My name is modesty

The title of today's weblog is a film this one sponsored by Quentin Tarentino. I went to blockbuster and yet again all the copies of crash were rented out so rented this instead. Not a bad film quit clever but clearly low budget Not sure how Tarentino got his name on there I guess he is sponsoring it somehow. It was a pretty decent budget film if a little short of on action.

Not really done much today went to Andy&s to pick up tickets, always a treat seeing those guys they are a lot different to most of my other friends and Emily reminds me a lot of being at university surrounded by clever people always only minutes away from an interesting conversation with someone with a view of things.

I am avoiding talking about my depression, god I have felt down the last couple of days, been really moaning to a couple of people thanks for your support you know who you are. I don’t know what it is but I really feel low, like everything i crashing down on me. Maybe not crashing down, more that I hold an idea of a good man, and he is but a shadow someone I will never be. So far today I have moaned onto Liz, Salma, Mel, Phil and Lulu. In fact I am talking to Lulu as I write this.

Why am I so sad, there lot of good in my life? Yet through it all I feel I am doing too little, too much playing games too little trying to improve. I should spend my time more productively instead I play games and mess about. Yet thought I struggle to change little happens what happened to the man so full of promise, once I felt I could do anything now I cant even solve simple problems at work without help.

Today I talked to lulu about the Korean war, after she was telling me about the North Korean TV she likes. I explained how it how it changed the world leading the the Truman doctrine of opposition to Communism everywhere in the world. Also General MacArthur's Idea that nuclear weapons should be used against China I also found on Wikipedia that more napalm was dropped on North Korea despite the fact the war was shorter. Atrocities on both sides the Americans blindly killing anyone who moved and the Chinese torturing people. I am glad (Iraq war aside) I don't live in an age of war I am not sure how I could face such a situation.