Why? Well this is probably my most played Beatles track, I know its not a Lennon McCartney, but then that’s part of the fun its different and it makes me happy, I always Imagine some redneck American when I hear the lyrics, when I hold you in my arms and I fell my finger on your trigger it speaks to me about the differences between the UK and the US, silly but reassuring.
I have tried to be more positive the past few days been really dark recently far too much pain for me to take its been hard trying o focus on things that make me happy, exercise I guess self improvement, going for a run always seem to help thought I find it hard to take the first step.
Today I helped Nina move out of her flat, wasn’t too hard really just helped Bruce move a couple of heavy things downstairs to the car then into Nina’s lockup. Personally I don't really understand the whole storage Ideal in my world you need something or your don't and if you don’t then you bin or sell it no pay 16 / week to store it. However I guess sentimental and practical takes over on some level so it’s stored for when it’s needed.
Fridays, was very naughty this evening and had a meal at Fridays, I didn’t do a Bruce he ordered the biggest burger on the menu but I did eat enough, looks like I will never lose weight unless I really learn some new displace.
Tonight I went to see Sandbox at the Academy 3 and they were excellent the best I have seen them for ages, confident and exuberant, their rendition of slades merry Xmas was an excellent finish to a year that has seen them grow and change. Unfortunately, due to a number of factors including the number of people their and the amount I drank I didn't really feel at home after show. I guess I will always be more of a flanboy than a mate o the musical set, I mean really what could I possibly bring to the show. Andy did manage to hit me in the face with his drumstick though that was slightly painful!
Dan, Phil and Bruce wanted to get off, I kind of would have like to stay around there seemed to be a few pretty chicks including one really nice blond girl I would have loved to have met but I guess it wasn’t to be, it never is.
Bruce was drunk I think one of the few times I have seen him drink and enjoy himself; he was really having a go at Danny which was quite funny. Danny was in a funny mood continuing his messy split from Lyn and beyond I find it very hard to connect with him anymore I have always put substance before style and he is very much the inverse, this seems to have been accelerating in recent times. I guess this is what happens friends growing apart lives changing tack.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
My name is modesty
The title of today's weblog is a film this one sponsored by Quentin Tarentino. I went to blockbuster and yet again all the copies of crash were rented out so rented this instead. Not a bad film quit clever but clearly low budget Not sure how Tarentino got his name on there I guess he is sponsoring it somehow. It was a pretty decent budget film if a little short of on action.
Not really done much today went to Andy&s to pick up tickets, always a treat seeing those guys they are a lot different to most of my other friends and Emily reminds me a lot of being at university surrounded by clever people always only minutes away from an interesting conversation with someone with a view of things.
I am avoiding talking about my depression, god I have felt down the last couple of days, been really moaning to a couple of people thanks for your support you know who you are. I don’t know what it is but I really feel low, like everything i crashing down on me. Maybe not crashing down, more that I hold an idea of a good man, and he is but a shadow someone I will never be. So far today I have moaned onto Liz, Salma, Mel, Phil and Lulu. In fact I am talking to Lulu as I write this.
Why am I so sad, there lot of good in my life? Yet through it all I feel I am doing too little, too much playing games too little trying to improve. I should spend my time more productively instead I play games and mess about. Yet thought I struggle to change little happens what happened to the man so full of promise, once I felt I could do anything now I cant even solve simple problems at work without help.
Today I talked to lulu about the Korean war, after she was telling me about the North Korean TV she likes. I explained how it how it changed the world leading the the Truman doctrine of opposition to Communism everywhere in the world. Also General MacArthur's Idea that nuclear weapons should be used against China I also found on Wikipedia that more napalm was dropped on North Korea despite the fact the war was shorter. Atrocities on both sides the Americans blindly killing anyone who moved and the Chinese torturing people. I am glad (Iraq war aside) I don't live in an age of war I am not sure how I could face such a situation.
Not really done much today went to Andy&s to pick up tickets, always a treat seeing those guys they are a lot different to most of my other friends and Emily reminds me a lot of being at university surrounded by clever people always only minutes away from an interesting conversation with someone with a view of things.
I am avoiding talking about my depression, god I have felt down the last couple of days, been really moaning to a couple of people thanks for your support you know who you are. I don’t know what it is but I really feel low, like everything i crashing down on me. Maybe not crashing down, more that I hold an idea of a good man, and he is but a shadow someone I will never be. So far today I have moaned onto Liz, Salma, Mel, Phil and Lulu. In fact I am talking to Lulu as I write this.
Why am I so sad, there lot of good in my life? Yet through it all I feel I am doing too little, too much playing games too little trying to improve. I should spend my time more productively instead I play games and mess about. Yet thought I struggle to change little happens what happened to the man so full of promise, once I felt I could do anything now I cant even solve simple problems at work without help.
