Another Day

Work has been hell recently truly I have never been hit for so many things all priorities at once, somehow though I am acheiving less than ever before all the jobs are more tricky beyond my abilities or am so demotivated I can no longer perform or in the past things were too easy. I am not sure the true answers I just know how I eel and at the moment that is not good. I am starting to become the person I always wanted to avoid work focussed manic with no real life; people ask me what I have been doing and aside rom work and trips to the pub what is that exactly?
Suprisingly tonight I went for a few drinks with B and P and Endo it was nice even had a completly civil chat with Julie shes buying a Puma.
I am about two thirds through war and peace now its getting really interesting Napolean is invading Russian making the same mistake as Alexander the Great (and Hitler) charging into Russian in the winter. bad move.
I still hve no idea about what to do about my holidays I havent even been away this year I am wasting my life away working for others and getting no benifit why? why?
This weekend I am going to see Paul something always fun (unless he is in the process of splitting up with his girlfriend) hopefully that will make me feel better about things. I need some fun I think to break away from the mundain.

Fell on Black Days

Last night went out with Nick Becs and Bruce, we popped to the Thieves for a few quiet drinks Bruce was telling me about his Saturday meet-up with the guys he used to work with and how well Big Matt is doing. He is thinking of going contracting because it seems that's where the money is.
Becs was looking a bit tired apparently her doctor told her to take a week off will hopefully that will sort her out.
Nick was alluding to some problems with Ian and Faye but he wouldn't give a straight answer maybe because Bruce was here or maybe because Becs was or me who knows. Nick was in a good mood I guess his manoeuvring around houses is all working out good luck to him.
The product of me talking to my boss about my dad came off today My dad met Martin in Wilmslow today and we all had a drink together afterwards. Felt very strange I am still not 100% I have done the right thing. Especially weird was sitting in the Rectory with Dad Martin David and Steve.
Called Paul to catch up with him this evening wanted to ask him about my whole trip disaster but it didn':t happen I guess that is one mess for me to work out on my own.
Swapping songs tonight (please don&pos;t sue me bpi i bought two albums today) I sent Phil Fell on Black days he sent me FEAR - Ian Brown it turns out we both already own these songs so no point.
I am now just over half way through War and Peace so far its a very rewarding book the characters are so vivid I want to know what happens next and mad though it is I want to see Russia. I must be mad.

Drunk Machine

My 3 copies of Thom Yorks Harrowdown Hil arrived today, my dad was amazed anyone still pressed vinal.
Made a journel to the trafford centre a complete mistake on a arainy summer day it was so busy we ended up parking in costco (and had a decent lunch for £2). We (Myself Phil and Bruce) went to look round the apple store, it was my first time I have been to the one in London (which is far superior) but this was pretty cool lots of nice macs. When I got home I played some Counter Srike trying to imporve my skill from zero to hero so far more zero but who knows.
This evening watched some old fimls again on sky with Phil whislt downing plently of bottle of beer. We watched Batman returns a classic in my opinion Tim Burton is just such a good director. Also watched Sin City, wow can anyone even come close to the sheer cinematic mastery of that film, the use of light and colour is just genius. The acting is sumblime a truly brillent film.
I have been feeling particuarly alone recently Phil has been out with Mercades, Bruce with Nina, Ians working Paul is in London and Nick is working on his houses. I get the feeling I should be out seeing the world. Tthat omehow my world is getting smaller. Strange Strange :S

EB the furture

After another torrid day at work I was feeling pretty tired but I managed to make it to the gym and work out some of my frustrations. I just about managed a run 7km in 50 minutes not great but not bad (for me).

Met up with Bruce and Berger in the Hesketh Cheadle Hulme. For a while we have been talking about building up the Lan events a bit more so we finally sat down and made up a couple of plans. The consensus was that we could do a larger event maybe up to 50 people but we need first to try and find a new venue and to update our rather creaky website. Bruce is going to have a look at updating the website and we are all going to look for new venues.

