Sunday, October 29, 2006

I want to do something stupid

Just got back from a gym session my body is totally tired Just like the other day I had to tone down all my weights and even go for a couple of walks in between some of the more taxing sets. It is amazing that in only just over a month of not doing weights how much power I have lost, so difficult to build up so easy to lose!

What is normally a euphoric experience was partially messed up but the thoughts running around my head. I kept thinking about Maia how can she have forgotten me, why can't I forget and get a clear head? A question haunts me, "why does no one love me"? Maia fell for some German weirdo before the Italian, my god he was into taking photos of his Barbie dolls! What the heck as the Italian chap got that I haven't except a tan and a pass to Italy. So the stupid thing I want to do is phone her demand to know why! However that is about the worst idea ever so instead I will try and forget.

Further thoughts have been troubling me. I have known at least three girls who after finding out I still lived at home suddenly lost interest. I don't know if its lucky escapes from gold diggers or women just want to find someone who is master of their own destiny and can take care of themselves.

I need to break out of this I felt so good a couple of weeks ago yet is often seems like everything wants to drag me down. Problems at work, and women; especially when they seem keen one moment and then not so. Not no one where I am going or what to do next weekend I have two extra days off I was planning to go to Prague. I loved Prague but part of the reason to go was to visit a girl I know there. Not quiet the same situation as Maia, I met Kelly in Manchester we went out for a drink had a good time but since we have only talked sporadically, I talked about going to visit her after getting back from Belarus but since we have been pretty distant so its probably (almost certainly) a stupid idea, anyway I need to move on not retry past mistakes. Instead I am going to go see something in the UK where I am not 100% sure yet hopefully it will prove to be a fun adventure.

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