Today I talked to lulu about the Korean war, after she was telling me about the North Korean TV she likes. I explained how it how it changed the world leading the the Truman doctrine of opposition to Communism everywhere in the world. Also General MacArthur's Idea that nuclear weapons should be used against China I also found on Wikipedia that more napalm was dropped on North Korea despite the fact the war was shorter. Atrocities on both sides the Americans blindly killing anyone who moved and the Chinese torturing people. I am glad (Iraq war aside) I don't live in an age of war I am not sure how I could face such a situation.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
RIP Mel Horton
Living so close to work and with my dad working from home I often nip home at lunch, today as I arrived home there was an ambulance outside my house, I parked up and found my dad sat in Stuarts car he told me my neighbour Mel had died. To be honest driving up I half thought it was my dad that had been taken ill so I was in a selfiish way relieved it was her not him.
The Horton family has lived in woodford for a long long time, they have been my dads neighbours virtually his whole life, but over the last few years the Mels dad Fred his Wife and Sister have all died. Its been sad losing familiar people, good neighbours I think Stuart Mels brother was very upset. She wasnt old 52 I think but she had drunk and smoked away a lot of her life so I suppose it wasnt totally unexpected.
Its going to mean new neighbours next door, its the last remaining council owned house on the road so the end of an era in more ways than one.
This evening I wanted to forget all about it so I went to the unicorn with Phil and guess what my "favorite" serving girl was on, yes you guessed it Clair. I feel like I cant let her know so hurt me but at the same time I guess I still find her attractive but she makes me so angry. As I was talking to her at the bar I reliased it been over a 18 months since that night you would have thought I would be over it by now? Everytime I see her though that same confusing mix of emotions.
Rather than deal with ti I got drunk with Phil and walked back to my house, played Civ for a bit then went to be alone.
The Horton family has lived in woodford for a long long time, they have been my dads neighbours virtually his whole life, but over the last few years the Mels dad Fred his Wife and Sister have all died. Its been sad losing familiar people, good neighbours I think Stuart Mels brother was very upset. She wasnt old 52 I think but she had drunk and smoked away a lot of her life so I suppose it wasnt totally unexpected.
Its going to mean new neighbours next door, its the last remaining council owned house on the road so the end of an era in more ways than one.
This evening I wanted to forget all about it so I went to the unicorn with Phil and guess what my "favorite" serving girl was on, yes you guessed it Clair. I feel like I cant let her know so hurt me but at the same time I guess I still find her attractive but she makes me so angry. As I was talking to her at the bar I reliased it been over a 18 months since that night you would have thought I would be over it by now? Everytime I see her though that same confusing mix of emotions.
Rather than deal with ti I got drunk with Phil and walked back to my house, played Civ for a bit then went to be alone.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Weird evening
After yet another difficult day of digging through code with little success, I was feeling pretty tired, buit I still managed a run after work.
My mums christmas present (a fancy Siemens coffee maker) arrived and was opened and set by the time I made it home, she seemed pretty pleased I guess, and it does at leat make great coffee apart form just looking good.
I went for a drink with Nick at the thieves, he was driving having the task of pickup up Becky from a works do. We were having a pint chatting about property trends I think I was deliverying some profound piece information I read in one of the papers, when suddenly a guy was ejected from the pub by one of the regulars. I think its the most excitment I have ever seen in the thieves. Looked like he was drunk acting like an idiot, seemed like the last straw he spilled beer on a guy coat and swore at him that was it Rubin Fielding grabbed the guy by the scruff of the neck an lobbed him out the door. For good measure another of the regulars gave him a clout round the head, good fun the farmers.
Afterward went back to the brook house, Ian and Faye were there Ian was complaining he had food posioning but personally I think he just ate too much. Having had food poisoning twice, it was pretty much the worse pain I have ever experienced i dont really think thats what Ians problem was.
My mums christmas present (a fancy Siemens coffee maker) arrived and was opened and set by the time I made it home, she seemed pretty pleased I guess, and it does at leat make great coffee apart form just looking good.
I went for a drink with Nick at the thieves, he was driving having the task of pickup up Becky from a works do. We were having a pint chatting about property trends I think I was deliverying some profound piece information I read in one of the papers, when suddenly a guy was ejected from the pub by one of the regulars. I think its the most excitment I have ever seen in the thieves. Looked like he was drunk acting like an idiot, seemed like the last straw he spilled beer on a guy coat and swore at him that was it Rubin Fielding grabbed the guy by the scruff of the neck an lobbed him out the door. For good measure another of the regulars gave him a clout round the head, good fun the farmers.
Afterward went back to the brook house, Ian and Faye were there Ian was complaining he had food posioning but personally I think he just ate too much. Having had food poisoning twice, it was pretty much the worse pain I have ever experienced i dont really think thats what Ians problem was.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The Comfort of Sadness
The title of today's blog is in honour of Paul, after watching his gig tonight at Jabez Clegg in Manchester I was thoroughly impressed. Sometimes whilst listening to music at a gig I feel the connection like the lyrics and passion of the artists become more than the sum of their parts. I guess maybe I am just a sentimentalist I sometimes feel the music is for me and me alone, though rationally I know it's not just for a few moments... This was one of those nights, I was only sad there weren't more people there to appreciate it, and that I don't really have the words to describe it in detail. I really need to start carrying round something to write on there have been a few times recently when I have been in the moment thinking of some great things to write the description in my head excellent but later when I sit down to type the words fade away, that feeling of being in the moment no longer there to draw inspiration from.
