Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Mutations

I am obsessed. I have through my life struggled with a pretty obsessive nature, patterns organisation, the familiar are all things I like. I often try and do unfamiliar things in order to break of of habits. Like taking crazy overseas holidays and meeting new people. Unfortunately try as I might I usually revert to pattern behaviour.

At the moment I am still completely obsessed with Olya, I know I only spent a 10 days with her in another country. In my head I know I have built up a mental image beyond the reality of our meetings. The trouble is despite knowing all that I still cant stop thinking about her. I have chatted to her every couple of days, I keep revisiting the pictures from Turkey. I even rather stupidly asked her to come to Milan with me.

The trouble is while she is pretty much everything I could want, smart, sexy fun, I'm not.

One of my friends thinks I only want her because I cant have her, and in a perverse way perhaps that is true. Maybe in time I would find more about her out and realise we arn't suited I really don't know. For the time being though I just need to try and stop break out of this current habit and move on to something else. I just hope can find the strength to do it rather than just talking about it.
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