I think we might go on a reconnaissance mission to see if we can get any tips from some of the other bigger lan's going on.

Wrong size hole

Finally got the go ahead to pick the we bought off ebay up, two immediate problems the disks are too big stupid tall ones they wont fit in a 1u bay :-S but worse than that we need a special cable as x330s apparently dont have mouse, keyboard or video except using IBMs special cable a quick look shows the cable cost more than the server just for a stupid bit of cable which breaks out the vga, keyboard and mouse :S
Its all very frustrating I am sure eventually I will find way around it but for now the server is sat usless under my desk.

Terminal Tournaments X

The tenth ejected brass was held yesterday it was pretty succsessful we have plenty of people turn up to play. My ex workmate Jon made the trip from Leeds with his Macbook, we couldnt get Windows installed so he ended up sharing my pc. He is a bit of a quake fiend.
The server ran really well after a few tweask even Counter Strike seemed to play ball. Bruce loaned us a Cisco switch and buy did it make a big difference it seemed to handle file transfers a lot better than the 3com. I think we might have to buy one in the long term I m certainly a convert now I have seen real world how well they work.

Crazy Days

UK airports ground to a halt today because of terrorist activity (or at least that is the official line who knows the real truth). Work dosnt change of course, I have had a new guy working with me, he is another veteral programmer slighlty different from the others though as he is from South Africa and unlike a lot of British people I know he is positivly glad to be in the UK. He believes it a better country to be in than the US or SA!
Given the IT manger is also a South African its a veritable take over. We went out for lunch so the new guy (sic) could meet one of the other guys.
This evening i have been trying to do the lan set up, finally got a working version of the quake four patch (thanks to bit torrent see not just for pirate things).

Performanc

Got my investment statment yesterday so far this year the termoil in the markets hasnt made me any richer I am finally in overall profit shacking off my initial huge losses with Aberdeen Technology.
Still overall I would have been better off leaving my money in a savings account, hopefully over a longer term Ill earn a better return here is hoping. I dont think my technology shares will ever make any money they would have to raise 5 times their current rate to even break even! Some hope!
Half of investment is attempting not to be overly speculative the greatest returns offfer the greatest dissapointment when I bought my tech stock you coulnt lose they had been going up for years with no end in sight...
Ho hum lesson learned dont be a sheep, choose for the fundamentals not for what people with vested interest or no skills say.

Your so Cold

I have just watched a Spanish film called 'Live Flesh' based on a Ruth Rendell book, its a Spanish take on the thriller genre. I thought it was quiet good but more for the strong characters than the direction. Centring on the lives of Victor a boy always in a hurry and in the wrong place at the wrong time. The tension is not built very well and it was predictable but still a fresh enough take to be worth a watch.
Today has not been the best day, strange bugs and bad information left me spending most of my day running through different simulations I am still amazed at the number of different ways the standard formulars can be applied. I think I cracked it eventually apart from one small issue ill integrat tomorrow. Spoke to one of my collegues he is working full time on another project so it looks like the end of my experiment working on the web stuff I think Ill be stuck forever unless I branch out into something new. Nick thinks I should take the exams and become a broker myself. Its all courses and fees though most of the time I feel o tired I can barly concentrate. My eyes are so sore I need to see the doctor really it must be an infection, Ill find time one day.