Watching the gig though I couldn't help getting a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I really need to find a creative vent, I mean I fool myself that programming is an art even sometimes call myself a digital poet but really I spend the majority of my time doing very thankless support tweaks nothing laudable, I just wish I could find something that would make me as passionate as Paul is about music, something in which I am a creator not a follower. Writing this blog has reminded me that I actually do like writing and reading though I don always find the time to do it.
It was a great night all round really Woller was out, and Danny been I while since I last saw him, Chirs too. Sandbox came but had to leave before watching Paul, whilst I realise they have to practise for their gig next week I thought it was slightly off of them I know Paul has been to see many of their gigs and they should know better than anyone how nice it is to have core support.
Today I felt so tired I had insomnia last night barley got any sleep, it seems to be happening more frequently recently, only a couple more days of work left I can't wait the last few days have seen me wading through other people spaghetti code trying to make small changes as part of the workflow project. Its quiet difficult and tedious work, and as M is away we really miss his knowledge of the system. Had a great launch with Bruce though he had the day off and met me in Wilmslow, it was really nice to get out of the office for a change.
It's been days since I last spoke to Lulu, we had an argument the other day on MSN, she was complaining as always that I don't use messenger (I use gaim and Adium because they rationalise all my chat clients and they are open source). I was tired and work was getting my down a bit and being told by her what I should do as if I know nothing about computers. I just lost it for a few minutes. Since then we haven't spoken to be honest I am not sure there is much to say, it seems like she has been growing up recently and starting to wise up perhaps its time for us both to move on.
Watching the gig though I couldn't help getting a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I really need to find a creative vent, I mean I fool myself that programming is an art even sometimes call myself a digital poet but really I spend the majority of my time doing very thankless support tweaks nothing laudable, I just wish I could find something that would make me as passionate as Paul is about music, something in which I am a creator not a follower. Writing this blog has reminded me that I actually do like writing and reading though I don always find the time to do it.
It was a great night all round really Woller was out, and Danny been I while since I last saw him, Chirs too. Sandbox came but had to leave before watching Paul, whilst I realise they have to practise for their gig next week I thought it was slightly off of them I know Paul has been to see many of their gigs and they should know better than anyone how nice it is to have core support.
Today I felt so tired I had insomnia last night barley got any sleep, it seems to be happening more frequently recently, only a couple more days of work left I can't wait the last few days have seen me wading through other people spaghetti code trying to make small changes as part of the workflow project. Its quiet difficult and tedious work, and as M is away we really miss his knowledge of the system. Had a great launch with Bruce though he had the day off and met me in Wilmslow, it was really nice to get out of the office for a change.
It's been days since I last spoke to Lulu, we had an argument the other day on MSN, she was complaining as always that I don't use messenger (I use gaim and Adium because they rationalise all my chat clients and they are open source). I was tired and work was getting my down a bit and being told by her what I should do as if I know nothing about computers. I just lost it for a few minutes. Since then we haven't spoken to be honest I am not sure there is much to say, it seems like she has been growing up recently and starting to wise up perhaps its time for us both to move on.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I just can't get no sleep
I can't sleep have insomnia bad, I am also really reticent about bloggin today, Liz fell out with me after reading the last post. I didnt mean to upset her quiet the opposite I was trashing myself not her, however she read more into it then was there and got upset with me.
We did manage to sort things out eventually I calmed her down, its weird on one level she is very rational and stable but on another she is easily upset and emotional. I guess I am much the same myself calm and collected one minute losing my mind the next, though i suppose I am very open about what I realy think.
Anyway have now removed the link to liz blog and removed the ambiguity form my previous post so hopefully we can get back to being friends / yahoo chat buddies or whatever we are.
Another strnage one out of the blue Nikkie started messaging me, I said hello didn't want to be rude but at the same time I can't work out what she wants she had no respect for me and I made it clear that wasn't good enough, so I wonder what her motives were just to check up on me? I guess only time will tell.
I should go to bed but sleep won't come I am getting frustrated and it makes the situation much worse, so many thoughts in my head perhaps the argument with liz and lulu have had more of an affect than I admit. Perhaps work is stressing me or maybe igivng blood has fucked up my body certainly my arm still hurts.
I am going to grab another whiskey see if it helps
night night
We did manage to sort things out eventually I calmed her down, its weird on one level she is very rational and stable but on another she is easily upset and emotional. I guess I am much the same myself calm and collected one minute losing my mind the next, though i suppose I am very open about what I realy think.
Anyway have now removed the link to liz blog and removed the ambiguity form my previous post so hopefully we can get back to being friends / yahoo chat buddies or whatever we are.
