Citizen Erased

Some days are just harsh and today was one of them. I should not complain too much thouhgt it was mostly my fault.

I went round to Martins last night to see how he was getting on after his op. He seems to be getting better, he looked tired, finding it hard to sleep with his arm tied up, and laid out on his back. He was in good spirits though feels everything went well and his arm is already healing. Its king of weird in fact because the surgery was keyhole there are only a few small marks to show for all of the work. Apparently he was under for two hours.

I got home just after 11 but for some reason I couldn't sleep. I kept waking every through hours. So I felt tired as hell this morning. My head felt like it was full of cotton wool, so I found thought even more difficult than normal.

Somehow I managed to get through the day, though it was far from my most triumphant. Several of the planned changes I made failed on live even though they passed QA on test. I even had to go and spend some time out on the floor, it made me realise just how little I have in common with the sales people sat out there. In fact I was very uncomfortable, users never like the system even though they would like paper a lot less (and e less productive).

Apres moi

Regina was on the Culture show last night, she played out the show on her piano, it was very beautiful much different to the concert.

I stayed in and watched TV and read my book, I was just so hung over all day. Philip and Bruce popped round with the latest editions of Lost, there has been such a long break since the last ones I has to remind myself what was going on. The first episode was great, the second was about Desmond it was a bit out of left field and as yet hasn't really added much to the story. I am keen for more about the others, and really Charley is annoying the hell out of me.

We also watched the film Carry. Phil had never seen it before, its a very good film based on the Steven King novel. Its quiet unusual for a horror as well virtually the entire film is a build up to the final chilling action. It also has a rather horrific conclusion with nobody saved no Hollywood cheer.

Regina was on the Culture show last night, she played out the show on her piano, it was very beautiful much different to the concert.

I stayed in and watched TV and read my book, I was just so hung over all day. Philip and Bruce popped round with the latest editions of Lost, there has been such a long break since the last ones I has to remind myself what was going on. The first episode was great, the second was about Desmond it was a bit out of left field and as yet hasn't really added much to the story. I am keen for more about the others, and really Charley is annoying the hell out of me.

We also watched the film Carry. Phil had never seen it before, its a very good film based on the Steven King novel. Its quiet unusual for a horror as well virtually hte entire film is a build up to the final chilling action. It also has a rather horrific conclusion with nobody saved no Hollywood cheer.

Broken Boy Soilders

For some reasons these days I seem to get the most terrible hangovers, well the reason is I drink too much. Maybe its part of ageing, my liver just cannot cope any more perhaps?

The reason for my extreme hangover (apart from the obvious excess alcohol consumption) was that I had been to a party at Andy G's house last night. His girlfriend Emily is about to head back to Lond to complete her placement so what better excuse for a party

Ian drove down as he had a bad back and was taking rather strong painkillers. This gave me my opportunity to have a few drinks. I chatted to Emily, she has really blossomed her work seems to have given her a new confidence in herself, very pleasing to see. I had a chat to Ian and to Andy.

I had a rather long and weird chat to Will, he was telling me about the very interesting work he is involved with. It sounds like a very interesting project, though I was too drunk to really be able to understand it. I did managed to find a load of FFT projects that you can use with open source. I forget to ask him what he was programming it in.

I must admit I hardly knew anyone there so that propelled me to drink a lot more. There were two bit of weirdness, one good and one bad. The good was Andy putting on tapes of the old college project videos he made with Ian Dave Catherine and the others. Its was so funny to see them I haven't laughed so much in a while.

The not so good were two of the parties participants having an argument, which left the girl sat crying in the kitchen. I cant bear to see crying women it has a really negative on me. Unfortunately I had to recharge my beer which meant going into the kitchen, sigh. To be honest I should have left it I didn't need more beer but typically I never know my limits.

So I have very much suffered today but never mind it was an enjoyable night out a bit different from the norm.

Hotel Song

Tonight was the final ebb of Christmas for me, funny to say I realise. However I had bought Bruce, Phil Nina and myself tickets to see the rather wonderful singer Regina Spektor.

