Starlight

Japanese class was actually quiet good tonight, there were a few people away and that seemed to help people along a little. Also for the first time really I felt like a few of the sentences were coming together a little. Though I am still at a very basic stage its pretty gratifying for me to start to understand a few basic sentences something I have never been able to do in anything other then English before now.

If like me you spent a load of time randomly surfing the net I have found one way to make a little back from the time invested. I have been doing a lot or surveys recently I am signed up to several survey websites. They are pretty easy usually only taking a few minutes to fill in just ticking some boxes.

There seem to be a lot of websites which will pay for you opinions either in money or in reward points (like I-Points). Over time I have signed up to quiet a lot of these companies with varying degrees of success. I have accrued load's of I-Points and hi points which I find to be fairly useless. On the other hand I have had real cash payouts from at least three agencies. I think probably about 60£'s which is not much but basically money for nothing.

In my opinion the site who give away points are fairly useless, cash really is king. Aim for sites that offer real financial incentives, like Ciao or yougov.

They both have restrictions in that you need to earn over a threshold before you can claim (£ for ciao &50; for yougov). Both yougov and ciao have sites have regular paid surveys. Others like Pure Point pay cash but rarely seem to have surveys, or like harris have lots of surveys but only give points and prizes. I have done loads for Harris but all I have is a heap load of Harris points which can get my some cheap tacky crap.

In other money related news I finally decided to Cash out my mutual.net shares I got them for free and they are now worth £100 give or take. I decided to take up the reduced dealing fee £12 instead of £20. On the face of things it’s a growth company making a profit. However its in a really competitive market dosn't pay a dividend and has a difficult to follow business all the sorts of things a value investor should shy away from. As I already have a lot more speculative cash tied up in other areas I decided to take profit on this nice freebee cash and pay off some debt.

Boring Monday

Somehow I managed to get through work yesterday by the time I got home dreams of going to the gym were forgotten though. Instead I spent my evening filling out a VAT registration form. Which I must say was far easier than I expected. By the end of the month I should have a VAT number so I can sort out all my accounts in time for filing them in December.

Then I watched the next couple three episodes of lost I am upto episode six now. The story lines seems to be opening up and improving a little but its nowhere near as compelling as the previous series.

I only have about 1/4 of the Song of Susannah left to read and as I am still waiting for the Dark Tower to arrive I have somewhat slowed down my reading speed, I don't really want to be left on a cliffhanger. Stephen King has been pretty clever in drawing in threads from his other books it makes me want to read them as well.

Just Friends

Last night I went round to Ian house to watch a DVD, I feel awful this morning. The day was innocent enough I spent time chatting on the net, moving some more photos from web album to my gallery. All of the return to Australia ones are now there.

I even managed a trip to the gym, did my leg weights exercises which make my legs feel rather jelly like this morning. I was a bit bored in the evening my parents were hogging the lounge so I was pleasd when Nick invited me over to watch a film. Ian and Bec's were there, and Ian and I headed out to get a film, collecting Phil on route.

Nick surprised us all by asking us to buy wine and pizza but and I quote "not the cheapest one". Wow I never thought I would hear him say that. Fortunatly for us Tesco had an offer on margaritas which we spiced up by adding ham and Salami.

As Becky was about we decided to rent a comedy and choose Just Friends. This is a comedy about a guy who spent his high school years in the friend zone. Years later he is successful, thin and popular however a return to his Jersey home and a chance encounter with his old flame lead to hilarious consequences. It turned out to be surprisingly funny (especially after several Carlsberg's).

After the end of the film Becky and Nick went to bed and Bruce (who arrived in time to catch the start of Just Friends) left. Ian, Phil and I stayed up drinking and watching Fearless. Which is an excellent Jet Lai film (beware it in Chinese Language so if your like Phil and hate subtitles this might not be for you). We chatted and drank some more I ended up home about 1:30 half cooked after drinking so much cooking lager. It was an enjoyable evening though relaxed and fun for a change :)

Crystal Ball

"Hear my song, fading out everything I know is wrong"! It's hard to follow milestone posts I almost feel like I have reached there so what next what new lets do something different. However being a creature of habit here I am again writing to the world + dog.

I had a chilled out day today tried to get on top of some work started writing a cocktail generator for Ian using PHP so far its going slow but its fairly new to me, hopefully soon there will be something to show.

I started to write a new guide I thought as my DHCP guide is fairly popular I would produce a short article on how I created the loopback DNS for the LAN bash. Hopefully it will prove useful to somebody.

I managed an hour at the gym dispite the fact I felt completly drained today, funny how simply sitting trying to get bits of software to work as required can be so draining.

Tonight went for a curry with Nick and Becky, I had failed completely to get Nick computer back on the internet for some reason his pc no longer wishes to connect to my wireless network I think it's a radio issue but why its decided now I cant explain. Becky is starting her own company and apparently wants me to help her design something. Fortunately she has some concrete ideas so hopefully I will be able to put something together. I felt kind of weird being out with them thought they are my friend and I enjoy their company I cannot help feeling I am doing the job of two people when I am out with them. There is someone I would have loved to introduce but she is far away, why cant things ever be simple?

Post 300

This blog has been going since July 2005 and has just reached a milestone 300. I originally started to help my Chinese friend Lulu keep up with what I am doing with my life. Over time I have gained a few readers god know why you keep coming back but like any author (am I really allowed to call myself that) I enjoy that fact other people enjoy my work.

I noticed something amusing about that first post, other than the fact I am still talking about the same people I was even then talking about buying a new camera and though I enjoy taking pictures so much I still haven't. I think I will get one for my birthday.

Today is another red letter day I finally after months and months have my living room back the decorating and finished I even have TV again Wahoo. Actually the thing I enjoyed most was sitting on the couch enjoying the warm from the fire just relaxing drinking a beer, that is what living rooms are for.

Bruce came over he and Nina have enjoyed their stay in Prague by all accounts, he brought me back a Matushka which featured Prime Ministers of England very funny response to the Matushka I brought him back from Belarus. We were going to catch up with lost but Bruce accidentally deleted the ones we wanted to see so instead ended up watching the world is not enough. The last time I saw this was on my birthday a few years ago with Phil. We watched it and had a massive curry at the Garam Massala ended up being too full to go out anywhere.

I spoke to the girl whom I argued with the other night this evening. I think we ironed out a few things. I apologised for taking things too far and being far too unhappy the other night. I think I even managed to repair some of the damage. Unfortunately despite a mending of things events have conspired against us. We talked of plans but I think in reality it is unlikely (though it would be pleasant) if we see each other again. I think that it is a shame, but it seems like I am doomed to like people that I don't really have a future with, perhaps thats part of the attraction?

Call Centres

I managed to reinforce my view that all centres a waste of time by phoning Standard life. I had been reading their website, in particular the section about divideneds. There is a paragraph which states.

We currently intend either to offer shareholders the opportunity to take their dividends in the form of shares rather than cash, or to reinvest their dividends in Standard Life plc shares. If you would like more information please contact your local shareholder helpline.

So I contacted the helpline only to be told I new more than the operative, sigh. One wonders which bright spark on the internet team decided to invite people to phone up without training the people on the phones. Oh well so far my shares have proven a good investment regardless of the quality of phone line support hopefully this will continue.

Another brick in the wall

I did something quiet funny but slightly dumb today, I was playing around with a stress ball bounching it off the wall I got a bit enthusiastic and launched it a bit too hard it bounced off the wall am smashed a roof tile oops! I was so shocked I just looked at it whilst the people opposite me laughed. Fortunatly it wasnt really broken just dislodged, I ended up covered in dust for the priviledge though.

It reminded me of a game I used to play in my youth. Back then I used to play Rugby and when visiting opponents especially dirty ones (as in playing tactics not standard of hygine) I and some of my teamates would leave a mark by knocking a hole in the oppositions changing room roof. Naughty but extreamly funny, once nearly got caught left a white tray in the hole and nobody noticed.

I went to the gym after work and now my arms ache I always seem to overdo it though while I am there I often feel I am not pushing myself hard enough. Hard to find a compromise I guess.

Clearing up

Had a weird day at work today a different senior programmer turned up, apparently he is taking charge of development. I think I can learn something from him but at the same time I find it pretty daunting to have to show yet another person that I am worthy or merit. In fact I almost feel like I no longer have the energy too act like a circus animal again. We shall see how things pan out.

It was a little annoying once again I could have done with staying late to make a good impression and finish things off but I have to leave for Japanese class after work. Its the only night I really have to leave on time typical!

Japanese was really hard I am not sure I will ever manage to understand Katakana it seems to make sense for a few seconds when I learn then when put on the spot it all floods out of my head.

I feel fucking useless this evening I can' seem to do anything, I wanted to make a few changes to Ian's site but I just ended up making a dogs dinner of my test site. After having a colleague giving me the third degree all day it really was not what I needed.

Got a text from Maia the first one in a month to tell me the her boyfriend had come to visit her. I know its terrible to be jelious but I cant help it I wish it were me, but it isnt and never will be. I deleted her number off my phone least I do something stupid when I get drunk. Straight afterwards another chat person started talking to me shes always been a bit hard to deal with at times but tonight it was too much I was probably a bit unfair to her but who is she to always judge me? Our conversation reminded my of Friday night I remember chatting up some girl things were going well until I mentioned some throwaway line about not enjoying the place because it was a bit cheap (it is a weatherspoons cheap as chips) I think she thought I called her cheap and started into a tirade about her coming from Lacey Green (a council bit of Wilmslow). I guess thats like me this chat partner just brings out the worst in me its like she knows exactly what to say to dig the knife in, its a shame at one point I thought she was actually going to end up being a friend of mine for real.