Another strnage one out of the blue Nikkie started messaging me, I said hello didn't want to be rude but at the same time I can't work out what she wants she had no respect for me and I made it clear that wasn't good enough, so I wonder what her motives were just to check up on me? I guess only time will tell.
I should go to bed but sleep won't come I am getting frustrated and it makes the situation much worse, so many thoughts in my head perhaps the argument with liz and lulu have had more of an affect than I admit. Perhaps work is stressing me or maybe igivng blood has fucked up my body certainly my arm still hurts.
I am going to grab another whiskey see if it helps
night night
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Civ IV
Civ IV has basically been a total addiction for me since Phil and Bruce got me a copy for my birthday. Having finally beaten the game after paying something like a 60 hours (check out the xfire mini profile 
in the last couple of weeks. Tonight I finally managed to achieve the ultimate cultural victory hurrah. Hopefully now I can get my life back rather than playing "just one more turn"!
I did manage to get a gym session in today my arm was too sore for weights so I bashed out 45 minutes on the cross trainer, its actually quiet good give me a chance to listen to music uninterupted.
Caught up with Phil on-line after judo he still hasn't asked that girl out I am getting quiet worried about it, starting to turn into the Nicky situation all over again. He say he loves training but since he has been doing he far from becoming more tolerant he seem more aggressive especially after a few drinks practising move in bars I have a feeling it going to end in tears either he will get hurt or he'll end up hurting someone. I just hope that my fears prove unfounded but I liken excessive martial arts training to be as narcissistic as excessive gym training its just too introspective for my liking. I think Tyler summed it up best in fight club "Self improvement is masturbation, self destruction that something else"
in the last couple of weeks. Tonight I finally managed to achieve the ultimate cultural victory hurrah. Hopefully now I can get my life back rather than playing "just one more turn"!I did manage to get a gym session in today my arm was too sore for weights so I bashed out 45 minutes on the cross trainer, its actually quiet good give me a chance to listen to music uninterupted.
Caught up with Phil on-line after judo he still hasn't asked that girl out I am getting quiet worried about it, starting to turn into the Nicky situation all over again. He say he loves training but since he has been doing he far from becoming more tolerant he seem more aggressive especially after a few drinks practising move in bars I have a feeling it going to end in tears either he will get hurt or he'll end up hurting someone. I just hope that my fears prove unfounded but I liken excessive martial arts training to be as narcissistic as excessive gym training its just too introspective for my liking. I think Tyler summed it up best in fight club "Self improvement is masturbation, self destruction that something else"
Monday, December 12, 2005
Positive Outlook?
Like most bloggers/diarests deep down I like the idea that people are paying attention to what I have written although it can at time prove unofortunate, witness the Liz / Nikkie Saga. I guess though I have always prefered the truth from fiction so on the most part its great. Over the last few days two people have told me they read my blog, small numbers I know but hey better than none.
My arm hurts today I asked Liz about it last night (she is a Doctor after all) but all she would say is my arms probably going to drop off, thanks! I guess I haven't real engraciated myself with her given I basically have ignored her requests for me to come over. Its just I know my weakness's and I think she desrvers better than being with me.
I opened Pauls myspace today it seems his love affair with it continues unabated, I am tempted to redo his site with the same CSS see if he notices. Hopefully later this week I will get to see his gig in Manchester. Talking of gigs sandbox's xmas gig is coming up Andy will no doubt be selling tickets soon. I am constantly impressed by there advnaced busiess sense and I am sure if the band dosnt work out they would have a bright future in promotion or marketing.
Work was interesting today managed to hack Tonys program enough to shoehorn another quesiton in, thouhg nobody from freedom can actually be bothered to test it so like a 100 other changes it will probably sit on the test server forever. In the absense of anything else I spent the afternoon trying to get my laptop to have the correct resolution (stupid Linux decided it dosnt like 1280X800).
My arm hurts today I asked Liz about it last night (she is a Doctor after all) but all she would say is my arms probably going to drop off, thanks! I guess I haven't real engraciated myself with her given I basically have ignored her requests for me to come over. Its just I know my weakness's and I think she desrvers better than being with me.
I opened Pauls myspace today it seems his love affair with it continues unabated, I am tempted to redo his site with the same CSS see if he notices. Hopefully later this week I will get to see his gig in Manchester. Talking of gigs sandbox's xmas gig is coming up Andy will no doubt be selling tickets soon. I am constantly impressed by there advnaced busiess sense and I am sure if the band dosnt work out they would have a bright future in promotion or marketing.
Work was interesting today managed to hack Tonys program enough to shoehorn another quesiton in, thouhg nobody from freedom can actually be bothered to test it so like a 100 other changes it will probably sit on the test server forever. In the absense of anything else I spent the afternoon trying to get my laptop to have the correct resolution (stupid Linux decided it dosnt like 1280X800).
