I have been away from my PC this weekend so apologies for the lack of posting. Ill start with Friday night and try and work chronologically forward.
Mo (the girl I work with) had her last day next Wednesday so we decided to go have a few drinks after work. There was a small irony in this as being a Muslim she dosn't drink and was fasting so couldn't even drink her coke until after Sundown at 6.08. It was actually quiet pleasant the other people from work were relaxed. After 3 pints I was a little sozzelled, Mo left and there was another group going into Manchester, I decided not to as I wanted a quiet night because of my trip to Bristol on the Saturday.
My dad was kind enough to give me a lift home, so I had some dinner and got changed sobered up. Phil called me and asked if I fancied going for a quick drink at the Rectory I said hell why not so we headed back to Wilmslow. Arriving at the Rectory to find it busy and not on top form. We had a pint and were about to leave when we bumped into Endo and his mate. Somehow things got a little hazy from here more drinks followed then more we headed to the Sam Finny more drinks followed before I knew it I was wasted making a fool of myself on the dancefloor.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Flawless
Went for a drink after work to celebrate (not sure if that is the correct term) Mo's leaving. Was a reasonable nice couple of drinks with the co workers my dad was kind enought to give me a lift home. I stayed too late though and missed out going to see a band with Jo.
My parents took the cat to the vet found out that he has an ear infection and need antibiotics. The vet did say that for such an old cat he had a really nice coat. He is asleep on my bed at the moment, poor old thing.
My parents took the cat to the vet found out that he has an ear infection and need antibiotics. The vet did say that for such an old cat he had a really nice coat. He is asleep on my bed at the moment, poor old thing.
Yuk
My cat woke me up in the night by throwing up. Its been ill for several years with failing kidneys we take it to the vet every 6 weeks or so for a steroid injection. It is lso on a low protein diet personally I think its amazing he is still alive 19 years old has got to be a great ago for a cat.
However beeing woken up by the sound of him hacking up on my floor at 4.30am wasnt the most fun I have had this week. Fortunatly most of it landed on my British Computer Society voting forms rather than the carpet.
However beeing woken up by the sound of him hacking up on my floor at 4.30am wasnt the most fun I have had this week. Fortunatly most of it landed on my British Computer Society voting forms rather than the carpet.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Yay
To help cheer myself up I have arranged to go to see Paul on the weekend. Hurrah it's always fun times with him. What with going out for Mo's leaving do tomorrow its going to be a hectic one not managed much Japanese practise yet :S
Oh Andy has come online going to help sort out his email night all.
Oh Andy has come online going to help sort out his email night all.
All the things she said
Sorry for the lack of posts recently but there have been a few things at work and home that I could not publish but if I had started a blog these thoughts would have ended up on there. Things have calmed down enough for me to blog again without ending up in trouble I hope.
It's Maia' birthday today she text messaged me this morning to say the card I sent her had arrived amazing timing really, I wish I could claim I planned it to perfection it was really just luck with the post, I hope she has a good time. I don't know if its the end of the line for us I can feel we are drifting apart that bond we had whilst I was over there and talking to her on the phone her gone. She has the Italian for that now. I shall really miss the fact that someone out there needed only to hear my voice to be happy.
Work has not been good recently I have been feeling really frustrated with myself and some of the people I work with. I just feel like there is no progression for me I am simply doing the same old things everyday, I need to be improving myself rather than stagnating. In truth I am not sure what to do should I tell my boss I am unhappy with the way things are, carry on waiting for the next review starting looking for something else or start doing some courses, I am so confused!
Jono came over this evening inturupting a msn chat I was having with his sister Ali. She wants me to read some new age books about motivation and postive mental attitude. I am pretty dead set against to be honest I gave up goign too church I don' need any other qusi religion in my life. Jono then tempted me back to his place for tea and toast. I was meant to be going for a drink with Phil but he never turned up.
It's Maia' birthday today she text messaged me this morning to say the card I sent her had arrived amazing timing really, I wish I could claim I planned it to perfection it was really just luck with the post, I hope she has a good time. I don't know if its the end of the line for us I can feel we are drifting apart that bond we had whilst I was over there and talking to her on the phone her gone. She has the Italian for that now. I shall really miss the fact that someone out there needed only to hear my voice to be happy.