I just want to go get on a plane to somewhere, anywhere just away from this place anymore. From all the people telling me what to do and how to live. Away from conflicting ideas, wasted days, feeling washed out, inadequate, unloved and pointless. There must be more to life than this?

These thought's and the strain I am under

Work was really annoying today, in the works of Dante Hicks "I'm not even suppose to be here today". Originally I had booked a holiday that I had to cancel for something which was meant to occur but didn't actually happen.

I am only just debugging a project which has been in the testing phase for over 6 months the people who requested it have only just got around to testing it despite it being marked as high priority on the project plan. That damn plan laughs at me evertime I look at it the works stretches well into next year and its not getting any shorter. More requests are coming in all the time most marked high priority or ASAP. Well currently ASAP is months not days or weeks. Its all very frustrating, already the weekend feels a very long time away.

After work I went for a run it chilled me out a lot, as I arrived home I saw Martins 4x4 outside. He had come around to help my dad fix the radiators back in place. It looks like the decorating is nearly done might even get to use the living room in time for my birthday that would be nice. Hats off to Martin he certainly seems to know his stuff when it comes to heating systems.

Phil and I practised Japanese for an hour I am finding it so difficult I guess I need a lot more practise. We had a gander at Alison's web page it sounds so cool to be on a cruise ship diving all the time and having fun with the crew.

Ian came over later we did a little work on his website its running a bit behind schedule I am going to try and put together a cocktail generator for the site. I am hoping it will teach me a bit of PHP and make Ian's site more desirable.

I got a bit of a shock I found out the while we were out drinking in Wilmslow on Friday night that there was a mass braw in which one person was stabbed and killed just down the road. Very scary stuff I have never thought of Wilmslow as a dangerous place but I guess that too much alcohol causes people to do crazy things. I do not really want to speculate on the why I dont know any details I just thinks its terrible someone life can be taken away for what some stupid argument the world is a savage place at times. It made me think about what would have happened to me if the young kid whos blood ended up all over me during the fight in Cheadle Hulme we broke up had a knife I might not be here now scary stuff.

Gunpowder treason and plot

I arrived back from Bath about 6pm just in time to get changed and make it to Woodford fireworks display. I went with Nick Becky Mike Ali and daughter Isobel. I haven't seen Mike and Ali for ages for it was a really nice treat. Isobel has grow, she seems so changed from last time I saw her. She was dancing with Mike it was very cute.

The fireworks were really good though a little short, there were a lot of people there so hopefully it was successful for the community.

I met up with Phil afterward he watched the fireworks from the Legion this saving on the entry fee. We popped round to Martins he was having his annual fireworks and BBQ. Given the good weather for November and the amount of fireworks he managed to procure. The display was pretty funny especially as Si kept aligning them under Martins tree causing unexpected trajectories.

Was good to see Martin and Endo Si and the rest don't really see to much of them these days.

Its been a pretty hectic weekend for me I am feeling tired but happy I saw a lot and enjoy my time I hope to see some more soon.

On another note I finished the Wolves of Calla only two more books of the Dark tower remain I cannot wait to see how it all ends. Stephen King's imagination is truly awesome, I only wish I could have such an insightful mind.

Bath

On the way back from Stonehenge I decided to stop off in Bath and have a look around. Bath is a lovely place, I found it lovely had a walk round the abbey acress the Pulteney Bridge which has shops on either side like the origonal London Bridge would have done.

Saw some fantastically expensive houses in a place called the cirus. Its like a big roundabout with a grassed area in the roundabout and a circle of houses round the ourside. They look nice have to be really to justify the £650,000 asking price.

I walked into the Jane Austin museam and the baths but they were both (in my opinion) too expensive so I just walked round some more saw a couple or parks then ate a rather nice Thai meal and headed home, mmm tom yum soup is so tasty.

Salisbury

Salisbury is a little Market town city near to Stonehenge I spent the night in the youth hostel. The YHA is a short walk from the town centre pretty well placed really.

On driving up to the youth hostel set back in a tree lines area on the outscirts of the city. I was on a high, feeling good after seeing Stonehenge. The YHA's main building is a beautiful place old structure. I was ecpecting a lot, unfortunatly the actual rooms were in a wooden building around back. Not quiet so nice but it was a warm bed.

After checking in I went walking around the town. I soon got a feel for the place its a very pretty market town city. I went in a few bars but did not really feel like drinking. Almost by chance I found a cinema and decided to catch a movie, Borat.

The Salisbury odean inhabits one of the old buildings. I guess that limits what they could do with the place, I found it one of the most uncomfortabe and frankly weird cinemas I have ever been in. The couple in front of my were cuddling except his arm was resting on my leg as the legspace was so limited, this was on the main screen as well I dread to think what the others are like.

Borat was very funny mostly, complete car crash tv in some places. I personally was a little scared by the naked chase bits.

On Sunday Morning I visited the Catherdral which it very big and impressive. The spire is truly missive but dignified with its pretty stonework. Unforutnatly there was a service so barly saw the inside, and part of the outside was covered with scaffolding.

The final picture is of an ancient market place.

The anonymous poster really must not have a very fulfilling life if they spend their evenings correting peoples blogs!!

Stonehenge

I decided that I want to see more of the UK so today in my slightly worse for wear state I drove 5 hours to see Stonehenge. Photos here

The drive was long but not too bad really only a few minor Birmingham related badness moments with roadwork getting onto the M5. Once I started getting close to Salisbury the drive started to become really fun, driving along A roads is more exciting for starters. The weather was good the sun by this time shining and the sky clear autumn colours in the leaves open fields and picturesque scenes.

The first sign of the Henge was a car park; you see that about a minute before the place itself. On arrival English Heritage are firmly in control everything is managed, access is buy a tunnel under the road then you walked slowly round the perimeter of the site. You can get close enough to touch only gaze from a distance. You do get to listen to a rather patronising talk for example at the end of one seciont I was informed "press 44 that's 4 and 4" in case I didn't know!

The stones themselves are impressive you can easily imagine how ancient people would have been awed by the site as the made there way to it I just with it wasn't all so stage managed.

After walking round the stones I went to walk round the barrows which are ancient graves not far from the stones walking though friled round these and staring at the henge from a distance gave me a much better feel for the site then the English Heritage tour.

Friday night at the Bollin

Another Friday Night, Paul is in town, he is staying at Ian's this time. The group ranks were swelled with the addition of Phil, Woller, Danny and his new lady friend Jen. After much confusion about transportation we eventually taxied ourselves to trooped off to the Bollin Fee in Wilmslow.

Drinks were cheap and boy did we consume plenty of them. It was a fun evening I got to know Jen a little which was nice she seems like a lovely person I hope she and Dan are happy together. To me so far she seems a more outgoing person than Lyn.

I made a fool of myself trying to dance and drinking too much but I had a fun evening.

Stupid Blogger

I am going to avoid work today least I fall into the trap of work becoming my touchstone its getting close but I am still enough of my own person not to be overwhelmed for now.

Three people this week have all told me they read this blog, so sometime in the future they are going to pass over these word's I am typing into my screen right now. It is quiet a strange feeling for me I have never really felt interesting enough to imagine people actually listen to anything I have to say. I hope in some small way I provide enjoyment for people out there (you can always comment ;). Strange really this all started out as a bit of a vent, in fact my Chinese friend Lulu was the one who perswaded me to start writing. Thanks to the wonders of Google most visitors stumble upon is via a search rather than direct route. I certainly never imagined anyone would ever read it seriously excpet maybe Lulu its all her fault really.

I have also slowly climbed up Google's page rank, I used to sit several pages down behind the sites dedicated to John Cooke Bourne or one of the other more famous John Cooke's. At the moment I am riding high appearing close to the top. I guess this is my 15 minute moment.

As usual in blogs I have been side tracked. What I wanted to talk about is the forces of chaos. Tonight I walked into the John Millington and saw Victoria loitering at the bar. My first thought was how strange, but then I realised its not really so strange. She initially contacted me after noticing a post about that very establishment. A part of me wanted to go chat to her when I saw her at the bar but I wimped out instead went and to get some cash.

I had gone to the John Mill with Nick and Becky I hadn't seen them in ages we have both been away and had plenty of stories to tell each other. Becky was quizzing me about Maia and other details of my non existent love life. It looks like she is about to start her own business, I think I might soon be trying to bodge together another website for her. Nic seemed pretty tired it seems he hasn't let up in his relentless desire to own most of Manchester; indeed he has bought a transit van to replace the mini van I went to get with him only a few months ago.

I am tired and probably typing rubbish time for bed, night

Fun in the sun

I received an email from Alison this morning, she updated her blog. Its pretty sporadic thanks to the fact she is on a cruise ship. Her photos make me incredibly jealous its looks so wonderful out there its been so long since I went diving must be amazing to get paid to visit these amazing places i think I am in the wrong career.