Dark Water
This evening Phil rented a film, must have been doing this a lot recently as we couldn't seem to find a film we wanted to watch. Eventually we settled on Crash only to find it was all out. Instead we rented Dark Water, it looked good from the same writer as the ring.
Eccentually the film is about a mother who having split up from her adulterous husband moves to a dingy apartment complex with her daughter. It opens well with the obligitory sepia toned flashback to the womens own abusive mother.
Unfortunatly the pace isnt so much slow as glacial. I also guessed pretty much correctly what was going to happenwithin about three scenes. The tension was built up in a kind of is she mentle or is this really happening kind of way but I felt it was clumsily handled.
There was some great acting especially from John C. Reilly as the machievellian estate agent and Tim Roth as the cheap lawyer working out of his car.
After a few more turns on civ I finally hit the hey.
Eccentually the film is about a mother who having split up from her adulterous husband moves to a dingy apartment complex with her daughter. It opens well with the obligitory sepia toned flashback to the womens own abusive mother.
Unfortunatly the pace isnt so much slow as glacial. I also guessed pretty much correctly what was going to happenwithin about three scenes. The tension was built up in a kind of is she mentle or is this really happening kind of way but I felt it was clumsily handled.
There was some great acting especially from John C. Reilly as the machievellian estate agent and Tim Roth as the cheap lawyer working out of his car.
After a few more turns on civ I finally hit the hey.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Sunday Hangover
Another month another comedy night, another hangover possibly made worse by the terrible nature of the acts last night. However dodgy acts aside it was a good evenign Jono, Nick, Becs, Martin, Charlotte Endo and his missus were all out with myself Phil and Bruce.
Bruce Phil and I went for a curry at the La Quila which was very tasty before hand, it was also the first time I met Charlotte Martins new squeeze. I was suprised she wsa a lot quieter than I epected and they were very very touchy feely not quiet what I would have expected. He seemed happy though which is great.
This morning I am chilling out I should go for a jog in fact I might do shortly, either than or play civ...
Bruce Phil and I went for a curry at the La Quila which was very tasty before hand, it was also the first time I met Charlotte Martins new squeeze. I was suprised she wsa a lot quieter than I epected and they were very very touchy feely not quiet what I would have expected. He seemed happy though which is great.
This morning I am chilling out I should go for a jog in fact I might do shortly, either than or play civ...
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Drained, Literally!
I gave blood again today was a very stressful experience, firstly they have a new form which I filled out wrong as I hurried through it :-S Then as I laid down to give blood the women announced she was a trainee which to be honest scared the crap out of me then after applying the pressure to get a view she walked off and I heard her talking to another nurse she was having trouble locating the view and the other one was warning her not to hit an artery!! Finally she stuck the needle in not the worst but fairly painful I was going a little bit under then she told me my flow rate was great, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Oh well it was a good thing to do and I got through it in the end. I certainly recommend to anyone reading its a worthwhile thing to do and you get free tea and biscuits afterwards.
After the trauma I spoke to Ian, seems he managed to get injured moving his bar, hurt hi leg hope he feel better soon. Bruce popped over and we played a bit of counter strike I am afraid I'm still pretty bad at it. Then we went for a couple of beers I had Guinness to try and up my iron levels but after two pints I was wasted. Amazing how much we take blood for granted.
After the trauma I spoke to Ian, seems he managed to get injured moving his bar, hurt hi leg hope he feel better soon. Bruce popped over and we played a bit of counter strike I am afraid I'm still pretty bad at it. Then we went for a couple of beers I had Guinness to try and up my iron levels but after two pints I was wasted. Amazing how much we take blood for granted.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Back to the daily grind
Wow in a flash two days have past, I dont seem to have done very much butI sure feel tired already!
Tongith I spent the evening with Bruce tarting up the Ejected Brass website details of the ast and xt lans are up inluding the compition results.
I also caught lost season two ep9 its was mega.
Today was interesting I finally took the plunge and bought my first shares, prviously all my investments have been in funds bt I felt like owning a piece of a company for myself. Is a very small piece though after stamp duty and dealing fees £500 bought 91 shares, there are 7million share in issue for this company so I own 0.0013% Nice!. I also got caughtout by the bid to buy spread, due to the low trading volume here is a higher price on t shares than they are trading at. However assuming this company meets it forcast and it has done for few years the divideds alone willcover the initial losses and fees then the capital growth should move the sre price on (fingers crossed). Il tell you how its going in the future, though I am holding this as a long term investent so it might be a while ;-)
Tongith I spent the evening with Bruce tarting up the Ejected Brass website details of the ast and xt lans are up inluding the compition results.
I also caught lost season two ep9 its was mega.