Work has not been good recently I have been feeling really frustrated with myself and some of the people I work with. I just feel like there is no progression for me I am simply doing the same old things everyday, I need to be improving myself rather than stagnating. In truth I am not sure what to do should I tell my boss I am unhappy with the way things are, carry on waiting for the next review starting looking for something else or start doing some courses, I am so confused!
Jono came over this evening inturupting a msn chat I was having with his sister Ali. She wants me to read some new age books about motivation and postive mental attitude. I am pretty dead set against to be honest I gave up goign too church I don' need any other qusi religion in my life. Jono then tempted me back to his place for tea and toast. I was meant to be going for a drink with Phil but he never turned up.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Fixed Mac
Another boring day of work but thanks to good feeling from the weekend I managed to get through.
Tonight I popped to the gym realising I have been very lazy and put on a few pounds and lost a bit of fitness did a 6KM run and 15 minutes of the bikes it nearly killed me but I got through.
Phil came round to help me fix my mac following a guide managed to swap out the hard disk. It was a pain needed to ask Jono as I didn't have a small enough jewlers screwdriver. I stupidly tried using a stanley knife after gonig through two blades I reliased I had to call round for help.
Have been listening to Slam by Pendulum thanks to Wooler playing it intensivly this weekend. Itunes is great sometime, mind you the album costs 9.95 on itunes but you can buy the CD for 7.99 from HMV online.
Tonight I popped to the gym realising I have been very lazy and put on a few pounds and lost a bit of fitness did a 6KM run and 15 minutes of the bikes it nearly killed me but I got through.
Phil came round to help me fix my mac following a guide managed to swap out the hard disk. It was a pain needed to ask Jono as I didn't have a small enough jewlers screwdriver. I stupidly tried using a stanley knife after gonig through two blades I reliased I had to call round for help.
Have been listening to Slam by Pendulum thanks to Wooler playing it intensivly this weekend. Itunes is great sometime, mind you the album costs 9.95 on itunes but you can buy the CD for 7.99 from HMV online.
Monday, October 16, 2006
The Departed
After getting back from Andy's I spent the afternoon reading finished off Wizard and Glasss I think its the worst one of the dark tower series so far though it does provide a lot of depth to Roland's character
Went to see the Departed tonight with Phil, its a pretty good thought completly butal film. It was a typical mob film given an Irish twist set in Boston the action follows Boston Irish kingpin Frank Costello he has his fingers in every pie including the police force. Against this raw recruit Billy Costigan a kid with a family history tied up with the mob play goes undercover to get to inside Costellos organisation. PLenty of twist and turns follow. The action is brutal it reminded me of the gritty reality of a history of violence. It is well filmed and acted, definatly worth a watch as long as you like dark ganster films and can stand the slow pace and length (about 2.5 hours).
Went to see the Departed tonight with Phil, its a pretty good thought completly butal film. It was a typical mob film given an Irish twist set in Boston the action follows Boston Irish kingpin Frank Costello he has his fingers in every pie including the police force. Against this raw recruit Billy Costigan a kid with a family history tied up with the mob play goes undercover to get to inside Costellos organisation. PLenty of twist and turns follow. The action is brutal it reminded me of the gritty reality of a history of violence. It is well filmed and acted, definatly worth a watch as long as you like dark ganster films and can stand the slow pace and length (about 2.5 hours).
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Trains to Brazil
Paul had come up from Leamington for the weekend and was staying with Woller. So last night I went out "with the boys" in Macclesfield. Jo Berger Riginhi also came out with us though they left earlier.
Everybody was in high spirits and after a few games or Mario Cart we stomped down to the Flowerpot for a warm up drinks. Jokes were told beer was drunk then another walk into the town.
Next stop was Weatherspoons more banter jokes and oggling on the local talent followed. I wish I could remember the jokes but mostly I just remember laughing a lot. I do remember that the bar was stupidly busy so we were forced to double up our drinks.
Leaving the Weatherpoons several pints heavier but one member lighter Righni had to catch a train, we stoped for a quick drink in a couple of places before taking the plunge and heading to Chicago Rock. Not my favoirte venue but hey after a few drinks and with a brillent £10 for entrie and 7 count them drinks it was fun. I even had a bit of a dance.
