed a ring on her Finger, she must be getting hitched. Marriage seems like it's in the air at the moment. I was quiet nice to see Martin and Charlotte I don't seem to mix with them very often we had a chat a few drinks. X-Factor was on tv and it totally captivated Charlotte and Simon I cant say it does anything for me. I feel a little drunk now just topping up from last night I guess. I had an interesting chat with Charlotte about race and sense of place. We started talking about how basically Europeans are a mix of eastern African and Celtic people. Then got talking about how Australia as basically a country apart is so differnet with its huge number of marsupial creatures in stark contrast to our own. I tried to make the point that the Dingo a symbol of Australia is actually an introduced species its only existence in Australia for about 4000 years, whereas people have been there for 30,000. The Tasmanian devil a marsupial is closer to a native dog than the dingo, though the dingo itself is probably the closest wild Dog left, wolves are wild but not really dogs and the thanks to the long domestication of dogs the rest are feral rather than wild.

I came home to find videodrome is on TV David Cronenberg is sure one sick puppy but a genius in film. His ideas are so lucid and inventive such a break from the generic Hollywood fare.

One day left

Only one more working day until I finish for christmas, I have 4 days holiday to carry over whihc I need to use in January I might try and have a long weekend break somewhere.

I did some more work on Cheshire Horse box hire it is still far from finished but there is now an enquiry box I found the php in one of my dads books. I alo also used CSS styles to apply virtually all of the design. In fact its taught me quiet a bit about css, not that I have become a guru overnight it you take a look its still very basic page.

Went to the Unicorn with Phil this evening, had drink and a chat. Julie was working the bar havent spoken to her in months. Phil was telling me the story of his wireless installation apparently Dan nearly got trapped in a roofspace, there was a few minutes when they were seriously thinking about calling the firebrigade, and Phil nearly demolished the mens toilets. I the end the job seemed to go pretty well.

Presents from afar

I got home from work today to find a package from China, Lulu card and present had finally arrived. She sent me a card and a really wonderful copy of a famous Chinese painting. It is massive I was going to photo it but its too big, I am reallly impressed such a lovely item, I hope it wasn' too expensive.

Anyway thanks very much for such a wonderful gift. It is a shame it took so long by the looks of it the package did not leave China until 1st December.

This evening I made it to the gym for a jog my arms are still too sore for weights. Tried to do some more work on Becky's website managed to get the enquiry form working. I am still not happy about the design but it its good as a starter for 10.

xargs

Found a really useful tool today call xargs used it to copy a list of files, I had a file "static.list" which had a list of files which I needed to copy one per line.

Running the following

cat static.list |xargs -t -i rsync -v CB_DATA/{} rsync://192.168.0.226/opt/advancesbak/CB_DATA/

Run the rsync command

rsync -v CB_DATA/filename rsync://192.168.0.226/opt/advancesbak/CB_DATA/

for each filename listed in "static.list"