Today was interesting I finally took the plunge and bought my first shares, prviously all my investments have been in funds bt I felt like owning a piece of a company for myself. Is a very small piece though after stamp duty and dealing fees £500 bought 91 shares, there are 7million share in issue for this company so I own 0.0013% Nice!. I also got caughtout by the bid to buy spread, due to the low trading volume here is a higher price on t shares than they are trading at. However assuming this company meets it forcast and it has done for few years the divideds alone willcover the initial losses and fees then the capital growth should move the sre price on (fingers crossed). Il tell you how its going in the future, though I am holding this as a long term investent so it might be a while ;-)
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Hoildays End
Well its been a great two weeks got in a lot of relaxing a lot of Civ 4 and well a few other more important things like getting my car serviced and catching up with some people.
Last night was good went out with Paul first went to tgi to see ian and have a few beers then to Jo's for more beer and chat. I ended up spending a lot of time with Holly whilst Berger and Paul were chatting. It was quiet interesting I havent really spoken to her that mch before she very intelligent I can really see why they make a good couple.
Afterwards met ian and Faye for a curry I was pretty drunk by then unfortunatly, oh well.
Today I did really do much played civ and then went for a run, amusingly Paul and Woller came round to drop off the stuff I left in Pauls car last night to see me very sweaty about to get in the shower. This evening went to the unicorn with Nick and Becs. Julies was on the bar its been along while since I had seen her shes lost quiet a lot of weight, we had a chat about our holidays mine to Budapest hers to Tunisia. Weird really I get the feeling shes still interested perhaps he holds a cnadle for me as I do for Claire dispite the fact she fucked me about.
I am not looking forward to going back to work I should already be in bed but I am aprehensive oh well Im going to smash that fucking mug to a million pieces if anyone dares to give it me again, perhaps over someones head, no no its not worth 5 years in jail just to get back at knob head co workers.
Last night was good went out with Paul first went to tgi to see ian and have a few beers then to Jo's for more beer and chat. I ended up spending a lot of time with Holly whilst Berger and Paul were chatting. It was quiet interesting I havent really spoken to her that mch before she very intelligent I can really see why they make a good couple.
Afterwards met ian and Faye for a curry I was pretty drunk by then unfortunatly, oh well.
Today I did really do much played civ and then went for a run, amusingly Paul and Woller came round to drop off the stuff I left in Pauls car last night to see me very sweaty about to get in the shower. This evening went to the unicorn with Nick and Becs. Julies was on the bar its been along while since I had seen her shes lost quiet a lot of weight, we had a chat about our holidays mine to Budapest hers to Tunisia. Weird really I get the feeling shes still interested perhaps he holds a cnadle for me as I do for Claire dispite the fact she fucked me about.
I am not looking forward to going back to work I should already be in bed but I am aprehensive oh well Im going to smash that fucking mug to a million pieces if anyone dares to give it me again, perhaps over someones head, no no its not worth 5 years in jail just to get back at knob head co workers.
Friday, December 02, 2005
BandSox
Well my holiday has whizzed by its already Friday early morning and tomorrow I'm servicing my car and doing a few other tasks. I have hardly achieved anything I wanted too this week though it has ben really nice to have time just to chill out.
It would have ben nice to catch up with some people like Ali H and Ali B but I dont think that will happen now.
Its pouring down outside and I have just seen another sandbox gig which was actually pretty mega they played around with the make up of a few of the songs. Also good but ear splitting were 52 teenagers, and the headliners were ok.
Actually spoke to rigini and emily tonight usually miss the band as they are busy with other things, emily was interesting as alwaystalkng about achtechture, i find it fashinating to meet peopel with interests as I cant usually spend more than a few hours on something before becoming bored unless its a game like CIV of course ;-)
Today was notable for my 10 year bond finaly paying up what a waste of time I could have made more with the money sat in my ING account oh well I added the fund to my UK all share tracker and all I can say is GO UK equities!
Seriously I wonder if I will ever find a way to make enough cash to be self sufficent, tongith Phil and I called into tesco to see if we could pik up a pre release xbox 360 as they are so limited they are selling on ebay for upto 500 pounds. Unfortunatly tescos did some sort of raffle thign for the 9 units they had. Oh well better look next time I guess at least we were looking out for ways to generate cash.
I am aching like a bitch now my online trainer gave me a silly program today spent about 2 hours at the gym and at a few points had to take 5 minutes out as what i was dong was so hard I lied to be pushed but I am not sure this isnt too much oh well the results will out and this time next year I will ither be thinner of fatter or more well built we shall see.
Anyway I am up early to take my car for a service so goodnight all.
It would have ben nice to catch up with some people like Ali H and Ali B but I dont think that will happen now.
Its pouring down outside and I have just seen another sandbox gig which was actually pretty mega they played around with the make up of a few of the songs. Also good but ear splitting were 52 teenagers, and the headliners were ok.
Actually spoke to rigini and emily tonight usually miss the band as they are busy with other things, emily was interesting as alwaystalkng about achtechture, i find it fashinating to meet peopel with interests as I cant usually spend more than a few hours on something before becoming bored unless its a game like CIV of course ;-)
Today was notable for my 10 year bond finaly paying up what a waste of time I could have made more with the money sat in my ING account oh well I added the fund to my UK all share tracker and all I can say is GO UK equities!