Talking of wrong careers something I didn't mention yesterday was my horror in hearing that some council employee from Birmingham earned £90,000's including bonuses and overtime allowance whilst off on long term sick. So whilst the government are hassling me for extra taxes they are wasting money paying light bulb replacement men (he worked coordinating traffic light repairs. I despair about the world when I hear things like this).

Waiting for the sun

Its gone cold today, almost without warning the temperature has gone from mild to sub zero. Walking out of work to my car I felt a chill in the air, but after a gym session I walked out to very chilled air and steadily freezing windows on the car.

I saw one of the managers from work at the gym; I was running round the track I think he said more to me in those few minutes than in the last few months at work. I managed quiet a reasonable cardio session tonight 5KM round the track 20 minutes on the new step machine 15 minutes on the x-trainer and some abs work.

I got home to find another letter from the Inland Revenue, now not only to they want extra taxes off me they also want me to complete a tax return. This is a most upsetting occurrence as tax returns are rather long complex forms and I really have better things to do with my life. I would like to say I cannot think of reason why they are picking on me, but in truth I can think of at least three without even trying.

1. (Paranoia)I once got a tax rebate for £1500 and they want it back!


2. (Burocracy) Thanks to me getting free medical cover I didnt pay enough tax (by £105.16)


3. This is the mostly likely. I run a very small web hosting company. It is run as a company to limit the liability. The made a profit of £180 last year I have a feeling that the tax people think its some sort of fiddle.

In order to make up for my tax troubles I went for a pint with Bruce he has been in Gloucester this week and is going to Prague on the weekend after his cousins wedding (on a separate trip his isn't going ton the honeymoon!). Makes me kind of wish I was going in a way but hopefully I will still enjoy myself in the UK.

Had a pretty stupid argument with someone online last night I haven't exactly got over it yet, sometimes I just let things get to me I can be pretty argumentative and I usually see the worst in things so when faced with someone who has equally as strong opinions things often end in conflict. I often had the same problem with Jo B though we are good friend's these days. I guess I need to learn to be more patient and to not see the worst in things thought that is not too easy when all too often the worse happens.

To end on a positive note though I feel good this evening I have had an enjoyable evening I am looking forward to seeing Paul Ian and the others Friday night then seeing Stonehenge on Saturday.

March of the Penguins

This evening I watched the film March of the Penguins. I is not quiet as good as a decent David Attenborough program but not far off well worth a watch if you like nature programs. The penguins have a kind of quiet majesty about them. Serene in the lifestyle totally geared towards the survival of the species. I guess that is life. Its all about the survival of the species damn happiness, sadness joy and pain in the end its only the species that really matters.

I heard on the radio that elephants joined a select group of animals; in that they are self aware they recognise their own reflection like humans, grate apes and dolphins. Strange really to think such ability as to see ones own reflection is actually an evolutionary masterpiece.

Today I my colleague looked as stressed as I felt last week, this time his domain was crashing about his ears whilst his colleagues were away. I did my best to help but it just shows how overstretched the systems part of the business is really relying on a few key people is a sure sign of problems.

I was speaking to someone on ICQ this evening who thinks I should be grateful for everything I have. I tried to explain that life is in the end all down to perception. Yes things are great compared to people in the developing world who have to worry about the next meal, but in the end that's not whom I will compare myself against. I look towards my peers and compared to them I am doing very poorly. Further I don't believe I am meant to be happy that's simply a mistruth our reason for living isn't to be happy but simple to perpetuate the species unfortunately on that level too I am not doing very given the distinct lack of a partner, oh well.

Fortunately I was saved from the depths of the conversation by Phil on his return from Aikido. We went for a couple of drinks and had a chat about work and life, things are going well for him since leaving his job he seems to have picked up some decent works as a contractor which is great makes me think long and hard about doing the same. At the moment I feel like my career is stalled I am a trainee developer who has only ever had 8 days of training. Despite many promises I am still doing exactly the same support role as the day I started. Just this week some contractor got hired to do the sort of work I want to be involved with on over £300 a day. I don't expect that but wouldn't it make sense to train me too? I guess not to my boss.

Blogger Problems and Murphy's Law

I have been having a few issues with Blogger of the last couple of days I haven't been able to publish anything. There is no explanation on Blogger's site but other people were complaining about the same issue on the message boards. I have been trying every so often since Saturday finally this evening I was able to publish again.

From one fuckup to another, a server crashed over the weekend causing major panic at work, as usual in these situations Murphey's law made it happen at the worst possible time when the backup server is also out of action thanks to a hardware fault *sigh*. Fortunately this time it isn't me that has to stay up into the small hours this time but my colleague poor lad. I did try to help by knocking up a program which (touch wood) should help speed things along a little.

One of my ex's contacted me today. She wanted to tell me she was moving house and back in with the guy whom he once broken off their engagement and once walked out on her. Now I know this might seem like its none of my business and I have never met him but he sounds like a complete twat to me why she feels like she can't do better I will never know. Oh well none of my business these days I told her I thought she was being a fool other than that I good luck I hope things work out different this time.

I have a couple of extra days off this weekend and have decided it might be fun to see something of England I was thinking in honour of the Celtic / Pagan new year I might go and see Stonehenge seeing as I have never been there. I might even drop into Salisbury Cathedral as well; catch some of the things tourists come to see in the United Kingdom.

I want to do something stupid

Just got back from a gym session my body is totally tired Just like the other day I had to tone down all my weights and even go for a couple of walks in between some of the more taxing sets. It is amazing that in only just over a month of not doing weights how much power I have lost, so difficult to build up so easy to lose!

What is normally a euphoric experience was partially messed up but the thoughts running around my head. I kept thinking about Maia how can she have forgotten me, why can't I forget and get a clear head? A question haunts me, "why does no one love me"? Maia fell for some German weirdo before the Italian, my god he was into taking photos of his Barbie dolls! What the heck as the Italian chap got that I haven't except a tan and a pass to Italy. So the stupid thing I want to do is phone her demand to know why! However that is about the worst idea ever so instead I will try and forget.

Further thoughts have been troubling me. I have known at least three girls who after finding out I still lived at home suddenly lost interest. I don't know if its lucky escapes from gold diggers or women just want to find someone who is master of their own destiny and can take care of themselves.

I need to break out of this I felt so good a couple of weeks ago yet is often seems like everything wants to drag me down. Problems at work, and women; especially when they seem keen one moment and then not so. Not no one where I am going or what to do next weekend I have two extra days off I was planning to go to Prague. I loved Prague but part of the reason to go was to visit a girl I know there. Not quiet the same situation as Maia, I met Kelly in Manchester we went out for a drink had a good time but since we have only talked sporadically, I talked about going to visit her after getting back from Belarus but since we have been pretty distant so its probably (almost certainly) a stupid idea, anyway I need to move on not retry past mistakes. Instead I am going to go see something in the UK where I am not 100% sure yet hopefully it will prove to be a fun adventure.

Six Mile Water

This week has been pretty tiring, not just because I had to stay up late working, though that sure added to the problem. I think mostly the good feelings leftover from my holiday has gone replaced by an empty confused feeling.

Yesterday was the 11th Lan event, more computer games, more pizza more fun. Based at the legion as usual Phil and I had picked up the keys last night so we were able to set up at our leisure. A couple of people decided to turn up way before the event started which was slightly annoying especially as they are the more demanding clients. However undeterred we set up quickly like pros. Despite earlier feelings the turnout ended up lower than expected. A few new people turned up though; also one returning guy from Lan number 2 came again. He now has a new pc, complete with a really cool display on the front. I enjoyed the day even though I was certainly too tired to talk to Chris after a full day of his questions. The games all seemed to go pretty well though we never got HLstatsX working shame but oh well. I guess the next one will be Christmas only not long now folks!

I washed my car earlier and for no reason at all random trains of thought started going though my mind. I remember thinking out the different types of intelligence. I thought of several distinct types, first that quick sharp intelligence the one that works like lightening, creator of retorts, quick jokes and sharp words. Second is the deep knowledge it can be slow or quick the ability to call on a body of evidence to remember quotes dates and events and use them to back up arguments. Finally there is the practical intelligent some people are just able to look at problems and see the solution. That eureka moment going from a to c without passing through b. Most people are a composite of these types falling somewhere into the mix I have found it very rare to meet people who are well versed in all areas. Just thought I would share that weirdness with you ;-)

Hip to be square

I feel so tired I have gone beyond tired but more than tired I am currently angry. I have a number of reasons to be unhappy mostly the normal things the tax demand pissed me off a great deal but I think the icing on the cake today had to be a comment from the IT manager. I have stayed up two nights in a row later doing out of hours work this afternoon my mind wasnt focused at all I was tired and I asked to go home early (at 4 insted of 5.30) rather than say yeah sure you have done a good job recently he started to lay into me about a worklist which I hadn' completed. Well no I haven' that is correct because as usual priorities have shifted other jobs have come up but hey I have worked an extra two evenings I am worn out I can sit hear and pretned to be productive or I can go home and rest recover.

To make matters wrose I have found out once again I have been left out of the new software development a contractor has been hired I wouldnt have even known anything about it if a collegue hadnt phoned me to ask about some XML work. TO be honest is pretty much a joke I am not really sure how I can remotivate myself after all this.