After visiting the Academy on Friday to the Guillemots on Friday I found out that Regina Spektor gig had been moved from Academy 2 to the larger Academy Proper. This meant there were extra tickets available and as Jo expressed an interest in coming I invited him. He wanted to come so I ordered tickets for himself and girlfriend Holly. Collection was at the venue, it transpired that on arrival we found collection consisted of a man standing out side. The conversation went as thus "Hi I ordered some tickets in the name of Cooke", "John Cooke?" asked the man, I replied yes and he handed them over, no security check. Next time I am going to ask for Smith!

After picking up the extra tickets and a short queue, myself Phil Jo and Holly positioned ourselves near the front. Bruce Nina, Lindsey and Sarah joined us shortly afterwards. We were well positioned, only about 10 meters from the stage. There was rather a long pause before the support act Only Son came on stage.

Singer Only Son has supported Regina every time I have seen her. I think that his act is pretty good. I like the I-pod supporting band trick, and he has a couple of stand out songs.

I got very busy about this time and the temperature was started to rise. There were some weird people in the crowd too. For example there was a Chinese girl reading a book in the middle of the crowd, I couldn't see which book it was but she was totally engrossed at least until Regina came on. There was also a very annoying guy wearing a fedora hat guy, and a really weird backpack sporting dude.

Unfortunately I think the heat and bustle were a bit much for Holly, her diminutive stature made it hard for her to see as well. Part way through Only Son Jo had to take her home, he made it to Levenshulme and back but the idiot bouncers would not let him back in, it was a real shame as it was a much better gig than the one he attended at the Lowery (though still not as good as the first time I saw her at Academy 3).

There was quiet a gap in between Only Son and Regina, in fact I was starting to get very restless. When she finally made an appearance it was totally worth the rate, she delivered a consummate performance. Played a variety of songs from her albums a typical eclectic mix. Overall it was an amazing performance, my favourite songs were US, Sampson and better. I thought the Country song was pretty funny though not really album quality, she is definitely an artist to see live her music really comes to life the extra vocal tweaks she adds are playful and engaging.

After the gig we were on a high. We decided to go for a Curry at la Quila, I was not really that hungry so I shared a sizzler with Phil. Had a chat and pint, it was a nice end to the evening.

Hope overture

Ah valentines day, Surprisingly enough another year in which I received exactly zero valentines cards. Oh well maybe next year eh :P I think Jo summed it up best with his "I only received one red letter this morning it said please pay £88.50 love EDF", genius mate ;)

I went to pick up my visa today, its not quiet as impressive a stamp as the Belarussian one but I am certainly very pleased to have it. et again there were Chinese people arguing with the counter staff. I have no idea what over as the discussion was all in Chinese. On the way out I also got leafleted by some guy protesting about some practise of the Chinese government. They weren't there on Friday morning.

Things were a little weird today at work, there have been doing some chopping and changing I might have to go spend some time with another colleague to learn a different system. In principle I like the idea how much I can realistically learn in one day is debatable though.

Made it to the gym this evening, in total contrast to Monday it was nearly empty tonight. There must have been some football on TV or something I guess. This evening passed like any other but a conversation with one of my friends made me thing about Australia. I was so much more impulsive there, my attitude was like Nikes logo just do it. I think the thing was I had limited time which forced me to do things. Whereas here I am king of putting it off, there is always tomorrow right? Here you think you have forever but its just an illusion. I suppose thats why I am keen to do crazy stuff like visit people from the internet in other countries, because if I don't do it now I probably never will.

The Idiot

I just started reading the Idiot a Russian novel (I am reading the English translation of course) by Fyodor Dostoevsky. It is an account of a simple man totally who through his through his selflessness and sincerity makes his way into Russian society. Like the novel Crime and Punishment, the Idiot is at first glance extremely verbose and descriptive. I started reading this evening and have made it to chapter 6, With it being a translation and a text written in the 19th Century, some of the language can be a little difficult to understand.