Seriously I wonder if I will ever find a way to make enough cash to be self sufficent, tongith Phil and I called into tesco to see if we could pik up a pre release xbox 360 as they are so limited they are selling on ebay for upto 500 pounds. Unfortunatly tescos did some sort of raffle thign for the 9 units they had. Oh well better look next time I guess at least we were looking out for ways to generate cash.
I am aching like a bitch now my online trainer gave me a silly program today spent about 2 hours at the gym and at a few points had to take 5 minutes out as what i was dong was so hard I lied to be pushed but I am not sure this isnt too much oh well the results will out and this time next year I will ither be thinner of fatter or more well built we shall see.
Anyway I am up early to take my car for a service so goodnight all.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Van Hunting
Somehow last night I was talked into going van hunting with Nick, not that I am some expert in vans or anything, however by dint of owning diesel I know more than him. Ironically Nicks modeo actually decided to Die this morning so I spent the whole day ferrying him around from one sales court to the next. Fortunatly the sat nav was working so we managed to find them all ok.
There were ome real dogs out there but eventually we found a dealer of HGV who took us to GE captials rental disposal yard faced with hundred of vans of all sizes we were a little spolit for choice. Eventually we found a fairly decent Astra Diesel 1.7tdi its a 53 reg with 40k on th clock runs really well and recetnly serviced.
Carrying on the subject wiith Nick finally sorted out the ebay moneys so I am no longer in debt to him hurrah.
There were ome real dogs out there but eventually we found a dealer of HGV who took us to GE captials rental disposal yard faced with hundred of vans of all sizes we were a little spolit for choice. Eventually we found a fairly decent Astra Diesel 1.7tdi its a 53 reg with 40k on th clock runs really well and recetnly serviced.
Carrying on the subject wiith Nick finally sorted out the ebay moneys so I am no longer in debt to him hurrah.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Bottle of blues
Its not often I writie a blog on the same night as it happens most often I make bleve its the same night and tell things as they were well tonight its all real.
I am currently drunk having been out with Ian and Faye nad Clair, ill regret saying this but Cliar is lovely, how ironic that whle I write this supertramp breakfast in america is playing. Tonight Philipa said " i just think sometimes i think you hide from the world" perhaps she is right or maybe I am just not made for the world it certainly feels that way to me like I just dont fit in anywhere im not sure anyone will ever desire me. Tonight Faye Ian and I were alking about our Australia trip and thats what 18 months ago and yet I am no nearer a relationship that I was when I went out there perhpaps my natural state is to be alone I certainly dont seem to gel wit the women i meet. PROVE YOURSELF as radiohead would say.
As I walked home tonight I remembered Laura and Hannah Kay and Ed what if I had never chaged carried on moking pot and hanging out where would I be now would I be happier? Would I have ever got with laura? I still think of her as some unatainable object and yet I know there were times if I had understood then I could have made a move, would I be happy now who knows perhaps I am not meant to be?!?!
I am currently drunk having been out with Ian and Faye nad Clair, ill regret saying this but Cliar is lovely, how ironic that whle I write this supertramp breakfast in america is playing. Tonight Philipa said " i just think sometimes i think you hide from the world" perhaps she is right or maybe I am just not made for the world it certainly feels that way to me like I just dont fit in anywhere im not sure anyone will ever desire me. Tonight Faye Ian and I were alking about our Australia trip and thats what 18 months ago and yet I am no nearer a relationship that I was when I went out there perhpaps my natural state is to be alone I certainly dont seem to gel wit the women i meet. PROVE YOURSELF as radiohead would say.
As I walked home tonight I remembered Laura and Hannah Kay and Ed what if I had never chaged carried on moking pot and hanging out where would I be now would I be happier? Would I have ever got with laura? I still think of her as some unatainable object and yet I know there were times if I had understood then I could have made a move, would I be happy now who knows perhaps I am not meant to be?!?!
Monday, November 28, 2005
Back Home
Its been an eventful week, the holiday was excellent I enjoyed Budapest drinking good beer eating great food it was lovely. Since getting back I have felt really good if a little tired yesterday I basically sat in my room read all my email, snail mail and caught up with a few things. Then watched lost with Bruce and Phil, who bought me a copy of Civilisation IV. I used to be so adicted to the predisessor Alpha Centuri, already I must have spent 12 hours playing hopfully I wont waste my entire week playing.
I have now just about caught up with the blog and put a load of photos online. I am hoping the week to tranfer a lot of the content from webalbum to coppermine as I think its a lot better.
Spoke to Vicky online earlier and she dropped a bit of a bombshell shes pregnant! I know what you thinking and no its nothing to do with me, I wish her well with everything its going to be hard bringing up a kid on her own but I think she will make a good mum.