Grabbed a kebab and ended up back at wollers. On the way into his hous ehe managed to set the alarm off then put his music on full blast I am sure his neighbours wanted to listen to pendulum at 3 am.
I managed to be drunk enough to wack hell out of Wollers punch bag I have no idea why it seemed like a fun thing to do at the time.
Everybody was in high spirits and after a few games or Mario Cart we stomped down to the Flowerpot for a warm up drinks. Jokes were told beer was drunk then another walk into the town.
Next stop was Weatherspoons more banter jokes and oggling on the local talent followed. I wish I could remember the jokes but mostly I just remember laughing a lot. I do remember that the bar was stupidly busy so we were forced to double up our drinks.
Leaving the Weatherpoons several pints heavier but one member lighter Righni had to catch a train, we stoped for a quick drink in a couple of places before taking the plunge and heading to Chicago Rock. Not my favoirte venue but hey after a few drinks and with a brillent £10 for entrie and 7 count them drinks it was fun. I even had a bit of a dance.
Grabbed a kebab and ended up back at wollers. On the way into his hous ehe managed to set the alarm off then put his music on full blast I am sure his neighbours wanted to listen to pendulum at 3 am.
I managed to be drunk enough to wack hell out of Wollers punch bag I have no idea why it seemed like a fun thing to do at the time.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Dungens and dragons
These are interesting times for sure, I haven't seen Phil all week since the Birmingham job he seemed very happy got something else line up.
Today was a nightmare for me thanks for someone leaving I got moved to another desk overlooked by the entire department coupled with a micro managing boss I don't thing I will last long.
I have spent the day doing the most boring task editing an excel document documenting fields there's are well over 2000 of them each taking a minute of so, it going to take a long time. Did I really study for a degree to edit excel spending my life doing the least meaningful tasks?
Tonight chatted to miss ??? reviled far too much as is my nature I am sure I will have scared her away despite her thoughts to the contrary.
I found myself at the unicorn Claire was there she looked fatter and less appealing than ever compared to Maia she was nothing I wonder if I will feel this way about Maia? Is this moving on? Why did it take so long did I not want to?
A weird episode happened to us this evening on arrival we [Phil and I] were sat near to a group of loud people. Eventually one guy came over to talk about the nature of existence and a girl came over to tell Phil he is a wizard and need to be open minded. It was weird hearing Phil drawn into thing I hope I am not that malleable, Personally I find any religion ever Wicca to be counter to my view but it sure sparked some debate.
I can't get Maia out of my head its the question that haunts me "would things have been different if I met her first?" its an insane track of though pointless and meaningless its happened I just need to deal with it and move on but somehow its impossible. I want her so much how was it I kept quiet why I hide my feelings am I a coward or a hero?
I know miss ??? thinks I am a loser did I damn myself twice? With the same words?
It must be nice to believe in something it's been a long time since I have had any touchstone,
Today was a nightmare for me thanks for someone leaving I got moved to another desk overlooked by the entire department coupled with a micro managing boss I don't thing I will last long.
I have spent the day doing the most boring task editing an excel document documenting fields there's are well over 2000 of them each taking a minute of so, it going to take a long time. Did I really study for a degree to edit excel spending my life doing the least meaningful tasks?
Tonight chatted to miss ??? reviled far too much as is my nature I am sure I will have scared her away despite her thoughts to the contrary.
I found myself at the unicorn Claire was there she looked fatter and less appealing than ever compared to Maia she was nothing I wonder if I will feel this way about Maia? Is this moving on? Why did it take so long did I not want to?
A weird episode happened to us this evening on arrival we [Phil and I] were sat near to a group of loud people. Eventually one guy came over to talk about the nature of existence and a girl came over to tell Phil he is a wizard and need to be open minded. It was weird hearing Phil drawn into thing I hope I am not that malleable, Personally I find any religion ever Wicca to be counter to my view but it sure sparked some debate.
I can't get Maia out of my head its the question that haunts me "would things have been different if I met her first?" its an insane track of though pointless and meaningless its happened I just need to deal with it and move on but somehow its impossible. I want her so much how was it I kept quiet why I hide my feelings am I a coward or a hero?