The book is relatively light and very much a pleasure to read. I like the way Dostoevsky writes, he is like the Tarantino of the literary world. There are constant meanderings, which serve more to define the characters that further the plot. For all the extra prose it is never boring to read, always adding something to the "world" of the novel. Not that I am an expert on literature of course, I only managed a B at GCSE and that is about as far as I got with writing until the day I started up this blog (and I am by NO means comparing myself to a master author).

Apparently Dostoevsky is considered by some to be the father of existentialism. I never really gave it any though but he certainly does devote a lot of his material to inwards examination especially of extreme states of mind. Given I recently ordered some books about philosophy in an effort to expand my mind, without realising that I have already been exposing myself to a form of the art. I guess it exposes a gap in my education or understanding.

Andy "chief" Gilmore has invited me to a party / gathering at his place. The excuse is to wish Emily a fond farewell before she heads back to the big smoke to continue her placement. I am very much looking forward to seeing them again the chief is always good fun and Emily is always great company.

I have been very much alone these last few days, I have given up trying to contact people, I kind of get the feeling my low mood and work priorities have annoyed people so rather than labour the point I am leaving a little time and doing some exercises to help improve my demeanour.

Dead Mans Shoes

I watched a film this evening, (it the post title) A psychological thriller about a man who takes revenge on the people who harmed his brother. He becomes the monsters they were in order to exact his revenge on them. It explores the nature of man, how basically when pushed we can turn into monsters capable of pretty much anything. As an only child I have never really had a very strong family instinct I cannot really imagine having that sort of bond with someone. I just have trouble imagining what could make me feel so strongly about anything. Despite my fiery temper I actually find it pretty hard to really feel about anything, I mostly feel nothing simple ambivalence to the world.

Maybe its all part of the modern malaise, people are individuals first and foremost. Rather than part of society these days, we seem to have forgotten community. Obsession with consumerism and keeping up with the Jones is the modern way. I think we have forgotten we won our rights to vote and change society by acting together.

I guess I have always had a pretty black and white view of how the world works but it doesn't seem to fit. I just dunno anymore, my views are too simple. I guess I need to update my point of view somewhat.

Mary

Had a day of nothing today, spent most of my time obsessing about moving out being my own man. Instead of furthering that dream I sat and played computer games. To be honest I did enjoy myself, after a busy week it was good to relax and not think about anything for a while.

This evening went to the comedy night with Bruce and Phil. It was a good laugh though we got totally picked on for looking like a quiz team apparently, I think its becuase we were basically the youngest gyuys in there. It was mostly couples. I had quiet a fun evening the comedians were good, and there place was full.

Guillemots

Bruce and I went to the Academy in Manchester this evening to see the Guillemots. I bought the tickets ages ago basically on the back of hearing there most famous songs "Trains to Brazil", "Annie Lets not Wait" and "Made up Love Song". I thought they would be a pretty different band to see live.

They were certainly different, announcing they had food poisoning in the first five minutes they played a very experimental set. I got the feeling they love to play and experiment which is cool, though I much preferred the bouncy songs to the melancholic solo (Amusingly during the solo the sound of people were talking louder than he was playing!) or the orgy's of experimentation. I have to hand it to them, they put different slants on their songs so the live act is definitely a different experience to listening to the cd.

The people in front of us enjoyed themselves, a couple of girls were dancing like lunatics, though from the way they were speaking it was clear they had indulged in a few drinks, we probably more than a few.

I am not sure if Bruce like it or not, I hope so. He made a couple of jokes, one song a new one called Big Dog, he thought was big cock, and in fact his lyrics fitted nearly as well...

I wasn't the only one with reservations a heck of a lot of people left before the end (the band did not come out for an encore either. I guess they weren't joking about feeling ill). I think its the most people I have ever seen walk out of a pay for gig.

Overall I am glad I went it was a different experience, and variety is always fun, still think Trains to Brazil is amazing.

Man on the moon

I have the day off today, went out earlier this morning in order to go to the Chinese embassy. I need a visa for my upcoming trip to Shanghai, and for Chinese visas you need to make an application in person at the Embassy. Fortunately they have an office in Manchester.

It was quiet weird walking in to the Embassy a women was arguing with the aide in Chinese. Thankfully I did not have to argue or even wait long, the aide gave my details a quick check and handed me a receipt. She told me to come back on Wednesday and pay then, result.