I tried to cheer myself up chatting to friends on the internet but I just ended up in an arguemtn about religion of all things. I then went out for a drink with Phil but I wasnt in the mood in fact I should just have stayed in and rested I just feel angry and tired not a good combination.

Taxed to death

I went home for lunch and found a "really nice" letter from the tax man waiting for me. Apparently somehow I managed to underpay my tax by £120's last year, how remiss of me. I only paid £3900 in income tax, another £2100 in national insurance, £175 road fund licence and god only knows what other stealth taxes in VAT, insurance premium tax, fuel duty, stamp duty (on share dealing). On top of this I have a £70 a month student loan repayment! By my calculation I paid more tax last year than I earned in take home pay when I worked for Wilmslow high school.

I have been a life long Liberal voter but to be honest I really feel the labour need to go now! The illegal war in Iraq apart how is it fair I have such a tax burden placed on me? Why do I need to feed an ever growing government with its pork barrel spending to companies like Capita and Serco. What am I actually getting from the state other than poor services under investment in a crumbling infrastructure and a ticking pension time bomb?

Sandboxxed

My work task failed last night perhaps rsync wasn't the correct tool for such a massive copy job. I will have to try again tonight, this time I have exposed the backup server as an nfs share I am hoping this will speed things along...

The IT director came to have a word with me about the whole situation I think it is only about the third time he has ever spoken to me. So far conversations have always been because something has gone wrong. One day it would be nice to get a pat on the back but somehow I cannot see that happening.

I managed to sneak away 30 minutes early (I was hoping for an hour but never mind) so I went for a jog made it into Bramhall and back with wasn't bad. I still need a lot of work to get fully back into shape though.

Tonight I had arranged (rearranged actually but never mind) for Andy to come round so we could put together a holding site for the new sandbox on-line site. In all three members of Sandbox line up appeared, Andy, Lennie and Will. I was still feeling half dead from last night and encountered a few problems getting things to work but managed to migrate the forum database. I didn't have the correct template and everything was broken so I have to do a bit of database munging to make it all hang together.

Now I get to do another night of file copying and trying to get the server back working again. God I feel tired I could really have done with a couple of cold beers this evening but had to keep a clear head.

This week has flown by in fact the time since I arrived home has zoomed past each day takes me away from that place where I was happy for a while. Its like Australia all over again, I was so happy for a while then the dream ended and I was back in England again, dreary cold alone bored and unhappy. These last few days I cannot shake the feeling everything is wrong there must be more than staying up late working for crappy job. I remember speaking to Endo's mate he was complaining how crap his pay is he named a figure it was 2500 more than I earn. I am smarter than him surely I should be able to do better?

Goodbye Mo

I feel somewhat like work has taken over my life recently but here it comes another work related post. Today was Mo's final day. I felt quiet sad to be honest she was one of the few people I got on well with. Morning was difficult there were a rash of small but important bug suddenly raised. I only managed to get through because I new we were going for luncheon.

The IT/IS staff and myself went out to the King William pub for a bite to eat, I had a rather tasty but totally overpriced homemade burger and chips. We all wished Mo good luck then it was back to work.

Had a distressing 30 minutes after receiving a phone call from Ian. He told me his email had failed; I checked mine and found it was down. PANIC!! Fortunately after some tense phone calls it turned out the PIX firewall had crashed one reboot and everything is back. Just shows I need to get myself in gear and get the other server sorted. Soon!

At 5pm there was a gathering to hand Mo a card and present I released somehow I missed out on the collection and card signing and felt rather small. I don't think she noticed as the present was big and the card had a lot of signatures, but its pretty stupid of me. I wished her well in her new role and went to the gym feeling like a complete twat.

I had not done a weight session since before going to Belarus and found not only couldn't I lift the same weights I couldn't even get through my program. I am going to need to take this seriously from now on.

Tonight Bruce and I spent more time setting up the lan server it is looking pretty good though we are having issues getting one of the stats services running. As usual all the preparation is at the last minute despite the fact we have had the LAN date for months. I really hope this one goes well,

Right now at 12.15 I am dialled into work trying to fix a server issues out of hours, I think I will be up for a couple of hours to come. I don't think I will be much use at work tomorrow but hopefully if I can fix this issue at least something will be running correctly.

Run to the Hills

Today was another day in paradise; the air conditioner is broken so we had to open the windows. This isn't an ideal situation when there is a busy road outside make it difficult to hear. Fortunately the smell of drains has dissipated, the air conditioner repair man says we need a new compressor so don't hold our breath waiting for a new one.

I spent another day trying to get my colleagues web service functional think I am finally there it still needs some error handling but at least it brings back figures now. It kind of annoyed me the way my colleague told myself (and everyone else) he was nearly done when in fact there was a lot of work to do. Mind you it has forced me to learn more and I think in the end it will be a good bit of code so I am staying positive.

At 4.45 and the IT boys got everyone off the system to fail over as the power was going down in our building. Power in the main building would still be operational. The switchover should have taken minutes, at 5.45 I left (15minutes late) for the failover hadn' taken place. Typical of technology really always goes wrong at the least opportune moment.

Japanese class was unbelievable the difficulty level has really ramped up. Eme was trying to teach us tenses using the days and dates we have learned over the last few weeks. It's really difficult a total departure from the way us English (and Europeans) treat grammar. They also have a fun way of shortening words, it's all very confusing I need to practise more.

I got home to find a message on my phone about work. Appaerently a controller card had failed on one of the servers which prevented fail over and they were having trouble getting services to restart. Luckly I rang back it seems that the problems had resolved and the servers will be online when I get in tomorrow. Thank goodness for that! Tomorrow is Mo's last day would be a shame not to be able to go out for lunch as planned because of a system failure.

Two comments in two days thats excellent going, lucky me. Hello Sarah, I do indeed I remember, you, very well in fact. Thanks for the feedback your most kind I only hope I can maintain your interest :) In fact Paul mentioned you and Simo in passing on the weekend.

Slam

I cut last night's post short due to the fact it was getting pretty late. Yesterday I spent the morning was spent with Paul. He played me a couple of his new songs which I enjoyed greatly. One of which was very good, almost a Thom Yorkesq dance track the other needed a bit of work but had potential. Its always great to hear Paul's songs I almost feel like I am part of the creative process feeding something back.

We played some more computer games, it's been years since I used a console system in anger it was quiet a lot of fun especially Mario kart. I remember the day I bought my Nintendo 64 with Mario 64 I think I stayed up most of the night playing!

I left about 7 and had a nightmare journey home I was going to go on the toll then realised I had no change so decided to go via Birmingham error! Lots of roadwork's complete with speed cameras very confusing and stressful at night and in the rain.

Work was a bit of a nightmare today not least because of the smell. Since the restaurant down stairs close apparently people have been clogging one of the sinks. It was full of rotting food and blocked up, a plumber cleared it but the stench was unbelievable. I also had to deal with a failure on one of the systems. I was supposed to dial in and fix tonight unfortunately my login has expired so I can't. I also got left a program which I was assure was nearly done just needed a bit of tweaking. Well I tweaked it all afternoon and it's still not working. It was productive day in that I managed to take out my frustrations at the gym rather than on people. I didn' managed to do any Japanese practise yet I will have to have a skim through at lunch tomorrow.

This evening Phil and Bruce came over and we watched episode three of Lost season three. I think that so far I have been unimpressed and this episode did nothing to rekindle my interest. Thanks to Becky for her comment, I always enjoy feedback. I still haven't found out who the anonymous person that claimed to have read the entire 2006 archive is any takers?

I felt truly rotten Saturday morning but I somehow managed to get up at 8 shower breakfast and get out by 9.20 I was on my way to Bristol. I arrived about 12.30 roadwork held me up through Birmingham but the M5 was a joy tore down it with happy abandon.

I managed to have a bit of a look round the city saw the Quay area which was very nice lots of fountains and outdoor art. I had lunch in a bar overlooking it all which was rather pleasant. I even went into the St Mary Redcliffe Church which was pretty spectacular. I think I need to do more of these trips travel around and see more of the United Kingdom I seem to know Australia better.

I didn't really fancy travelling all the way back I toyed with the Idea of staying down there however I had another idea popped into see Paul in Leamington its was a lot quicker than going all the way home. Even better I arrived in time to share Thai curry with him and Pippa. We stayed up and chatted about life played some games and watched the grudge (my advice don't bother and this was my second viewing). I played Mario Kart I had forgotten how much fun it is and how much I wanted to win (I think had Holly been there she would have been shocked at how competitive we all were).

Pippa went to bed earlier and Paul and I sat up chatting it was good to catch up we didn't really have the time to chat last week because there were so many of us out. Being at his little pad chilling out in control of things made me more determined than ever I must get my own place as much as I love my parents its doing me no good living here I rely on them and it makes me lazy and cowardly. Its also a real turn off to women they want strong independent types not mummies boys still living at home. If only I could raise that deposit!

El Condor Pasa

I have been away from my PC this weekend so apologies for the lack of posting. Ill start with Friday night and try and work chronologically forward.

Mo (the girl I work with) had her last day next Wednesday so we decided to go have a few drinks after work. There was a small irony in this as being a Muslim she dosn't drink and was fasting so couldn't even drink her coke until after Sundown at 6.08. It was actually quiet pleasant the other people from work were relaxed. After 3 pints I was a little sozzelled, Mo left and there was another group going into Manchester, I decided not to as I wanted a quiet night because of my trip to Bristol on the Saturday.