Different World

It has been a long day. I spent the morning playing counter strike getting in some practise before next weeks lan bash, this afternoon went swimming then out with Nick and Becky for dinner.
We went to the Leigh Arms in Prestbury near to where Becky lives. Prestbury is a very well to do town nestled away near to Macclesfield, home to company directors and footballers. I was a bit a a annoying evening for various reasons firstly I knew there was a bank in the town centre and I assumed incorrectly that the bank (there actually turned out to be two) would have a cash machine it didn't. Also my phone didn't work anywhere in the centre there is some sort of historic thing going on I guess mobile phones masts and cash machines are too modern.
Nick and Becky arrived only 10 minutes late not bad for a Brook, and the meal was excellent we chose from the bar menu and sat it there. I had fish an chips they were good however nicks bangers and mash looked fantastic.
We chattered about this and that the goings on in Lebanon, Nicks houses and Becky's horses but I couldn't help the feeling its a world I just don't belong to. I'm just a pleb, I don't even have a partner I have to work twice as hard to keep up the conversation. I don't have a rich family and I will probably never haven anything like wealth like the sort of people sat around me. Oh well back to work tomorrow at least I am honest and have integrity.
Bruce was meant to meet us at the pub but because I was in a hurry the couldn&pos;t get any reception on my phone he ended up at the wrong Leigh arms and I had two peeved messages on my phone when I returned to an area of coverage, oops!

Where is the world going

Just read a link posted by Thom York Harsh images, the middle east is a powder keg, there are all sorts of conflicting forces. Emotional (hate, desire, love, patriotism), religion, power, money influence. I think that both sides are ruthlessly using the media; the question is what will happen next are we tumbling towards a new era of conflict? How can Iraq or Afghanistan move on while wars rage on with the neighbours? Whilst Israelis have a right to defend themselves pictures of blown up children only promote the cause of Hezbollah. It all makes me sad but then there are a lot of people exploiting this confluct for their own ends and profiting from danger. I hope that a way past this can be found...

Hurrah for hot water

Since the DIY disaster of a few weeks ago I have had no hot water the heating never got reactivated after we accidently loosed off a few litres of it into my face.
This week the house has been upside down whilst some workmen from Saddleworth installed new radiators and a new boiler. It a modern condensing combination jobs so we dont have a huge water tank in the attic anymore. Also the back boiler from the fire is going to be ripped out too. Hopefully this well mean this winter I wont need electric heaters to stop myself freezing to death.
In other news Phil told me that he has handed in his resignation today he is going to start his own business providing IT support to small companies. I wish him good luck on his new venture he hasnt been too happy where he has been working for a while.

White

Last night I watched the Three colours white the second part of the trilogy to me is was probably the weakest of the three films on the theme of fidelity Karol a poilish imigrant in France is divorced by his wife and falls down on his luck saved and helped to return to Poland by a fellow Pole. Karol decided to improve his lot in order to seek revenge and win back his wife. Its all pretty complex the relationship between Karol and Michojev I found more interesting than that with his wife. It was well shot and interesting to watch well worth a viewing as long as you dont mind subtitles.
I might have set in motion something bad, yesterday I had a meeting with my boss Martin it was pretty fruitful in a way at least I know some of the things going on even if it dosnt yet make much difference to me. Martin made an offhand comment asking what my dad is upto these days, I mentioned that to my dad and suggested he send Martin his cv. On balance I am not sure it was worth me getting his hopes up its just I know he needs to get some income and perhaps he could help out, dispite not knowing basic he is a good programmer. My worry is that Martin will be annoyed at me or worse my dad will get his hopes up for nothing and be annoyed at me. Perhaps in future I should just keep my mouth shut.

Fishy

I have just cleaned out my tank changed the fileters and ordered £110 of filteres and cleaning products. I was pretty upset to see one of them floating on the surface this morning so I am going to make sure that the tank is as good an environment as possible from now on.

Had to use some brinkmanship to get holidays unforftunatly couldnt get any time off in October so looks like my trip to China is out now. Fortunatly I hadn't booked anything yet. At least I have got a few days of in September and at Christmas.

Sad

Got up this morning to find one of my fishes had died in the night, the silodontis catfish. Very upsetting but I guess he was nearly 6 years old and had never looked too good from when I first had him.

Another John Cooke

I received an email this morning from John Cooke of Utah, USA

Hi John:

My name is john cooke too. It was interesting to find your site. I'd like to hear about you. Where you live, what you do, whatever.

I live in Utah, but I'm not Mormon. I am a student at the university. I have been married for 17 years and have 2 children.