I spent the rest of the morning doing my VAT return, what a pain took me an hour and I only ended up owning £8.05, sigh. Thankfully I have a piece of software called Myob which helps loads in producing all the figures, all I need to do is keep it updated.

Hablo Español!

My Mexican net friend is hosting a university radio show tomorrow about 3pm (Mexican time) I promised to link to her so,http://frecuenciatec.mty.itesm.mx. She is always interesting to chat to in English as for Spanish I have no idea but if you fluent might be fun to listen.

Killer Cars

I did not have the energy to blog last night, if I had I would simply have written my weekly Japanese was hard post. In truth I am still really shattered from the weekend and its so cold and oppressive at the moment

"Going out for a little drive and it could be the last time you see me alive", could have been my theme tune this morning. I defrosted my car, not very well dumped a load of hot water over the top, unfortunately it was so cold that I only got quarter of a mile before the damn thing refroze over I couldn't see a thing an had to drive for a few moments with only about 5percent visibility until I could find somewhere to stop.

Apparently it will be a very cold night tonight, talking of cold I think Paul and Ian must be annoyed with me. I know it was crap I did not "play out" this weekend, even though it totally was not my choice neither of them returned my calls recently.

I went to the gym tonight for the first time in over a week, I kind of went a little crazy and my body feels rather abused now. I still have not managed to get back to where I was before the Christmas break in terms of the weights, though my running is going well. I managed to beat me (quiet poor) best 5km time, did it in about 29 minutes. I was absolutely knackered but still managed a weight session afterwards. Perhaps a short break was not so bad after all.

I spoke to to ex girlfriends today, they both contacted me randomly, in either case I have no real idea what the purpose was, perhaps they just wanted to make sure I am not doing better than them?

Training aides

Found a really cool website you can draw on a map to work out how far / fast you have run http://www.mapmyrun.com

People are strange

Today has been a strange day for me, I actually received high praise for my work over the weekend which was very welcome but also pretty strange. It kind of shows that when all our effort is put into one project we can successfully complete it, promptly.

This evening I went for a quiet drink with Bruce at the Thieves, on the walk there we noticed a man stood at the side of the graveyard taking photographs of the church (or the graves we weren't sure). Given it was actually freezing we thought it was a rather odd thing to be doing. Bruce and I were just leaving the pub when a random women approached me and asked if my surname was Cooke. She told me she knows my dad from way back when he was a child, and my grandparents, the ones I never met. It was a rather surreal conversation and ended rather abruptly when I told her I still lived with my parents and never got to meet my grandparents on my fathers side. She told me he probably would not remember her and left without telling me her name. It all made for a very surreal evening.

Bruce and I had been having a quiet drink and chat about his search for a house. It looks like he has been gazzumped on his uncles place so he is looking around at some other properties. Current favorite is one in Cheadle. He was pretty upset at all the money needed to pay for other things, surveys, legal fees, and lender fees amongst others totaling somewhere around £5000. Its an expensive business this home buying that is for sure.

Which Superehero are you?

Your results:
You are Hulk
You are a wanderer with
amazing strength.

Hulk		65%
Spider-Man		65%
Robin		62%
Superman		60%
Iron Man		55%
Green Lantern		55%
The Flash		55%
Catwoman		45%
Supergirl		40%
Batman		40%
Wonder Woman		20%

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I am not entirely sure how I ended up being 20% Wonder Women, I definitely said no to the push up bra question.

For all the cows

Was interesting waking up this morning, I had two rather weird text messages sorry cant make the contents public. Contrary to message two sentiment I did not make it to Leamington, it was very upsetting for me but I have spent the majority of the weekend at work creating new mortgage screens.