Paul phoned me up he seemed in a good mood hopefully might go and visit him this week, still not entirly sure whats going on between himself and Lisa though to be honest I dont think he knows himself. He put me onto Regina Spektor an artist he found on myspace, SHe seems pretty good. I am quiet stressed about his website I did spend time looking at it but well I am no graphic deisgner and he has already lined someone else up to take over but still wants changes. I guess I am finding it hard to get the enthusiasm to work on any of the websites or indeed anything. I think I need to choose a project and work on it try and hone my skills I am worried that perhaps I spread myself too thin and achieve little if I just concentrated on less perhaps I could do more.
Manged to spend some time on rightmove checking whats out there currently it looks like I could either go for a house somewhere like adswood or a flat in Handforth. Neither is very appealing so I guess I will stay with my parents and try and get my deposit to grow futher.
I have now just about caught up with the blog and put a load of photos online. I am hoping the week to tranfer a lot of the content from webalbum to coppermine as I think its a lot better.
Spoke to Vicky online earlier and she dropped a bit of a bombshell shes pregnant! I know what you thinking and no its nothing to do with me, I wish her well with everything its going to be hard bringing up a kid on her own but I think she will make a good mum.
Paul phoned me up he seemed in a good mood hopefully might go and visit him this week, still not entirly sure whats going on between himself and Lisa though to be honest I dont think he knows himself. He put me onto Regina Spektor an artist he found on myspace, SHe seems pretty good. I am quiet stressed about his website I did spend time looking at it but well I am no graphic deisgner and he has already lined someone else up to take over but still wants changes. I guess I am finding it hard to get the enthusiasm to work on any of the websites or indeed anything. I think I need to choose a project and work on it try and hone my skills I am worried that perhaps I spread myself too thin and achieve little if I just concentrated on less perhaps I could do more.
Manged to spend some time on rightmove checking whats out there currently it looks like I could either go for a house somewhere like adswood or a flat in Handforth. Neither is very appealing so I guess I will stay with my parents and try and get my deposit to grow futher.
Friday, November 25, 2005
happy birthday~~~
morning my dear Cookie,
its 8:40 am Nov.25th by my time, i'm sure that lulu will be the first one to wish you a happy birthday n__n
how was Hungary? should be enjoying some beers or having fun at the fantastic city :-)
lulu'll be on my trip very soon, 6 days starting from this Sunday, haha, we might have a pic fighting after me back, exchanging as many as wonderful memories...
seeya friend,
lulu
its 8:40 am Nov.25th by my time, i'm sure that lulu will be the first one to wish you a happy birthday n__n
how was Hungary? should be enjoying some beers or having fun at the fantastic city :-)
lulu'll be on my trip very soon, 6 days starting from this Sunday, haha, we might have a pic fighting after me back, exchanging as many as wonderful memories...
seeya friend,
lulu
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Statue Park
Another cold day here in Budapest, we awoke to a new snowfall outside. I still saw someone swimming in the pool outside though, I thought about giving it a go then decided against (its a long walk from the pool back to the room and I didn't have a robe.Today we visited statue park. After the fall of communism in Hungary all of the the Marxist statues were removed and taken away to a park in the middle of nowhere. It was quiet impressive walking round the imposing snow covered images of Lenin, Stalin and other communist “workers paradise images”. I guess its an ultimate irony that fat capitalists like myself now pay to visit the imagery of communism, Karl Marx would be turning in his grave.
I tried to give Philip and Bruce a grounding in the history of communism but I don't think they found it very interesting or particularly understood the reasons. They were impressed by the statues though.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
The other side of the river
After exploring Budas old town today we planned to check out Pest, so we caught the 21 then grabbed the Metro across the Danube.
Originally we planned to go on a coach tour of the city but once there we decided to take a walking tour insted so we walked from Ference Ter to Heros Square.
Stopping at a few of the nice stores on the way (Bruce just had to check out the Apple retailer). We then walked round the park behind heros square then down to the Danube and along the bank of the river watching the night decend. After a quick stop in a bar to warm up with some tasty local beers we walked past the Parliment building and across the chain bridge.
On the way back to the hotel we decieded to ride the Cog train up the hill, it was a strange experience lumbering up the hill I cant believe how good the public transport is I dont think I would ever drive if woodford was as well served as Normafda. The only unfortunate thing was as we were getting off the doors closed leaving me trapped I had to ride the train up the hill several miles to the next stop then wait for the next one down.
Originally we planned to go on a coach tour of the city but once there we decided to take a walking tour insted so we walked from Ference Ter to Heros Square.
Stopping at a few of the nice stores on the way (Bruce just had to check out the Apple retailer). We then walked round the park behind heros square then down to the Danube and along the bank of the river watching the night decend. After a quick stop in a bar to warm up with some tasty local beers we walked past the Parliment building and across the chain bridge.
On the way back to the hotel we decieded to ride the Cog train up the hill, it was a strange experience lumbering up the hill I cant believe how good the public transport is I dont think I would ever drive if woodford was as well served as Normafda. The only unfortunate thing was as we were getting off the doors closed leaving me trapped I had to ride the train up the hill several miles to the next stop then wait for the next one down.
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