My dad was kind enough to give me a lift home, so I had some dinner and got changed sobered up. Phil called me and asked if I fancied going for a quick drink at the Rectory I said hell why not so we headed back to Wilmslow. Arriving at the Rectory to find it busy and not on top form. We had a pint and were about to leave when we bumped into Endo and his mate. Somehow things got a little hazy from here more drinks followed then more we headed to the Sam Finny more drinks followed before I knew it I was wasted making a fool of myself on the dancefloor.

Flawless

Went for a drink after work to celebrate (not sure if that is the correct term) Mo's leaving. Was a reasonable nice couple of drinks with the co workers my dad was kind enought to give me a lift home. I stayed too late though and missed out going to see a band with Jo.

My parents took the cat to the vet found out that he has an ear infection and need antibiotics. The vet did say that for such an old cat he had a really nice coat. He is asleep on my bed at the moment, poor old thing.

Yuk

My cat woke me up in the night by throwing up. Its been ill for several years with failing kidneys we take it to the vet every 6 weeks or so for a steroid injection. It is lso on a low protein diet personally I think its amazing he is still alive 19 years old has got to be a great ago for a cat.

However beeing woken up by the sound of him hacking up on my floor at 4.30am wasnt the most fun I have had this week. Fortunatly most of it landed on my British Computer Society voting forms rather than the carpet.

Yay

To help cheer myself up I have arranged to go to see Paul on the weekend. Hurrah it's always fun times with him. What with going out for Mo's leaving do tomorrow its going to be a hectic one not managed much Japanese practise yet :S

Oh Andy has come online going to help sort out his email night all.

All the things she said

Sorry for the lack of posts recently but there have been a few things at work and home that I could not publish but if I had started a blog these thoughts would have ended up on there. Things have calmed down enough for me to blog again without ending up in trouble I hope.

It's Maia' birthday today she text messaged me this morning to say the card I sent her had arrived amazing timing really, I wish I could claim I planned it to perfection it was really just luck with the post, I hope she has a good time. I don't know if its the end of the line for us I can feel we are drifting apart that bond we had whilst I was over there and talking to her on the phone her gone. She has the Italian for that now. I shall really miss the fact that someone out there needed only to hear my voice to be happy.

Work has not been good recently I have been feeling really frustrated with myself and some of the people I work with. I just feel like there is no progression for me I am simply doing the same old things everyday, I need to be improving myself rather than stagnating. In truth I am not sure what to do should I tell my boss I am unhappy with the way things are, carry on waiting for the next review starting looking for something else or start doing some courses, I am so confused!

Jono came over this evening inturupting a msn chat I was having with his sister Ali. She wants me to read some new age books about motivation and postive mental attitude. I am pretty dead set against to be honest I gave up goign too church I don' need any other qusi religion in my life. Jono then tempted me back to his place for tea and toast. I was meant to be going for a drink with Phil but he never turned up.

Fixed Mac

Another boring day of work but thanks to good feeling from the weekend I managed to get through.
Tonight I popped to the gym realising I have been very lazy and put on a few pounds and lost a bit of fitness did a 6KM run and 15 minutes of the bikes it nearly killed me but I got through.
Phil came round to help me fix my mac following a guide managed to swap out the hard disk. It was a pain needed to ask Jono as I didn't have a small enough jewlers screwdriver. I stupidly tried using a stanley knife after gonig through two blades I reliased I had to call round for help.
Have been listening to Slam by Pendulum thanks to Wooler playing it intensivly this weekend. Itunes is great sometime, mind you the album costs 9.95 on itunes but you can buy the CD for 7.99 from HMV online.

The Departed

After getting back from Andy's I spent the afternoon reading finished off Wizard and Glasss I think its the worst one of the dark tower series so far though it does provide a lot of depth to Roland's character
Went to see the Departed tonight with Phil, its a pretty good thought completly butal film. It was a typical mob film given an Irish twist set in Boston the action follows Boston Irish kingpin Frank Costello he has his fingers in every pie including the police force. Against this raw recruit Billy Costigan a kid with a family history tied up with the mob play goes undercover to get to inside Costellos organisation. PLenty of twist and turns follow. The action is brutal it reminded me of the gritty reality of a history of violence. It is well filmed and acted, definatly worth a watch as long as you like dark ganster films and can stand the slow pace and length (about 2.5 hours).

Trains to Brazil

Paul had come up from Leamington for the weekend and was staying with Woller. So last night I went out "with the boys" in Macclesfield. Jo Berger Riginhi also came out with us though they left earlier.

Everybody was in high spirits and after a few games or Mario Cart we stomped down to the Flowerpot for a warm up drinks. Jokes were told beer was drunk then another walk into the town.

Next stop was Weatherspoons more banter jokes and oggling on the local talent followed. I wish I could remember the jokes but mostly I just remember laughing a lot. I do remember that the bar was stupidly busy so we were forced to double up our drinks.

Leaving the Weatherpoons several pints heavier but one member lighter Righni had to catch a train, we stoped for a quick drink in a couple of places before taking the plunge and heading to Chicago Rock. Not my favoirte venue but hey after a few drinks and with a brillent £10 for entrie and 7 count them drinks it was fun. I even had a bit of a dance.

Grabbed a kebab and ended up back at wollers. On the way into his hous ehe managed to set the alarm off then put his music on full blast I am sure his neighbours wanted to listen to pendulum at 3 am.

I managed to be drunk enough to wack hell out of Wollers punch bag I have no idea why it seemed like a fun thing to do at the time.

Dungens and dragons

These are interesting times for sure, I haven't seen Phil all week since the Birmingham job he seemed very happy got something else line up.
Today was a nightmare for me thanks for someone leaving I got moved to another desk overlooked by the entire department coupled with a micro managing boss I don't thing I will last long.

I have spent the day doing the most boring task editing an excel document documenting fields there's are well over 2000 of them each taking a minute of so, it going to take a long time. Did I really study for a degree to edit excel spending my life doing the least meaningful tasks?

Tonight chatted to miss ??? reviled far too much as is my nature I am sure I will have scared her away despite her thoughts to the contrary.

I found myself at the unicorn Claire was there she looked fatter and less appealing than ever compared to Maia she was nothing I wonder if I will feel this way about Maia? Is this moving on? Why did it take so long did I not want to?

A weird episode happened to us this evening on arrival we [Phil and I] were sat near to a group of loud people. Eventually one guy came over to talk about the nature of existence and a girl came over to tell Phil he is a wizard and need to be open minded. It was weird hearing Phil drawn into thing I hope I am not that malleable, Personally I find any religion ever Wicca to be counter to my view but it sure sparked some debate.

I can't get Maia out of my head its the question that haunts me "would things have been different if I met her first?" its an insane track of though pointless and meaningless its happened I just need to deal with it and move on but somehow its impossible. I want her so much how was it I kept quiet why I hide my feelings am I a coward or a hero?

I know miss ??? thinks I am a loser did I damn myself twice? With the same words?

It must be nice to believe in something it's been a long time since I have had any touchstone,

Go Back

One of the people I have worked with since day one handed in her notice today. It won't be the same without her there will be no-one to make the tea for starters! No seriously she has been a pleasure to work with it will leave a big gap in the office space; I hope her new employ will work out best of luck.

My day went alright got a massive and tedious data mapping exercise to do. Also been working on a new print routine means less work for people I didn't ask what would happen to the people that had been doing the work. I find that it is better not to ask. After all I did not make the choice nor could I change it.

Tonight I stayed in I have been trying to save some money I have another holiday (any ideas where to go?) coming up and I haven't paid off the last one yet!

It was quiet nice to relax to be honest sitting reading with the cat sat on my lap, chatting to a few people on the net build up my strength for a raucous time in Macclesfield this weekend. Paul is coming up and staying with Matt Woller so Macc is the place to party.

Rock on!

Big Brother

I think I managed to scare Paul today. He happened to be looking at my photo gallery at the same time I was checking the stat pages. I texted him and asked whether he had enjoyed the photos. An immediate text back reviled his surprise. Before you all shutdown and never return I cant actually find out who is viewing the site only make educated guesses I can see the host the ISP and the geographic location (I put a link in however it was broken if you want to see the map click here and select show visitor map). I can think of only one person in the Midland's who would spend hours looking through my website. From what I can see there are two or three Londoner's I guess that is probably Emily, Pippa and Another but who knows.

Talking of Paul he turned me onto the Easy All Stars Reggae version of OK Computer I heard one song then bought the album and I am not disappointed so chilled and well done completely respectful to the original concept yet sounds fresh and new, excellent!

Work was actually quiet civil for a change looks like we might actually get something live this century, in fact the only annoyance was from someone through email badgering me. I do wish he would concentrate on his own work instead of mithering me.

Big in Japan

Today I managed to get something Live hurrah, only a small prog but at least I am finally managing to get some changes through the system. I even did accompanying the paperwork. I there is something good about actually solving a problem even if noone pats me on the back I still get a sense of achievement.

Afterwork I had my third (actually the fifth thanks to the lessons I missed whilst I was in Belarus). Today we practised some more Katakana a few of the symbols are starting to come to me but its only the tip of the iceberg this is in the main the anglified version (with some German French and other lanagues thrown in for fun). Also learned the days of the week oh and I am looking for a Kana keyboard anyone know where I can buy one?