Despite having worked yesterday everything I did needed to be changed despite it matching the brief the brief didn't match peoples ideas. I spent about 2 hours reworking to the new plan, and another couple of hours adding new features. Then I had to do the testing. I had to put up with a horrible anally retentive call center nobody, and a rather annoying call center manager. They apparently has to fight off girls with a stick, Jesus he is so fucking ugly in manor and tone are women so simple? Surely not, its bad enough I get asked to go dancing with my friends girlfriend, but being dissed by a call center pleb was nearly enough to bring on he red mist. Especially after two day super hard graft. I did have one new experience today,I had my first ever KFC meal. The IT managers girlfriend bought it for us which was pretty good to be honest I was getting hungry. However no exercise and a KFC I a on a dark path :(

I drank two bottles of Belgium beer tonight so my head is mashed. I also watched a film called the children of men about a future with no babies, its quiet scary guessing what England maybe. I hope it doesnt come to that, I would like to have some kids one day, if I find the right partner.

Oh Yeah

Some days things just don't go to plan, and unfortunately today was one of them. Everything started as usual I got up went to work, spent the morning working on a project to optimise some programs. At lunch time I came home and ate lunch with my parents, I got back to work on time at 1.30 then the bomb dropped, the big boss man at the customer had decided some work needed to be ready for Monday. The first I had heard of this work was yesterday when I was asked for a vague time estimate on producing a cu t down mortgage application, I had suggested it would take two days. That gave me less than half a day to complete the work, and get it tested, impossible.

After speaking to my boss I was persuaded that I was the only member of the team available (there is also another software roll-out at another customer happening on Monday). All this work related nonsense means I had to cancel my trip out with the boys, Paul sounded particularly annoyed with me. I find it hard to balance my career and social life. As Paul said I am not a director but if I had not have agreed one of my colleagues would have had to do the job, and I know they would not have thanked me for it as I would not I the position were reversed.

Its hard trying to make your way in this world nobody can tell you what the best thing to do is. I am trying to make a career; the problem is I am not sure if I am a model employee worthy or a promotion / pay rise. Or am I just another part of the machine downtrodden and ignored. All I know is all I have is my own efforts, there is nobody to bail me out, I cannot afford to take a big gamble and lose.

Anyway's, I hope everyone has a good weekend, albeit one without me joining in the fun. My weekend will be spent designing screens. I did manage to go to the gym tonight but have ruined the good intentions somewhat by starting back up on the beer. There were some cans in the fridge left over from the pre Christmas party at Jo's. It has been a month since I last had a drink and all the time they were sat in the fridge begging to be consumed.

Annie

My blogs have been a bit dull recently, I am afraid I think this is a by-product of me cutting back for January and staying tee total. However January is now over so I can have a beer again. more good news is that the trip down to Paul's is definitely on. So this weekend should be great llaugh as, myself Woller Ian and Paul out in Royal Leamington Spa :)

Upgraded the mono engine at work this morning, it went pretty well which was very lucky really its needed for a new project.

Managed 30 minutes running at 10km/h which I thought was pretty impressive for me, I was totally knackered on the cooldown I nearly walked straight out of the gym. I have meant to do a weights session but my arm is still bruised from donating blood.

I found out that on Firefox for Linux and Mac you can type define:word into the address box and it does a dictionary lookup rather than a websearch very clever. I also managed finally to get British English dictionaries on so no more red wavy lines under colour ;)

I spent this evening tussling with Ian' smartphone. It is a Sony P910, the same model as some the guys at work have, we managed to get Imap email working and with a bit of messing about I even made the sync software play ball. Its actually quiet a feature rich phone, though I don't really like the flip bit I certainly thinks it one of the best smart phones at least until the Apple i-phone comes out.

Entropy

Had the most difficult Japanese class this evening basically had to write ask and understand only in Japanese a list of 25 things from radio to chocolate. It was very confusing. I spoke to some of the others they also found it difficult, so at least I wasn't. I think that Emi, our teacher likes to keep think moving at a fair pace. I think her expectation we will pick things up or give up.

After class I had the pleasure of meeting Nick and Mike for a drink. I stuck to diet coke, its still January after all. It was good to see Mike it has been a while. Ever since he became a father I have seen him only infrequently so it is always quiet fun having a chat. Nick was tired as usual, he has been having trouble with his lettings one of them caught fire after a tenet feel asleep holding a lit cigarette.