I know miss ??? thinks I am a loser did I damn myself twice? With the same words?
It must be nice to believe in something it's been a long time since I have had any touchstone,
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Go Back
One of the people I have worked with since day one handed in her notice today. It won't be the same without her there will be no-one to make the tea for starters! No seriously she has been a pleasure to work with it will leave a big gap in the office space; I hope her new employ will work out best of luck.
My day went alright got a massive and tedious data mapping exercise to do. Also been working on a new print routine means less work for people I didn't ask what would happen to the people that had been doing the work. I find that it is better not to ask. After all I did not make the choice nor could I change it.
Tonight I stayed in I have been trying to save some money I have another holiday (any ideas where to go?) coming up and I haven't paid off the last one yet!
It was quiet nice to relax to be honest sitting reading with the cat sat on my lap, chatting to a few people on the net build up my strength for a raucous time in Macclesfield this weekend. Paul is coming up and staying with Matt Woller so Macc is the place to party.
Rock on!
My day went alright got a massive and tedious data mapping exercise to do. Also been working on a new print routine means less work for people I didn't ask what would happen to the people that had been doing the work. I find that it is better not to ask. After all I did not make the choice nor could I change it.
Tonight I stayed in I have been trying to save some money I have another holiday (any ideas where to go?) coming up and I haven't paid off the last one yet!
It was quiet nice to relax to be honest sitting reading with the cat sat on my lap, chatting to a few people on the net build up my strength for a raucous time in Macclesfield this weekend. Paul is coming up and staying with Matt Woller so Macc is the place to party.
Rock on!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Big Brother
I think I managed to scare Paul today. He happened to be looking at my photo gallery at the same time I was checking the stat pages. I texted him and asked whether he had enjoyed the photos. An immediate text back reviled his surprise. Before you all shutdown and never return I cant actually find out who is viewing the site only make educated guesses I can see the host the ISP and the geographic location (I put a link in however it was broken if you want to see the map click here and select show visitor map). I can think of only one person in the Midland's who would spend hours looking through my website. From what I can see there are two or three Londoner's I guess that is probably Emily, Pippa and Another but who knows.
Talking of Paul he turned me onto the Easy All Stars Reggae version of OK Computer I heard one song then bought the album and I am not disappointed so chilled and well done completely respectful to the original concept yet sounds fresh and new, excellent!
Work was actually quiet civil for a change looks like we might actually get something live this century, in fact the only annoyance was from someone through email badgering me. I do wish he would concentrate on his own work instead of mithering me.
Talking of Paul he turned me onto the Easy All Stars Reggae version of OK Computer I heard one song then bought the album and I am not disappointed so chilled and well done completely respectful to the original concept yet sounds fresh and new, excellent!
Work was actually quiet civil for a change looks like we might actually get something live this century, in fact the only annoyance was from someone through email badgering me. I do wish he would concentrate on his own work instead of mithering me.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Big in Japan
Today I managed to get something Live hurrah, only a small prog but at least I am finally managing to get some changes through the system. I even did accompanying the paperwork. I there is something good about actually solving a problem even if noone pats me on the back I still get a sense of achievement.
Afterwork I had my third (actually the fifth thanks to the lessons I missed whilst I was in Belarus). Today we practised some more Katakana a few of the symbols are starting to come to me but its only the tip of the iceberg this is in the main the anglified version (with some German French and other lanagues thrown in for fun). Also learned the days of the week oh and I am looking for a Kana keyboard anyone know where I can buy one?
Tonight wathced Clerks II it was pretty funny nowhere as near as biting social commentary as the first movie I especially missed the little customers asides from the first movie. I also felt some of Hicks rants were a little over done, however its was a funny movie well worht a watch as long as you don't mind swearing or sexual themes ;)
I feel a bit more chilled out today perhaps it was the success at work perhaps I am just having a good day this evening I feel better in my mind than I have done in a long time. Had a few people message me randomly from myspace and ICQ recently a few even seem like nice people which is always nice perhaps I am due for an upturn in fortunes, well I can hope right ;)
Afterwork I had my third (actually the fifth thanks to the lessons I missed whilst I was in Belarus). Today we practised some more Katakana a few of the symbols are starting to come to me but its only the tip of the iceberg this is in the main the anglified version (with some German French and other lanagues thrown in for fun). Also learned the days of the week oh and I am looking for a Kana keyboard anyone know where I can buy one?