Tonight wathced Clerks II it was pretty funny nowhere as near as biting social commentary as the first movie I especially missed the little customers asides from the first movie. I also felt some of Hicks rants were a little over done, however its was a funny movie well worht a watch as long as you don't mind swearing or sexual themes ;)

I feel a bit more chilled out today perhaps it was the success at work perhaps I am just having a good day this evening I feel better in my mind than I have done in a long time. Had a few people message me randomly from myspace and ICQ recently a few even seem like nice people which is always nice perhaps I am due for an upturn in fortunes, well I can hope right ;)

There is nothing like emptying a cartrige at the sun!

Several worring things from Netdoctor. I took some of the quizzes apparently I am depressed and possibliy an alcoholic, no surpirses there then. Worse though is the fact I should have had vaccinations before going to Belarus I didn't though. Hopefully I am fine on symptoms other than this never ending cold but I had that before I left.
I am sure I will survive its one of the things I seem to be good at so far. Someone asked me about the titles of the posts where it was some clever joke, unfortunatly not there is nothing very deep about it. I found I wasn't very imaginative about title so I started to choose the title or lyrics of a sing I am listening to whilst writing it, for example this post has a lyric from Regina Spektor Uhmerica. Most are pretty obvious but some are quiet obscure.

Right I am going to read the last chapter of the waste lands beofre I sleep, night night.

Happy reading!

I want more

I can't stop thinking about Maia see her in my dreams, she's always on my mind hiding in corners seeing false images memories intruding into my mind whilst I run round the track. How long will these feelings last how much can I stand. Rationally nothing ever happened never will but somehow the idea the dream if you will just wont fade at least not yet. I guess whats perverse is that I cant even talk to her about my feelings I made the choice and I have to live with it.

Meanwhile normal life continues, went to work today my boss made an appearance. He had meetings the client all morning. After lunch I chauffeured him to the new office. Its a pretty nice modern building was random to walk in and see M C and my dad sat in an office together. After a bit of a chat I gave Martin a lift back to the Airport and headed back to the clients. I heard more promises of a change to other more exciting projects but after what happened last time I think I will reserve judgement for the time being. Managed (I think to get one bug fixed) then it was home time.

Went to the gym in the hope that exercise would help rid some of my daemons, it worked a little I feel better for going though I am terribly unfit 5KM on the track nearly finished me off I'm sure I used to be able to do it faster and do a weights session afterwards. After the run I spent 25 minutes on the X-trainer then did some abdominals work I was covered in sweat and thoroughly exhausted by the time I hit the shower. I now weigh 83kg 5kg less though I fear that might in the most part be loss of muscle mass rather than fat. I think I need to get back into the weights.

How to replace a hard drive

Found out how to swap out the hard disk on my powerbook. Looks difficult but I might give it a try after the gym tonight.

Good Times Bad Times

Lulu received the card / present I sent her finally, I don't think she was impressed by the Russian doll. In fact she had no idea it was a popular Russian symbol however she was as ever most polite, think the card went down better she didn't even criticize my poor attempts at Chinese symbols. I must have practised 10 times before I wrote out the card but I still found it impossible.

Got a small moral dilemma, I have kept in touch with Paul's ex Lisa and she invited me to a party in London. I spoke to Paul about it and he was completely cool. Typically though I still some reservations fortunately I think Phil is going to come with me which should make everything cool as even if it turns out I don't have anything in common with anyone (a frequent fear of mine). Should be a fun trip out get the train there have a few drinks meet some new people catch up with Lisa, we had some fun times out in Australia so I have a good feeling. There was one spectre of a problem though on seeing a link to my blog she had a similar reaction to a girl I was kind of seeing some time back, P took one look on my blog had a total rant about how could I put my feelings online to the world I am a weirdo and I never heard from her again. Anne wasn't quiet as bad she simple said "I advise you not to".

Spent most of today chilling out I felt incredibly tired finished reading "The Waste Lands" It was a pretty good read King is a master of misdirection keeps you interested in the whys and wherefores.

Managed to make it to the gym for cardio session I found it incredibly hard to get there and harder still to make it through an hour of cardio but by the end as usual I felt much the better for it.

Spent some time today speaking to another Belarusian girl. Her name is Anna and she is currently on work experience in Bristol from her studies in Berlin. Se was most incensed I referred to a Russian village and not Belarusian one. So I went through and made some amendments. She did sent me some wonderful pictures of her home town and tell me a few more stories which was really nice. ICQ can be a wonderful medium sometimes.

Talking of why caught the first episode of the third of Lost, arghh nothing answered just more questions and only 3 characters its going to be another long but enjoyable series.

This evening watched a film Thank you for not smoking which a truly brilliant film dark funny and original. Well worth a watch whether you're a smoker or not it puts a different perspective on the debates. Part of the film is about the character that is the face for big tobacco Nick, he is an unashamed capitalist.

Out of Routine

I was a bit unhappy tired and drunk the other night, I contemplated deleting the post but given that statcounter shows quiet a few people have already read it I might as well it. To be honest some of the sentiment is true I spent six months cultivating an insane relationship with a girl in another country only to have it fail. I guess I should take away the good times I have had and move on try to find happiness closer to home.

I feel exhausted this morning building the internet cafe was a lot harder than we imagined. A series of last minute problems meant that although by 2 O'Clock we thought we were nearly finished, we didn't actually leave the ICC until 8:30pm. Then went for a curry courtesy of Jim then Bruce drove back to Manchester arrived about 12:30 I felt very tired went to bed.

Internet Cafe

Today set up an internet cafe in the Birmingham ICC, starting at 8am Loading the car at Phil's house. I am actually sending this post from one of the internet computers here. Apologies for the poor quality photos but they were taken on my phone.
We had a few last minute problems and ended up having to rebuild the Smoothwall box, it normally runs headless and we didn't have a monitor so we had to borrow the plamsa screen from one of the displays.

Obsessions

Recently I have had too obsessions both must end. Its time for a new me to emerge, once a long time ago Bruce said to me "I went away and when I returned it was like meeting John Version 2". Bruce was refering to the change in me caused by meeting Jenny, well today I think its time for another new version. I hit an impasse today I wrote a long message to Maia basically asking her how could she haved loved Mattius aka plastic fantastic and not me. Could ever be the one?

Then I realised I have already let her go, already admitted to myself she loved someone else. If thats true all other questions are irrelivent so why ask. only to torture myself. It is time to move on to forget to remember the good and forget everything else. Maia showed my something that I could feel more, that I could meet someone who made me feel that I was whole. Her life has been far harder than mine I have to right to ask anything of her she showed me more kindness than most.

So now I am John version 3 tring to find a new path, I need to change remember those happy feelings and not settle for less (I dont think inm my heart I can anymore). Tonight I went for a quiz with work, we came 4th its finishing at 9 I walked home stopping off for a few more drinks and realisation started to dawn. I have to give up I cant waste my life longing for the impossible I need to take the good bits and move on. I will be 27 in November once upon a time I talked about having kids before I was 30 I doubt that now perhaps thats a life not for me I no longer know. All I do no is I cannot go on dreaming I need to push ahead start going back to the gym start feeling happy and positive remember the fun times and forget this darkness that I feel I am drowning in.

This is probably all drivel I am a little drunk and nonsensical. Tomorrow I am going to help Phil build at internet cafe hopefully it will help take my mind off everything.

Mooncakes

Lulu is back off her trip just caught her I as turned on my pc before work. She was telling me about some of the things she saw including the grave of an ancient king from the Zhuo dynasty in it were buried horses and chariots. It is said only the king could have six-horse chariot
She told me it was moon fesival time and that reminded me back to the frist SMS message I received from China (form her) it feels like yesterday but it was years ago.

I cant wiat for Shanghai it should be out of this world.

Nice to be out

Work was a lot better today I took the initiative and moved onto something different, handed one of my problems to a senior collegue who kind of agreed with me so we might be able to get somewhere now.

Most amusing thing today was watching (for the first time in two years) a traffic warden coming round Wilmslow ticketing all the people parked illegally, unlucky people in overpriced 4x4 parked illegally.

Saw a great tagline today For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.. I think I've seen it before but still made me chuckle.
Wimped out of the gym and given I am going to a works quiz night tomorrow and out to Birmingham on Saturday wont get another chance until Sunday lazy me.

The picture of me hugging a bear finally arrived from Belarus, its really funny Maia looks terrified!

Fast as you can

Felt very de-motivated at work today, our compitors were in a bullish mood laughing and joking with the management. I was left with a problem which I couldnt get to the bottom of I feel like my skills are wasting not improving and I am not sure what I can do about it. The lack of management leadership and training coupled with growing disquite from the customer have conspired to destroy my confidence and motivation.

To counter this blackness I managed to get back to the gym only did a cardio session 45minutes jogging and 15 minutes on the bike it was increadibly hard work I dont know if its the break or the illness I had whilst I was away in Belarus. Hopefully I will quickly manage to get back into the swing. It was important to go just to get back it took a lot of effort because I knew it would be hard. The gym hasn't changed at all the smells, the vaugly familer people I have seen so many times and yet never spoken to, the vague feeling of unreality of running round the track, travelling without moving almost.

