Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Downer

I have just got back from the Unicorn where Phil and I were setting the world to rights. We talked about life a bit and I guess it tapped into a lot of things I am thinking about. It was enjoyable an enjoyable conversation. At the same time it made me think. For a long time I have been trying hard to fight the fact that in fact I am a quiet boring person. I work, I visit the gym, I go to the pub. Always the same, the same drinks the same places with the same people. How did I become so staid, am I so incapable of finding things to amuse myself. Perhaps am not quiet as clever as I believe.
Or maybe I am just pissed off that I underachieve, that I am a coward who take the easy route hiding away on the net because the real world is so difficult. How can I be so wonderful to people on line then such a disappointment when they meet me in the flesh.
There are 6 billion people in the world I guess that means most of us are middle table mediocrity, is it so bad? Why do I feel guilty about it, has the media really convinced me I should be more successful, happy and well rounded?
Perhaps I am jealous that so many people I know are getting on with it whilst I sit and brood unable to deicide how to move on. I wish I had Nicks get up and go, or Ian's people skills or Paul's star quality, but I don't. I am just an ordinary guy, no real flaws but no real strengths, its just life rich tapestry I suppose.
Perhaps I should just go to bed and stop rambling.
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