Tonight wathced Clerks II it was pretty funny nowhere as near as biting social commentary as the first movie I especially missed the little customers asides from the first movie. I also felt some of Hicks rants were a little over done, however its was a funny movie well worht a watch as long as you don't mind swearing or sexual themes ;)
I feel a bit more chilled out today perhaps it was the success at work perhaps I am just having a good day this evening I feel better in my mind than I have done in a long time. Had a few people message me randomly from myspace and ICQ recently a few even seem like nice people which is always nice perhaps I am due for an upturn in fortunes, well I can hope right ;)
Monday, October 09, 2006
There is nothing like emptying a cartrige at the sun!
Several worring things from Netdoctor. I took some of the quizzes apparently I am depressed and possibliy an alcoholic, no surpirses there then. Worse though is the fact I should have had vaccinations before going to Belarus I didn't though. Hopefully I am fine on symptoms other than this never ending cold but I had that before I left.
I am sure I will survive its one of the things I seem to be good at so far. Someone asked me about the titles of the posts where it was some clever joke, unfortunatly not there is nothing very deep about it. I found I wasn't very imaginative about title so I started to choose the title or lyrics of a sing I am listening to whilst writing it, for example this post has a lyric from Regina Spektor Uhmerica. Most are pretty obvious but some are quiet obscure.
Right I am going to read the last chapter of the waste lands beofre I sleep, night night.
Happy reading!
I am sure I will survive its one of the things I seem to be good at so far. Someone asked me about the titles of the posts where it was some clever joke, unfortunatly not there is nothing very deep about it. I found I wasn't very imaginative about title so I started to choose the title or lyrics of a sing I am listening to whilst writing it, for example this post has a lyric from Regina Spektor Uhmerica. Most are pretty obvious but some are quiet obscure.
Right I am going to read the last chapter of the waste lands beofre I sleep, night night.
Happy reading!
I want more
I can't stop thinking about Maia see her in my dreams, she's always on my mind hiding in corners seeing false images memories intruding into my mind whilst I run round the track. How long will these feelings last how much can I stand. Rationally nothing ever happened never will but somehow the idea the dream if you will just wont fade at least not yet. I guess whats perverse is that I cant even talk to her about my feelings I made the choice and I have to live with it.
Meanwhile normal life continues, went to work today my boss made an appearance. He had meetings the client all morning. After lunch I chauffeured him to the new office. Its a pretty nice modern building was random to walk in and see M C and my dad sat in an office together. After a bit of a chat I gave Martin a lift back to the Airport and headed back to the clients. I heard more promises of a change to other more exciting projects but after what happened last time I think I will reserve judgement for the time being. Managed (I think to get one bug fixed) then it was home time.
Went to the gym in the hope that exercise would help rid some of my daemons, it worked a little I feel better for going though I am terribly unfit 5KM on the track nearly finished me off I'm sure I used to be able to do it faster and do a weights session afterwards. After the run I spent 25 minutes on the X-trainer then did some abdominals work I was covered in sweat and thoroughly exhausted by the time I hit the shower. I now weigh 83kg 5kg less though I fear that might in the most part be loss of muscle mass rather than fat. I think I need to get back into the weights.
Meanwhile normal life continues, went to work today my boss made an appearance. He had meetings the client all morning. After lunch I chauffeured him to the new office. Its a pretty nice modern building was random to walk in and see M C and my dad sat in an office together. After a bit of a chat I gave Martin a lift back to the Airport and headed back to the clients. I heard more promises of a change to other more exciting projects but after what happened last time I think I will reserve judgement for the time being. Managed (I think to get one bug fixed) then it was home time.
Went to the gym in the hope that exercise would help rid some of my daemons, it worked a little I feel better for going though I am terribly unfit 5KM on the track nearly finished me off I'm sure I used to be able to do it faster and do a weights session afterwards. After the run I spent 25 minutes on the X-trainer then did some abdominals work I was covered in sweat and thoroughly exhausted by the time I hit the shower. I now weigh 83kg 5kg less though I fear that might in the most part be loss of muscle mass rather than fat. I think I need to get back into the weights.