Tonight I have been working with Bruce trying to get the new webserver going its proving slightly difficult because we want it to be a lot better st up than the last one. In the end gave up and went to the pub try again another day.

Alone In Kyoto

Japanese class was pretty damn difficult, I missed the last two lessons and dispite my efforts to keep up I am finding it very difficult to learn the Katakana alphabet. I guess I also found it hard to learn the English alphabet as a kid too I remember hours of writing practise not like my hand writing ever got particuarly good. I am determined to carry on and improve though I am totally fed up of being a typical ignorent Englishman incapable of speaking another langague.

Finally got hold of the special cable for doing the sever it cost £20 plus shipping dispite being the crappest flimsyest thing I have seen it is good enough to get the server up and running so hopefully in the next couple of weeks I can migrate all the websites to a better faster computer. I also found I needed IBMs special server administration disk to set up the RAID controller, a bit annoying as it meant downloading 600MB just to change two settings!

Also on computer front finally got my replacement battery from Apple so hopefully I wont go up in smoke now!

I need to get back to the gym I haven't been since before I left for Belarus and since I got back I felt ill then tired but its no use I need to get back into it or Ill get fat(er). Think Ill pack my gym bag and go after work do some cardio to help get back into the swing of things.

World of Work

Dispite passing out and throwing up in front of my boss somehow my dad managed to secure a part time job with my company. Fortunatly we dont have to work together for the forseeable to be honest I seriously doubt I will ever work on any other project again.

Its good for him to get some work to me it was a sign of how messed up the world is that someone so intellegnet can be left on the sidelines. It was a strange feeling though hearing him talking about my collegues he met and will be working with. About some of the work I have discussed or heard being discuessed. For the moment I guess Ill just have to reserve judgment and hope he enjoys it.

I have Japanese class tonight I am a little bit worried having missed the last two ones I went through the notes with Phil and hopefully I will be able to pick up what I have missed. I was chatting to some random Lituanian girl last night she seemed to think Japanese was the most pointless langauge to learn, I disagree its still the worlds second largest economy and culturally interesting place. Plus if I can learn Japanese I can learn any language.

I wish my parents would finish up decoating already its been over 6 mnoths since I have a lounge or a tv we can use the heating because there are so many radiators disconnected and its getting colder here.

How to dismantle an atomic bomb

Just in case you are ever in a situation in which you need to dismantle and atomic bomb

A quiet drink with Ian

Clearly there is no such thing, as a quiet drink when Ian is involved. Sunday night and Ian tempts me out. Instead of being smart, taking it easy and getting to bed I drank sambuka beer vodka.
It was actually quiet fun but I feel like I could die this morning.

Have a cigar

I am listening to Pink Floyd whilst I do a few little bits to my site I have been meaning to do forever but never got around to. Firstly I have tried to move all the older photo galleries so everything is in coppermine rather than in the old web gen albums I used to use. Its incredibly tedious but it is weird to see some of the old photos I have my camera for 4 years now quiet weird I remember so vividly the excitment of buying it I have wnated one for so long. Now its old and I am usually slightly ashamed at how big and clunky it looks but regardless I have taken some great shots.

Last night I went round to Bergers house to play monopoly and drink beer. As usual I felt like I was being constantly analysed by Holly, I also feel that she draws far too many conclusion quickly. Yes I like games I get excited to win does that say a lot about me? I think not really competition is natural in a darwinian being such as we are does it say something deep about my soul I am sure you could drawn a lot of conclusion some true some not the trouble with people is dispite all we know we are unpredicatble things at the best of times.

I miss Maia terribly miss the ability to sit and chat for hours to feel totally at peace. Her ability to keep me completly abosrbed whilst she talked, I wonder constantly what would have happened if things had been different if I had gone out to see her sooner? Would I be like her Italian is to her now? Or did we get on so well because I didnt push a romantic connection. Of course its impossible to know and I can only drive myself insane with the questioning. I need to forget and move on stop chasing such impossible and idealised dreams.

Lethargy

Since arriving back in the UK I feel like I have been in a daze. I still have a virus and I haven't been able to sleep well, too much on my mind maybe?

Last night I stayed in and watched some movies (Syriana very good and Clerks excellent). Phil joined me, we sat watching films drinking vodka and juice. Then chatted about life love and our lives I'm sure it was quiet deep only I cant remember due to excess alcohol consumption.

Today I tried to catch up on my Japanese easier said than done, I need to learn the whole Katakana alphabet. Katakana is the Japanese alphabet use to write foreign words its the easiest of Japans three alphabets. To learn it for Tuesday is a bit ask, but after missing two lessons I feel I need to put a lot of effort in to get back to speed.

Martin popped over he has bought himself a Jeep Cheroke 4x4 its big black and very very Martin! He took me out for a ride in it. The ride was very comfortable and it certainly has all mod cons. I can see why he likes it, I still think I would prefer a sports car though.

I'm off round to Jo B's hours to play monopoly and drink beer what a rock and roll lifestyle I lead.

Leaving Minsk Behind

The days had flown by I woke up early a little hung over from last night, but the worst feeling was the trip being nearly over. I went down to breakfast many thoughts whirling around my head.

I met Maia early so I could grab some presents for the folks back home, I felt a little hung over from the night before and worried about leaving.

We went to the market and I bought some Matryoshka (Russian Dolls) for my parents Phil Bruce and everyone. We went for a final coffee in London (a nice little coffee bar) and walked back to the hotel I found it hard to speak there was so much I wanted to say but it all ended up unsaid. I checked out and we rode into a taxi she joined me till the edge of the city where her home is.

I hugged her goodby a tear in my eye, she got out and I watched her walk away as the taxi sped off. Another couple of hours I was flying out of Belarus back to warsaw a five hour wait for a plain to the UK. I ended up having to throw away the $6 Vodka I bought but managed to bring Ian some cheap fags (only $16).

On the plain home the first song that came on my i-pod was one of Paul's "Until Your Home" one lyric stood out to me "it aint a lonely life if you find somebody right" I couldn't help feeling maybe I had but I was leaving her behind.

I'll never forget my holiday to a country where people earn $100 a month, worry about going hungry not about what car they drive.
The cleanest country I have ever seen with its huge streets, imposing structures, military on the streets, strange laws with friendly people, but no English.

Minsk - Day Seven

Last full day in Belarus tomorrow I would be heading back home, I felt pretty sad to be soon leaving time had seemingly flown by since my arrival last Tuesday.
Maia had a lecture in the morning so I went to look around the Great Patritic war monument near to my hotel. I met her at noon and we decided to try and head to the village again as the weather was good, buying some break cheese and ham from the supermarket to have as a picnic we hoped in a taxi and 25 minutes later arrived at the village.

Only one small issue it was closed, Monday is the day when lots of things like the market and the village were closed, oh well third time unlucky. As we already had the food we got back into the taxi headed back to the city and into a different park for a picnic lunch. We even fed the ducks with the crumbs, there werent any Swans though.

Emotions were high and we chatted for hour Maia told me so much about herself and her life I felt so close to her in these moment I just wanted to reach out to her but then part of what she was telling me was the love for her boyfriend so I just sat listened and told some of my stories.

In the evening we went out to the same bar from the first night, I ate caviar for the first time, it was pretty tasty thought a little salty. Guila and Andre met us for a couple of drinks even though they were both feeling ill, very good of them. A Croation friend of Maia's also joined us for a drink.
In the taxi home I hekd her hand and wondered how I could leave this person to whom I had become so close to behind.

Dacha - Day 6

I slept pretty well must have been the vodka, though Maia did keep me awake a while constantly texting her Italian man.
Breakfast was a salami and cheese toasty, very tasty, Maia and I were up hours before Andre and Guila slept in a bit. Maia and I cleared up the Datcha and chatted a little. It was a day to move slow, enjoy the sun pack up and head out for the bus.

We managed to catch an auto taxi on the way back it was actually slightly cheaper though it dropped us off on the outskirts of town. Maia and I said goodbye to Andre and Guila and walked off in search of the city proper.

Walking for miles past though city kind of lost but having a snese of purpose we finally came to a place Maia recognised (it had a McDonalds of all things!). We then headed to the library passing the Childrens railway station on the way; a mini railway run by children. Finally we reached the library again I was itching to take some photos, last time my camera had run out of juice.

Maia was dead tired so I grabbed a taxi and went back to the hotel, going to the Datcha and meeting her friends had been a real treat. The Datcha was one of the most peaceful places I have ever been to out in the country surrounded by forest and fields. This was definatly a high point of the trip.

I used this evening to finally finish war and peace! Hurrah I dont think I have ever had to work so hard to finish a book, the characters are so well done but some of the descriptions and Tolstoys historical pespectives can be so dry and difficult bits were a real challenge.

Dacha - Day 5

Today was the earliest meeting for myself and Maia, though she had a problem and was a little late we had to grab a taxi to get to the bus station on time.
The bus station was my first opportunity to meet Maia's friend Gulia's and her boyfriend Andre. We then had a very crowded bus journey out into the wild of Belarus during which I gave up my seat to an old chap and then was shouted at in Russian by some old women. Guila and Maia were laughing becuase they shouted in Russian but I knew that they wanted me to go take a seat.
The auto bus took about 45 minutes to get to our stop we then had a three kilometer walk to the Dacha itself.