I won't tell you any more in case you don't care.

Thanks. john

I do care I think its great to connect with other people its what the internet is all about, so thanks very much. I am thinking about adding a section to my website with a list of the other John Cooke's of the world, just for fun of course.

Into the frying pan

Been another restful sunday, laid in bed this morning hung over vaguly listening to the archers which my dad had on in the next room. Decided I should go for a swim and sauna to sort myself out. A short cycle thirty lengths and sit in the sauna and I certainly felt refreshed.
Good thing I took some exercise lunch was another bbq so tasty but I have eaten way too much meat for my own good this summer. The afternoon I whiled away reading some more of War and Peace, im three books in no and the story is starting to get more compelling, its still quiet hard going though. Tolstoy certainly likes to detail his characters.
This evening Bruce and I went to see sandbox at retro bar, Retro bar is as cheap as I remember from my student days they had 2 bottles of becks for 2.50 result! Walking downstairs to the basemaent venue reminded me of my time in the sauna. The basement was stupidly hot, your could literally fell a wall of heat as you went through the door. Its a testinment to the ban they managed to get through their set Andy told me afterwards he was sick thanks to the heat, not good at all. The set however was good dispite struggling for breath in between songs Lennie was on form the new songs sounded good (I think thye will be better with a little more maturing, 1 million marboros is a favorite of mine so was good to hear.
Managed to check up with Emily sounds like she is having a great time in London by the sounds of it the projects are interesting, randomly she is linving with someone who also did my course at UMIST there cant be more than 25 people a year that did it, what a small world. I wonder how I would feel if I worked for a prestigous technology company on ore interesting projects, probably my moral would be a lot higher. Good for her anyway, time for bed another day at the coal face tomorrow.

Blue

Watched the first of Tros Colours series this evening, I had seen Red a few weeks ago and thought it be a beautiful one.
Blue is about liberty, Juile life is turned upside down when her husband and daughter are killed in a car crash, she withdraws from the world abandoning possession and people "Now I have only one thing left to do: nothing. I don't want any belongings, any memories. No friends, no love. Those are all traps."
The film is delightfully shot with lingering close ups on minute aspects of Julies life dipicting her withdrawing by concentrating on the little things in her life, when an old friend lover confronts her she is fixated by dipping a sugar cube into her coffee. Tinged through the film is a musical theme, her late husband was a composer and Julie is haunted by dreams of his final piece. Kriz shows we cannot escape reality as a series of characters old and new snap her out of her self imposed exile.

Superman Returns

Just got back from watching superman returns, I wasnt impressed. Aside from the great effects the story was second rate, there was way way too much psudeo chrstian imargery, just like in Spiderman too when Superman falls to earth he does so in the posture of crucifiction (in spiderman 2 spidy gets kind of crusified by a train). There is also a lot of emphasis on the workds spoken by Marlon Brando in the origonal superman about the only son being sent to earth...
I also didnt like the idea of the superman making moves on a married Lois Lane, dude you missed your chance dont mess with another guys wife.

Fidelity

Went to see Regina Spector last night at the Lowery, Salford Quays. It was a strange but excellent evening.
I had seen Regina first this January at the academy 3 since then she has released a new album and grown considerably in popularity. In the last couple of weeks Ive seen reviews in both the Telegraph magazine and Radio Times recommended by Phil Jupitus's column.
The concert in Janurary was one of the best I have ever been too she was totally captivating so as soon as I found out she was playing Manchester again I got tickets, so Did Phil, Bruce and Joe.
It was a strange set up for a concert all seating and sold out, except there seemed to be a lot of empty seats, no matter though Regina was on form, using keyboard guitar and even her own body as an instrument.
I really enjoyed the concert she is a lot better live than recorded, stripped down to her on her own she is just fantastic the album is a bit too over produced for my liking.
After the concert we went for an Indian at the excellent SPicy Hut Rusholme, all in all a very good evening.