How to replace a hard drive
Found out how to swap out the hard disk on my powerbook. Looks difficult but I might give it a try after the gym tonight.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Good Times Bad Times
Lulu received the card / present I sent her finally, I don't think she was impressed by the Russian doll. In fact she had no idea it was a popular Russian symbol however she was as ever most polite, think the card went down better she didn't even criticize my poor attempts at Chinese symbols. I must have practised 10 times before I wrote out the card but I still found it impossible.
Got a small moral dilemma, I have kept in touch with Paul's ex Lisa and she invited me to a party in London. I spoke to Paul about it and he was completely cool. Typically though I still some reservations fortunately I think Phil is going to come with me which should make everything cool as even if it turns out I don't have anything in common with anyone (a frequent fear of mine). Should be a fun trip out get the train there have a few drinks meet some new people catch up with Lisa, we had some fun times out in Australia so I have a good feeling. There was one spectre of a problem though on seeing a link to my blog she had a similar reaction to a girl I was kind of seeing some time back, P took one look on my blog had a total rant about how could I put my feelings online to the world I am a weirdo and I never heard from her again. Anne wasn't quiet as bad she simple said "I advise you not to".
Spent most of today chilling out I felt incredibly tired finished reading "The Waste Lands" It was a pretty good read King is a master of misdirection keeps you interested in the whys and wherefores.
Managed to make it to the gym for cardio session I found it incredibly hard to get there and harder still to make it through an hour of cardio but by the end as usual I felt much the better for it.
Spent some time today speaking to another Belarusian girl. Her name is Anna and she is currently on work experience in Bristol from her studies in Berlin. Se was most incensed I referred to a Russian village and not Belarusian one. So I went through and made some amendments. She did sent me some wonderful pictures of her home town and tell me a few more stories which was really nice. ICQ can be a wonderful medium sometimes.
Talking of why caught the first episode of the third of Lost, arghh nothing answered just more questions and only 3 characters its going to be another long but enjoyable series.
This evening watched a film Thank you for not smoking which a truly brilliant film dark funny and original. Well worth a watch whether you're a smoker or not it puts a different perspective on the debates. Part of the film is about the character that is the face for big tobacco Nick, he is an unashamed capitalist.
Got a small moral dilemma, I have kept in touch with Paul's ex Lisa and she invited me to a party in London. I spoke to Paul about it and he was completely cool. Typically though I still some reservations fortunately I think Phil is going to come with me which should make everything cool as even if it turns out I don't have anything in common with anyone (a frequent fear of mine). Should be a fun trip out get the train there have a few drinks meet some new people catch up with Lisa, we had some fun times out in Australia so I have a good feeling. There was one spectre of a problem though on seeing a link to my blog she had a similar reaction to a girl I was kind of seeing some time back, P took one look on my blog had a total rant about how could I put my feelings online to the world I am a weirdo and I never heard from her again. Anne wasn't quiet as bad she simple said "I advise you not to".
Spent most of today chilling out I felt incredibly tired finished reading "The Waste Lands" It was a pretty good read King is a master of misdirection keeps you interested in the whys and wherefores.
Managed to make it to the gym for cardio session I found it incredibly hard to get there and harder still to make it through an hour of cardio but by the end as usual I felt much the better for it.
Spent some time today speaking to another Belarusian girl. Her name is Anna and she is currently on work experience in Bristol from her studies in Berlin. Se was most incensed I referred to a Russian village and not Belarusian one. So I went through and made some amendments. She did sent me some wonderful pictures of her home town and tell me a few more stories which was really nice. ICQ can be a wonderful medium sometimes.
Talking of why caught the first episode of the third of Lost, arghh nothing answered just more questions and only 3 characters its going to be another long but enjoyable series.
This evening watched a film Thank you for not smoking which a truly brilliant film dark funny and original. Well worth a watch whether you're a smoker or not it puts a different perspective on the debates. Part of the film is about the character that is the face for big tobacco Nick, he is an unashamed capitalist.
Out of Routine
I was a bit unhappy tired and drunk the other night, I contemplated deleting the post but given that statcounter shows quiet a few people have already read it I might as well it. To be honest some of the sentiment is true I spent six months cultivating an insane relationship with a girl in another country only to have it fail. I guess I should take away the good times I have had and move on try to find happiness closer to home.