On arrival Maia went into cleaning mode whilst I attempted to help Andre chop some wood,. I am afriad I wasnt a very good lumberman. Luckly Andre was excellent splitting the logs seemingly effortlessly.

Maia and her family have tended to leave all there old clothes at the Dacha. So she had me try on some of her dads old clothes including his tank ommander coat.

Lunch consisted of Maia tasty home made Ravioli and vegitables. It was really nice and afterwards we sat out chatting in the garden for a while, cut a bit more wood, then I helped Maia do dinner by pealing loads of potatoes.

Andre cooked the meat on the bbq whilst Maia made the potatoes and salad, I got to light the Camin (fire) and stop the cabin burning down as it spat out sparks!
Dinner was lovely hot pork nice potatoes and even some home grown tomatoes. After dinner Andre adn Guila entertained us by singing songs (unfortunatly all in Russian or French but they sounded good he played very well).

Whilst he played we drank first beer then vodka, apparently the way to drink vodka is to have a small glass of vodka neat and a glass of juice (or beer if your hardcore). Drink the vodka in one then sip the juice (and pour another vodka).

Minsk - Day Four

Friday already the week was flying by, after a good night sleep I was feeling better but still not back to full health (In truth now back in the UK I still cant shake this nasty virus). The plan today was to try and visit the traditional village we were origonally meant to goto yesterday. However I was Running short of cash and needed to change some travellers cheuqes. Our first mistake was to jump onto the first passing auto taxi (kind of like a private bus) which dropped us off on futher out of the city.

There was only one back here a large Belarus Bank, which turned out to be well a little bit of a problem. First thing this largest bank was busy and operated a rather confusing ticket system thought this wasnt in any way clear even to Maia. WHen we finally got our number called the cashere seemed very confused she had never seen either travellers cheques or a european style passport, It took over an hour to explain, wait and finally recieve my cash (minus 1% unlike Minsk Transit Bank which took nothing). All told finding a bank and waiting for the cash took so long we decied to leave the village trip as Maias friend Anton a DJ on radio BA wanted me to record some English jingles for him.

Radio BA is located above a club Anton gave me a guided tour of the place he seemed like a really fun guy I could see why Maia likes him so much. noticed he was running Mac OSX on a beige box pc ;) After the tour I got ushered into a little sound booth and had to read off a list of phrases for the show punctuated by Anton asking for more emotion or extra emphasis on words. I still hd a cold so I am not sure whether they eventual sounds will be good enough to use but it was fun anyway. It was a pretty strange feeling to stand in a room reading into a microphone.

Maia had booked tickets to see a film (in English fortunatly). At first I thought it was a pretty ordinatry thing to do however Russian cinemas are a bit different, firstly it was the cleanest cinema I have ever been into but some considrerable margin. Secondly there were no popcorn not drinks vending just a screen and a chair.
The film itself Tideland was about Jeliza-Rose the daughter of a drug addicted father who moves to the country after an overdose leads death of her mother. It was incredibly dark but told through her childlike observations to take some of the egde off. Maia squirmed her way through several sections of the film.

After the film we grabbed some dinner and then did some late night shopping for our weekend at the Dacha. Shopping was a real eye opener the supermarker was very different to a English one. You had to pay for meat at the meat counter they wouldnt slice anything for us. We bought vodka, beer, tomatoes, meat, bread and some other bits and pieces.

Another early night in preperation for the Dacha tomorrow.

Minsk - Day Three

The origonal plan for Thursday had been to set off to see a traditional Belarusian village, kind of like an open air musium to traditional peasent life. Unfortunatly I was still feeling out of sorts and the weather didnt look too promising. So we decided to stay inside the city and explor some more.

First place we visited was a Russian market there was a lot of artwork icons and dolls. Next stop was the musium of the great patriotic war (WWW II to you and me). The musium like a lot of places in Belarus there is a different price for residents than for tourists.

The first thing to notice is that the Russians date the war from 41-45 not 39-45 as we westerners do because Hitler and Stalin signed a non agression pact which Hitler promptly broke in 1941.
Belarus had it pretty hard the Nazis did not like Communists and totally flattered Minsk and attempted to exterminate as many of its people as possible (probably about 1million people). Their hatred was directed mainly at the non airian population they wanted to save the nordic looking to help futher the master race. All in all it walking about I saw the Russians have a very different war then the one fought in the west.

After the musium went for a bite to eat then off for a look round the Botanical gardens, I was a bit heistant but actully enjoyed strolling around with Maia. We sat for a long time next to the lake there watching the Swans and chatting about things.

On the way out we went the wrong way and found ourselves in the amusement park next door. I found out that Pancakes with filings are a common (and tasty) Belarusian meal. Maia insited on feeding me more medication including rather disgusting cough syrup. Watching the Russian school children file through the park I could have been anywhere in the wetern world on the terrible russian techno pumping from one of the cafes reminded me I was in Belarus.

We made a quiet trip to the bus station to buy the tickets for the Dacha trip and I got a chance to see the Belarus staggering national library. Its simply increadible, ugly and imposing over the ladnscape it boggles the mind as to why! Dispite being a university professor and having had to make a donation towards it Maia had never been inside. Seems like a giant waste of money to me.

Thanks to the fact I was still feeling ill and wanted to get well in time for the weekend trip to Maia Dacha after grabbing a coffee I headed back to the hotel for an early night.

Minsk Photos

Belarus Photo Gallery

Minsk - Day Two

I woke up feeling terrible, not just from the drinking last night that was just the tip of the iceberg. The cold and sore throat I had felt on yesterday was now much worse, I was running a temperature my throat felt sore. I was generally feeling sorry for myself. Maia was working in the moring and though I had intended to sleep in I couldn't stay in my room. I needed to get out and see something so I walked round the old town and the river to kill time whilst Maia was lecturing; She is a lecturer of Italian at the univeristy.

Fortunatly when she arrived Maia came to my resque again she pumped me full of Russian medication (available over the counter nothing dodgy!). We spent the afternoon mooching about Minsk various parks and looking at some of the buildings there. It was really a day of exploration Minsk is phonominally different to any city I have been to before. Totally demolished after WWII the Soviets rebuilt it making the roads three times as wide, huge pavements and massive parks so big that whilst in the city allow you to feel like your in the country, yet are still stood right in the centre. I forget the names but we saw quiet a few.

One of the parks was a park dedicated to Kids in which Maia couldn't smoke but one great thing we could do was go on some rides. Now I felt pretty ill and these were Belarussian rides they didnt look particuarly well maintained but what the hell nothing ventured so we went on a couple. Maia screemed on the teacups, but that was nothing compared to one Belarussian girl who was so afraid she clung to a nearby tree rather than get on a spinning ride! Her friend and the attendant laughed loudly at her but she didnt budge until the ride was over.

After an afternoon of wondering we went to the Circus which was really good fun. I have never been to a circus before this one wasnt the standard Minsk one but a travelling Russian show from Moscow. They had clowns, dancers, trapez artists bears, and even trained dogs. It was really good fun I am glad Maia took me, I even managed to get a photo of myself with a bear. Ill scan it in when it arrives Maia txted me this morning to say she had recieved and forwarded it on. To be honest the treatment of the bears was not very good certainly the dogs got treated a lot better I felt very sorry for them though I enjoyed seeing them.

Note to the anonymous poster

Many thanks for the comment I am really pleased you enjoyed reading my blog.

Minsk - Day one

Waking up has never come easy for me, so having to wake up at 4am to catch a 6am flight was hard, very hard.

To be honest I was totally afraid. I wasn't sure what to expect, I guy from the travel company was ment to meet me at Minsk 2 airport other than that I was on my own. The journey to Warsaw passed in a sleepy trance and after an hours wait I was on my way to Belarus. It was only a hours flight which passed pretty quick though I did get a little worried that the pilot annonced we were about to land and all I could see were trees no airport or civilisaion at all. Minsk 2 aiport was the pits, it was really hard to understand where to go as there were no signs and you arrive into the departure lounge and have to march down a different set of stairs, if you got the wrong way scary looking Russian people shout at you. I know becoause I was one of the first (there were not many of us) off the plain and not knowing where to go went wrong.

Passport control was harsh it seemed to take forever I dont know what the women was doing but it seemed important she took many long hard looks at me asked somenthing in Russian seemed very upset I didn't understand and answered in English. After about 10 minutes I was let thought only to have to go through a security point to leave the airport! Then one of the best moments of the trip after all the worry over whether she would turn up my friend Maia was waiting for me in the arrivals lounge. along with Alex from the travel company.

Alex drove the 40km to Minsk dropped us off at the hotel. Maia and I then went walking about the city. She showed me the old town and Afgahanistan memorial. Its a memorial to the mothers of soldiers lost in the Afgahnistan war, its a favorite stop for newly weds to put down some flowers and to touch one of the statues, we even saw one newly married couple heading there. I was like a kid wowed by all the different sights around me. Riding along an almost empty motorway passing forest and villages totally unlike anything I have seen before.

In the evening we went out to a bar I got rather drunk on Russian beer and listened to a rather strnage cover band, there were good musicians but had a tendancy to play a really uptempo song followed by a real downer! Strange Strange Strange!

From (Bela)Russia With Love

For all of you that care I made it back from my trip, and had an excellent time to boot I will be posting the details and some photos soon keep posted.