I feel exhausted this morning building the internet cafe was a lot harder than we imagined. A series of last minute problems meant that although by 2 O'Clock we thought we were nearly finished, we didn't actually leave the ICC until 8:30pm. Then went for a curry courtesy of Jim then Bruce drove back to Manchester arrived about 12:30 I felt very tired went to bed.
I feel exhausted this morning building the internet cafe was a lot harder than we imagined. A series of last minute problems meant that although by 2 O'Clock we thought we were nearly finished, we didn't actually leave the ICC until 8:30pm. Then went for a curry courtesy of Jim then Bruce drove back to Manchester arrived about 12:30 I felt very tired went to bed.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Internet Cafe
We had a few last minute problems and ended up having to rebuild the Smoothwall box, it normally runs headless and we didn't have a monitor so we had to borrow the plamsa screen from one of the displays.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Obsessions
Recently I have had too obsessions both must end. Its time for a new me to emerge, once a long time ago Bruce said to me "I went away and when I returned it was like meeting John Version 2". Bruce was refering to the change in me caused by meeting Jenny, well today I think its time for another new version. I hit an impasse today I wrote a long message to Maia basically asking her how could she haved loved Mattius aka plastic fantastic and not me. Could ever be the one?
Then I realised I have already let her go, already admitted to myself she loved someone else. If thats true all other questions are irrelivent so why ask. only to torture myself. It is time to move on to forget to remember the good and forget everything else. Maia showed my something that I could feel more, that I could meet someone who made me feel that I was whole. Her life has been far harder than mine I have to right to ask anything of her she showed me more kindness than most.
So now I am John version 3 tring to find a new path, I need to change remember those happy feelings and not settle for less (I dont think inm my heart I can anymore). Tonight I went for a quiz with work, we came 4th its finishing at 9 I walked home stopping off for a few more drinks and realisation started to dawn. I have to give up I cant waste my life longing for the impossible I need to take the good bits and move on. I will be 27 in November once upon a time I talked about having kids before I was 30 I doubt that now perhaps thats a life not for me I no longer know. All I do no is I cannot go on dreaming I need to push ahead start going back to the gym start feeling happy and positive remember the fun times and forget this darkness that I feel I am drowning in.
This is probably all drivel I am a little drunk and nonsensical. Tomorrow I am going to help Phil build at internet cafe hopefully it will help take my mind off everything.
Then I realised I have already let her go, already admitted to myself she loved someone else. If thats true all other questions are irrelivent so why ask. only to torture myself. It is time to move on to forget to remember the good and forget everything else. Maia showed my something that I could feel more, that I could meet someone who made me feel that I was whole. Her life has been far harder than mine I have to right to ask anything of her she showed me more kindness than most.
So now I am John version 3 tring to find a new path, I need to change remember those happy feelings and not settle for less (I dont think inm my heart I can anymore). Tonight I went for a quiz with work, we came 4th its finishing at 9 I walked home stopping off for a few more drinks and realisation started to dawn. I have to give up I cant waste my life longing for the impossible I need to take the good bits and move on. I will be 27 in November once upon a time I talked about having kids before I was 30 I doubt that now perhaps thats a life not for me I no longer know. All I do no is I cannot go on dreaming I need to push ahead start going back to the gym start feeling happy and positive remember the fun times and forget this darkness that I feel I am drowning in.
This is probably all drivel I am a little drunk and nonsensical. Tomorrow I am going to help Phil build at internet cafe hopefully it will help take my mind off everything.
Mooncakes
Lulu is back off her trip just caught her I as turned on my pc before work. She was telling me about some of the things she saw including the grave of an ancient king from the Zhuo dynasty in it were buried horses and chariots. It is said only the king could have six-horse chariot
She told me it was moon fesival time and that reminded me back to the frist SMS message I received from China (form her) it feels like yesterday but it was years ago.
I cant wiat for Shanghai it should be out of this world.
She told me it was moon fesival time and that reminded me back to the frist SMS message I received from China (form her) it feels like yesterday but it was years ago.
I cant wiat for Shanghai it should be out of this world.
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